Ministry-To-Children.com » Wayne Stocks

Do You Know? Game Idea for learning about God

Wayne Stocks — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 12:21:41 +0000

Several weeks ago, I prepared a series based on Exodus 33:18:

Then Moses said, “Now show me your glory!”

I’ll cover more about teaching kids about the glory of God in future posts, but I wanted to share the game we did as an introduction. It was definitely applicable to knowing God, but I think you could also apply it to other situations.

The name of the game was simple,

HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW YOUR SIBLING

The game functions much the same way as the old Newlywed game. I did find that explaining it that way to a teenage helper does not do you much good. :) Here’s how it works.

Before service select two pairs of kids. We used siblings, but the game would also work with close friends depending on the make-up of your class. What is important is that the pairs know each other fairly well. We purposely selected older kids (3rd through 5th grade) to make the game run smoother.
Have one small leader take the younger siblings and another take the older siblings.
Have each small group leader ask the questions (or any combination thereof) listed below to each child.
Answers should be recorded on one side of large white sheets of paper. We used an oversized artists sketch pad.
Make sure to number the answers on the back for ease of use during the game.
During your service, call the kids on stage (or to the front of the room). Have the younger siblings sit on one side and the older siblings sit on the other.
Starting with one group (the younger or older siblings) ask one the associated question and then have their sibling reveal their answer. If they match, they earn one point.
The team with the most points (if you use five questions you would have ten possible points for each team) wins.
The game can be expanded or contracted based on the number of groups of siblings and questions you use. We found that asking two sets of siblings and using five questions took about 10-15 minutes.
Possible questions (phrased both for before and during the service) are reflected below.

Object Lesson (the point of this game)

For our object lesson on learning about God’s glory, I drew two conclusions from this game:

There are two ways to get to know someone. You can ask someone who knows them fairly well (like a sibling), or you can go ask them directly. In the case of God, we can know about Him from reading the Bible and talking to other people about Him. Because of the relationship Moses had with Him, Moses could ask God directly.
No matter how well we know people or think we know people, there is always more to learn. Incidentally, this led really well into are lesson on the imcomprehensibility of God, but I will save that for another day.

10 Non-Kidmin Books that Every Kidmin Should Have

Wayne Stocks — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 12:42:50 +0000

There are lists of Kidmin books that every personal in children’s ministry should have. They include titles from people like Jim Wideman, Sue Miller, Reggie Joiner, Dale Hudson, Ryan Frank and many more. Chances are that you have some or all of them on your shelves already. The purpose of this post is to give you a list of books that have little or nothing to do with Children’s Ministry that you should also have in your library.

1. A Good Study Bible

Just because we are teaching kids doesn’t mean that we should sacrifice the depth and breadth of scripture in our teaching. Nothing could be further from the truth. If you are going to teach kids, you should prepare just as much, if not more, than you would to teach a room full of adults. That means having a good study Bible to study with. I really really like the ESV study bible. The translation is top notched, and the notes in this Bible will inform and challenge you in your reading. If I were to pick only one Bible to read for the rest of my life, this would be it. I am also partial to NASB MacArthur Study Bible and the HCSB Study Bible. I understand there is also now an ESV MacArthur Study Bible which, though I haven’t seen it, I imagine would also be a great resource.

2. A Good Bible Commentary

You should have a good Bible Commentary as well. There are many good ones out there. Look around a little bit and find one that suits you. Before you invest a lot of money though, make sure to do some research to make certain you are comfortable that the commentary is grounded in biblical truth. Personally, I have a couple of commentary sets, but one I really like is the The Expositor’s Bible Commentary – Abridged Edition. This two volume set is an abridged version of the 12 volume Expositor’s Bible Commentary which is also really good and goes much more in depth, but is also a lot more expensive. I know this is a non-kidmin listing, but there is also a really good “commentary” with a kidmin focus. It has all of the useful information of a commentary but is geared towards those who teach kids. It is called The Bible Story Handbook.

3. A Good Devotional Book

I am a huge fan of Spurgeon’s Morning & Evening. That said, there are tons of good devotional books out there. Find one, or several, that work for you and start to read through them. Make this part of your daily quiet time with God.

4. Books on Child Development and Educational Theory

As those who work in children’s ministry, we should be students of children. Part of that involved knowing how they develop and how they learn. Find a good book or two on childhood development and educational theory and read up. It isn’t always the most riveting reading, but it will further your knowledge of kids and how they develop. One I’ve read that was pretty good was Created to Learn: A Christian Teacher’s Introduction to Educational Psychologyby William R. Yount.

5. A Good Book on Church History

Like other categories of books in this listing, there are a number of decent books on church history. One that I really like is Church History in Plain Language by Bruce L. Shelley. The book covers church history from Jesus through 1996. It’s not a short book, but it is manageable, and it will give you a very thorough history of the church.

6. Counseling Books

There are many good resources out there on biblical counseling. There is a really good series that includes books geared specifically to men, to women and to youth. While there is not a book geared directly to children, I would advise getting the other three to have a handy scriptural index when it comes to counseling the kids in your ministry. The three volumes are:

7. Rose Charts Books

I have become a fan of Rose publishing. Their charts and graphs have a way of taking complex Biblical concepts and information and presenting them in a simple easy to understand format. I have personally reviewed the first three books of charts, maps and timelines and highly recommend them:

They also have a selection of smaller books called “Bible Basics” that compile many of their most useful charts and information in easy to use resources. I have several of these and refer to them often:

8. Jesus Storybook Bible

There is no hiding that I am a big fan of the Jesus Storybook Bible. In my listing of best Christian Books for Kids, this book came in second only because I felt like a Bible had to be #1. In fact, the ESV Children’s Bible came in #1 in that listing. I believe that every child, and everyone who works with children ought to have a copy of the Jesus Storybook Bible. The Jesus Storybook Bible is a book that clearly lays out the story of the Bible (God’s story) in a way that kids can easily understand and clearly point every story back to its main point – Jesus!

9. Come Ye’ Children

This is the closest thing to a “children’s ministry book” in this listing of non-children’s ministry books. It is so much more than that. Come Ye’ Children was written by Charles Spurgeon, the Prince of Preachers, to explore the importance of children and speaking God into their lives. I promise that you will refer to this book over and over again – at least you should! You can also hop on over and check out a very detailed synopsis and review of the book on Dad in the Middle.

10. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

This may be the “oddest book” in this list, but I have had more people tell me that this book really impacted them than virtually any other book I know of. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: How I Learned to Live a Better Story was written by Donald Miller. It is the story of how he discovered that he was not living his life to the fullest in the way God had intended. This book will challenge you in terms of how you lead your life.

Top Nine Youth Ministry Blogs

Wayne Stocks — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 12:41:06 +0000

In way too many churches around the world, youth ministry and children’s ministry are seen as separated ministries who work independently from one another and seldom if ever interact. It’s time that changed.

Those of us in children’s ministry have much to offer to those in youth ministry, and vice versa. To that end, I have found that following youth ministry blogs is a valuable resource in children’s ministry. The following, in know particular order, are nine of the best:

1. The Source for Youth Ministry (http://blog.thesource4ym.com/). This is the blog of Jonathan McKee and is part of The Source for Youth Ministry. It includes a articles on current cultural issues, parenting, youth ministry and much more.

2. Chad Swanzy (http://chadswanzy.com). Chad Swanzy is the student ministries director at Gateway Community Church in Austin, Texas. Chad shares all kinds of useful stuff for youth ministry on this site.

3. Average Youth Ministry (http://www.averageyouthministry.com). This blog covers all aspects of youth ministry from useful tools to youth workers and everything in between.

4. Re Youth Pastor (http://www.reyouthpastor.com/). This is a great blog for youth ministry. Make sure to check out the theology part of this blog.

5. Youth Leader Stash (http://youthleaderstash.com/). This is another site from Chad Swanzy whose goal is to bring together youth leaders to share the resources and information they have gathered.

6. Small Town Student Ministry (http://smalltownstudentministry.com/). Ben Read is the Youth Pastor at West Gate Baptist Church in Trenton, IL. Ben writes prolifically about youth ministry, and he has plenty of wisdom and insights to offer.

7. Youth Specialties (http://youthspecialties.com/blog). This blog brings together a team of writers from Youth Specialties. Youth Specialties works with youth ministries ministries around the globe through training seminars, conventions, resources and on the internet.

8. More Than Dodgeball (http://www.morethandodgeball.com/). Joshua Griffin is the High School Pastor at Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, CA. True to its name, this blog dispels the notion that youth ministry is just about playing dodge ball.

9. Fuller Youth Institute (http://fulleryouthinstitute.org/blog/). This blog from the Fuller Youth Institute deals with all things youth related.

(BONUS) Practical Youth Ministry (http://practicalyouthministry.com/). This is a newer site that shows great potential. It tackles many of the common problems you face when first setting up a student ministry in your church.

What youth blogs would you add to the listing? Just leave a comment below with your feedback.

The Power of Prayer (Connecting With Kids)

Wayne Stocks — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 13:08:41 +0000

Welcome to the second installment in my ongoing series on connecting with the kids in your ministry. Last time we looked at the importance of learning names. In this post I will examine the power of prayer.

A quick glance at the Bible reveals that prayer is a very important part of our spiritual journey. Philippians 4:6 tells us:

…do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Colossians 4:2 reminds us to,

Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 sums it all up in a very short verse:

…pray without ceasing…

We talk about our daily quiet time with God and praying for others. We take our requests to God throughout the days and weeks.

Many times though, we neglect this important area when it comes to things fundamental to our ministry like connecting with kids. There are a number of important things you can do in prayer when it comes to connecting with kids.

1. Pray for the Children in Children’s Ministry.

Many of us make time in our prayers to seek God about our ministry in general. We ask Him to guide our ministry and bless it. But, how often do you pray for the children in your ministry by name? Keep a list of the kids in your ministry and pray for them individually. As your relationships with them grow and they share about struggles in their lives, keep a list of specific prayer requests for each child. Get to know the names of their parents and siblings and pray for them as well. Spend time on your knees before your Creator pleading for the salvation of the children in your ministry.

2. Pray for Opportunities to Connect.

If our goal is to connect with kids, and it should be, prayer is the place to start. Ask God to give you deep and lasting connections with the kids in your ministry. Ask him to open their hearts to allow you to speak His Word into it. Ask for opportunities to invest in kids and disciple them. Pray that He would keep making connections with these kids at the forefront of your heart and mind. Ask Him daily to give you heart for His kids and the wisdom to teach them about Him.

3. Pray with the Children in Your Ministry.

Yes, we should spend time in prayer about the children in our ministry and asking God to open doors to connect with them, but it is critically important that we also spend time praying with them. Spend time each week talking to them about prayer and praying with them. Some kids take a little time to open up to the idea of praying out loud in a group, but don’t let that discourage you. Be a model of prayer for the kids. Let them see that prayer is a conversation with our heavenly father. Let them listen in as you pray for and about them and pour your heart out to God. Above all, be genuine in your prayer.

Nine Special Needs Blogs for Kidmin

Wayne Stocks — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 16:05:31 +0000

There are many opinions out there when it comes to the issue of ministering to children with special needs. This is not my area of expertise. However, it is an important issue that our children’s ministries must address. Like most things, I agree with the perspectives of some of these blogs more than others, and I trust the authors of certain blogs more than others.

Bottom line, these sites all have something to offer. I have endeavored not to include my personal opinions in this list. Instead I have largely commented on the author(s) of each blog based on information available from their websites (sometimes simply copying their own information from their blogs). I will leave it to you, the reader, to draw your own conclusions and separate the wheat from the chaff. So, in no particular order, here are nine special needs blogs for your reading enjoyment.

You’re welcome to leave your comments and even recommend other blogs we’ve missed.

The Inclusive Church (http://theinclusivechurch.wordpress.com/).

Amy Fenton Lee is a freelance writer specializing in addressing ministry issues for church leaders. Her articles have been featured in a variety of national, regional, secular, and Christian publications. As a passionate children’s ministry volunteer and the daughter of a church senior pastor, Amy understands the unique subculture of the church. Amy feels called to equip the corporate faith community to successfully include children with various neurological and physical differences. Amy has researched for her writing and speaking by interviewing hundreds of parents of children with special needs, church leaders, and secular professionals from the fields of education, medicine, and law. Some of her best insight has come from attending continuing education for professionals as well as visiting special education classrooms and autism camp. Amy is a popular workshop presenter for ministry conferences.

Kidmin1124 (http://www.kidmin1124.com)

In the interest of full disclosure, I should note that I am the founder and editor of Kidmin1124. Our site is not 100% dedicated to special needs. Our goal is to equip and encourage the community of kidmin volunteers and those who lead them. We have a team of great writers who consistently put out top-notched articles. One of those writers is Tonya Langdon who specializes in writing practical and informative article related to special needs.

Tonya currently is spear heading The Agape Connections (special needs ministry), teaches the 4th & 5th grader Sunday school class and leads a support group for parents who have children with A.D.H.D. and Behavioral Disorders at Skyline Church in La Mesa, Ca. Tonya started her journey, working with children and teens with special needs, in high school where she was able to come along side and mentor them. After adopting Jonathan, she found that there was a huge need for reliable, accurate information and support for the parents of children who have behavioral or developmental challenges. In addition she found that most churches were not equipped to work with families which meant parents could not attend church services themselves. The Agape Connections work with families who have special needs children so the entire family is able to attend church services and age appropriate church activities (Awana’s Mud Run, Kidz Night Out, VBS, etc.). For more information on Tonya’s journey with special needs children visit www.specialneedskidz.com , www.skylinechurch.org, or on Facebook. In Tonya’s “free time” she is studying for ordination, writes articles and co-owns an office products business with her brother. To find all of Tonya’s articles, click on the following link: http://kidmin1124.com/author/tonya/

Joni and Friends Blog (http://www.joniandfriends.org/blog/)

Joni and Friends is built on Biblical truth and the foundation of Jesus Christ. We are about advancing disability ministry and changing the church and communities around the world. The Joni and Friends International Disability Center (IDC) serves as the administrative center for ministries which provide outreach to thousands of families affected by disability around the globe. We invite you to browse our website to discover more ways you can be involved with our global outreach to the disability community!

Diving for Pearls (http://katiewetherbee.wordpress.com/)

Katie Wetherbee completed her undergraduate work at Vanderbilt University, where she majored in Special Education and Human & Organizational Development. Katie began her teaching career in the Washington, DC area at a public school. Since then, she has taught in a variety of settings, including a community college, a psychiatric hospital day school and a learning center. Katie holds a master’s degree in education from Hood College, where she served on the adjunct faculty for the Reading Specialist program.

Currently, Katie works as an educational consultant in private practice. Her firm, HOPE Educational Consulting, serves families in over 90 school districts and private schools in Ohio by providing solution-oriented advocacy. Her own experience as a mother to a child with special needs, along with her teaching background, gives Katie a unique perspective on advocacy.

A Different Dream for My Child (http://www.differentdream.com/)

DifferentDream.com is a gathering place for parents of special needs children. Dads and moms in the hospital with seriously or terminally ill kids feel isolated. So do parents whose children live with mental disabilities or chronic illnesses.

If you’re one of those parents, DifferentDream.com can help you find answers to questions like:

Why did God let this happen to our child?
Where do we find strength to deal with this diagnosis?
How do we navigate life in the hospital?
How do we juggle life inside and outside the hospital?
When we take our chronically ill child home, how will we cope?
What will life be like if our child dies?
If our child survives, how do we regain a normal life?

This is the blog of Jolene Philo.

Chosen Families (http://chosenfamilies.org/)

The mission of ChosenFamilies.org is to provide resources, connections and encouragement to families with hidden disabilities and to educate and provide resources to religious leaders as they minister to families with these needs. ChosenFamilies.org will be a platform where people can exchange creative ideas to meet the challenges of living and prospering within a family with special needs. We will endeavor to inform, educate, inspire, motivate, and encourage families and churches in this vitally important mission. This blog brings together a number of authors to write for the site.

Church for Every Child (http://drgrcevich.wordpress.com/)

Dr. Steve Grcevich is a physician specializing in child and adolescent psychiatry. He’s had opportunities to do research, teach, speak and travel extensively with my day job. He also serves as President of Key Ministry offering free training, consultation and resources to churches seeking to welcome, include and serve families of kids with “hidden disabilities,” ADHD, anxiety, autism spectrum disorders and bipolar disorder. He serves on the board of his local church and is interested in how the church can do a better job of partnering with families in helping kids grow spiritually.

Autism From the Lighter Side (http://autismfromthelighterside.wordpress.com/)

Elizabeth Givler explains, “Like many women, I wear many hats! I’m a wife, mom, teacher, speaker, writer, blogger, and I have started a home business.

I empower and equip others to live fulfilling lives:

I facilitate disability awareness workshops for non-profit / faith based organizations, especially in the area of autism.
I research and write about things that make it “easier” to live life to the fullest– whether it is about products that make my life easier, resources for daily living, or community organizations that offer needed services.
I blog about what lightens my load as an autism mom.
I equip people who are “crazy busy” and health conscious to have quick, easy, and healthy meals that everyone will love through my Wildtree business. I provide a means to connect with other like-minded people through the Wildtree home parties.
I teach clarinet lessons to those who want to learn, including students who have autism, so that they may have a creative outlet and find a place to belong.
I have three kids, two of whom are on the autism spectrum. Everyday is about learning, teaching and growing. There is never a dull moment!

The Works of God Displayed (http://www.theworksofgoddisplayed.com/)

Shannon Dingle has an MAEd in Special Education. She is a former special education teacher, the wife to one and a stay-at-home mom to two. She is also the Special needs ministry coordinator at her church. She is passionate about sharing the Gospel with everyone, including those with disabilities. The tagline to this blog is “because a church that loves Jesus must also be one that loves people with special needs.”

BONUS BLOG:

All Access (http://www.accessministryblog.com/)

After posting this article, I received a couple of suggestions for an addition to the list. Since they were all for the same blog, I’ve gone ahead and added it here. Consider this one a “bonus blog” for free. I know I’m glad to have found it!

The All Access blog is run by Jackie Mills-Fernald. I’ve heard nothing but good things about it.

Access Ministry is the “disability ministry” of McLean Bible Church. While the word “disability” is used, we prefer to think of Access as a ministry of “possibilities” not defined by what can’t be done but rather by what all individuals regardless of ability level can achieve in God’s house. We believe in Access to God for all His people and celebrate our uniqueness and differences. It is our hope to develop all people into fully-devoted followers of Christ, integrated into the church.

Access Ministry has a holistic approach to care for individuals with disabilities and their families by providing spiritual, physical, and emotional care. We accomplish this through an incredibly passionate staff and core group of volunteers with servant hearts.

Volunteer Recruitment: Why “Easy” Is the Wrong Motivation

Wayne Stocks — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 10:00:18 +0000

Recently, I was talking with someone about volunteer recruitment in kids ministry. A well-meaning conversant suggested we should publicize the fact that volunteering in children’s ministry is “easy.”

I totally understand the heart and sentiment behind the suggestion – that we need to help assuage the fear and trepidation that many people feel about volunteering in children’s ministry so that they will take that step into serving.

That said, I do have worry about trying to “sell people” on volunteering just because it’s easy. Here is my reasoning:

When we tell people that volunteering is easy, we devalue the work we all do in children’s ministry. When we say, “Look, it doesn’t require hardly any effort at all. If you’re willing to put in the minimum amount of time, you can do this too,” we sell short the hard work that we really do in children’s ministry of sowing a foundation of God’s Word in a child’s heart. Things that are easy have very little value.
The fact that something is “easy” is not a sufficient motivation for doing anything. When I look around for something to do, I want something that will challenge me. That fact that I can do something easy to check it off of a to do list is a lot less appealing than doing something difficult that will have eternal implications.
When things are made “too easy” for people, they never take ownership of them. You don’t want to give the impression to potential volunteers that you are just looking for warm bodies. They should feel privileged to have to opportunity to volunteer in the most dynamic and impactful ministry in the church.
When we endeavor to make things “easy” it gives the impression that who volunteers isn’t really important. If it’s that easy, then anyone can do it. You want volunteers to know that they are special, and we need them!
Selling volunteers on “easy” will discourage them from being innovative. Innovation happens in response to problems and issue that arise in the normal course of marriage. If you make things “easy” on your volunteers then the only innovation in your children’s ministry will be limited to your own imagination. In making things “easy” you effectively shut out all of the creativity of your volunteer team.
In addition to discouraging creativity and innovation, if your volunteers start from the vantage point that their service in children’s ministry is supposed to be “easy,” you are likely to squelch any internal motivation that your volunteers bring to the table.
If you sell people on “easy,” there is a good chance that you are lying to them. If it’s done right, children’s ministry should not be easy no matter what your position is. We should labor in preparation. We should labor in prayer. We should labor in grief over the eternal souls of the children we serve. No, children’s ministry was not designed to be easy.

So, next time you’re out their recruiting volunteers, don’t take the “easy” approach. Invite people to join your team and share your vision for the children’s ministry. Explain to them the impact that they can have on children’s lives and invite them to a ministry that will be challenging, tiring, and fulfilling.

For more great articles for and about volunteers, check out Kidmin1124.com, the only blog on the internet written entirely from the perspective of bi-vocational and volunteer children’s ministers.

Top 10 Church Leadership Blogs for Kidmin

Wayne Stocks — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 09:23:02 +0000

Many of those who work in children’s ministry are leaders. Whether you are the Children’s Pastor or a weekly volunteer, there is a lot to be learned from reading about leadership. In no particular order, here are ten of my favorite blogs dealing with the issue of leadership:

1. Michael Hyatt (http://michaelhyatt.com/). Michael Hyatt is the chairman of Thomas Nelson Publishing. This is his personal blog where he focuses on what he calls “intentional leadership.”

2. Seth Godin (http://sethgodin.typepad.com/). Seth Godin is a well known author and blogger. There is always something to be gleaned from his prolific writing.

3. Perry Noble (http://www.perrynoble.com/). Perry Noble is an outspoken kind of guy. He is the Senior Pastor at new Spring Church in South Carolina. Though he has scaled back his writing, one of the things he still writes frequently about is leadership.

4. Carey Neiuwhof (http://careynieuwhof.com/). Carey Neiuwhof is the Lead Pastor at Connexus Community Church in Toronto, Canada. His articles tackle all kinds of issues pertinent to leadership.

5. Jim Wideman (http://jimwideman.blogspot.com/). Jim Wideman is a leader in the children’s ministry community. He is an author, a speaker, a blogger, a children’s pastor, and a youth pastor. He has been a leading voice in children’s ministry for years. I think he would tell you that his most important role though is as a father, and now a grandfather. Jim writes prolifically and oftentimes about leadership specifically in the field of children’s ministry.

6. Donald Miller (http://donmilleris.com/). This is not your typical leadership blog. Donald Miller is the well know author of such books as “Blue Like Jazz” and “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.” I included him in this category because he feel he brings something unique to the table which other leadership blogs do not. He will challenge the way you think and the way you act.

7. Coach Shef (http://www.coachshef.com/). Coach Shef is Tom Shefchunas. We should start by thanking him for the shorter name. Coach Shef is the Multi-Campus Director of Middle School at NorthPoint Community Church in Georgia. In this blog he writes about leadership from a coach’s perspective offering keen insights and wisdom.

8. Tony Morgan (http://tonymorganlive.com/). Tony Morgan is the Campus Pastor of the Oak Leaf Campus and serves on the leadership team of West Ridge Church near Atlanta. He is also the well known author of the book “Killing Cockroaches.” His blog deals specifically and practically with issues related to church leadership.

9. Ed Stetzer (http://blogs.lifeway.com/blog/edstetzer). Ed Stetzer is the head of Lifeway Research. In addition to articles based on their findings, his blog also includes practical information and discussions of importance to church leaders.

10. Larry Shallenberger (http://www.larryshallenberger.com). Larry Shallenberger is a pastor and author in Erie, PA where he serves on the pastoral team at Grace Church. Larry is a former children’s pastor and author of the book “Lead the Way God Made You.” His blog covers a multitude of topics, but there is something in every article that will get you thinking!

Divorce and Children: How Can Your Ministry Help?

Wayne Stocks — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 11:33:15 +0000

You can help! If you were a child of divorced parents, please click here to take a survey related to your experience. This will help us better understand the challenges divorce presents to ministry.

You might be surprised to find out that the divorce rate in the United States is actually decreasing and has been since it reached its high point in the early 1980s. Despite the relatively small decrease, it is still an epidemic. Recent studies show that the projected divorce rate for first marriages in this country is approximately 43%. For second marriages, that rate shoots up to 60%. Indeed, while the decrease in the rate of divorce is a good thing, it is driven primarily by an increase in cohabitation and failure to marry rather than a “real” decrease in divorce.

You might think, given the Biblical mandates on divorce, that divorce rates in the church would be much lower than those in the general population. Unfortunately, that is not true! According to a Barna study done in 2004:

Although many Christian churches attempt to dissuade congregants from getting a divorce, the research confirmed a finding identified by Barna a decade ago (and further confirmed through tracking studies conducted each year since): born again Christians have the same likelihood of divorce as do non-Christians.

There is no denying that as a society, we have become much more accepting of marriage. In a recent study by the Pew Research forum, they found that:

Asked to consider two views about divorce, a majority of the general public chooses “divorce is painful, but preferable to maintaining an unhappy marriage” over the view that “divorce should be avoided except in an extreme situation” (58% to 38%).

In a society that values the “happiness” and “rights” of the parents, what is often lost in the discussion is the devastating impact that divorce has on children. In her book Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce, revealing the results of her groundbreaking study on the children of divorce, Elizabeth Marquardt cuts to the chase:

You will find only a few books on divorced families, at least in proportion to the number of divorced families in this country, and most of them are upbeat guides on how to divorce rather than in-depth looks at the lives of divorced children. Strangely, our culture seems only too happy to talk about dysfunctional intact families – to point fingers at all the ways married parents can mess up with their children – but it falls silent about divorce because no one wants to make divorced parents feel bad.

Consider that half of the children in America today will live through the divorce of their parents. Of that 50%, half of those children will see the dissolution of their parents’ second marriage as well. Since roughly 1972, over 1 million children each year have experienced the divorce of their parents. By 2008, 3 out of every 10 minor children were living in a single-parent home (note: this does not include children of divorce whose parents had remarried). Recent studies show that divorce rates in rural America are now just as high as those in suburban and urban America. The point is, there is no doubt that children of divorce are not only present but prevalent in your children’s ministries. It is our job to minister to these kids, and part of that process is understanding what they are going through.

It is time that we engaged in the conversation. The impact of divorce on children can no longer be ignored, and as those in children’s ministry who are called to minister to the needs of these children, it is time that we stepped up to the plate and did something about it. Consider the following additional finding from Ms. Marquardt’s study:

Of those grown children of divorce who were active in a church at the time of their parents’ divorce, two-thirds said that no one from the clergy or congregation reached out to them at that time.

As a church, we have largely failed these kids. That is not true of every local church, but it is true of many. We have turned a blind eye to the special needs of these children because we were unaware of the issue, unwilling to address it or afraid that somehow ministering to these children would be construed as condoning the act of divorce itself. It is high time that we got past these fears and insecurities and got about the business of ministering to God’s children. These kids are as important to God as any others. We serve a God who “binds up the brokenhearted.” It is time that we acted as his hands and feet to these kids who natural support systems (their families) have imploded at a time when they need them the most. It is time that the church stepped in, in whatever way that we can, to fill that void.

While each child is clearly unique, and each divorce is unique, there are some common emotions and reaction that many children of divorce share. A comprehensive list is beyond the scope of this article (and quite possibly impossible to compile), but here are some things that you as a children’s minister should be aware of in ministering to children of divorce:

Children of divorce are always missing someone. Kids love their parents and generally don’t understand why they can’t get along. When they are with mom, they miss dad and vice versa. This will continue for their entire childhood, and likely beyond.
Divorce shatters a child’s foundation. Everything they have believed in and everything that they have counted on shatters in an instant. They begin to question (throughout their childhood) all aspects of their lives.
To a child, divorce is not a single event. It is a trigger that changes their lives forever and which they may never fully recover from.
Children who spend time in different homes with two different families often report that they feel like two different people depending on where they are staying.
The rituals that a child has become accustomed to are often shattered during a divorce. Children desire ritual, and they are likely to replace these lost rituals with unhealthy ones if healthy alternatives are not provided.
Younger children are likely to regress in their behavior as their parents move through the divorce process.
Divorce is something that children need to grieve. However, their grief does not move along a straight line. Instead, many children are likely to re-experience the grief of their parents’ divorce as they move through each developmental stage.
Many children experience the loss of childhood going through a divorce as they are expected to take on many more adult responsibilities.
Many children of divorce start to tackle deep spiritual questions earlier in life. They are faced with questions like, “Why did God let this happen to my family?” and “Why didn’t God answer my prayer for my parents to get back together?”
Some of the common emotional responses of children of divorce include:
- Anger
- Aggressiveness
- Anxiety
- Confusion
- Denial
- Depression
- Loss of Control
- Resentment
- Sadness
- Guilt
- Fear
- Stress
Children can manifest the feelings they have about the divorce in any number of ways. These include:
- Acting out
- Pretending everything is fine
- Withdrawal
- Complaining
- Attitude and discipline problems
- Self-destructive behaviors
- Being clingy

There is much that we, as the church, need to do to minister to this oft-neglected mission field of Children of Divorce. This article is all about the first step – getting the conversation started!

If you are interested in additional resources, I have written several articles about this issue and done three radio shows specifically designed to get the conversation started. I encourage you to check out these additional resources:

Additionally, we have created a group on CMConnect.org to further discuss ministering to children of divorce. Make sure to stop by and join Leading With Love. We are blessed to have some experts amongst those who monitor the forum for questions and discussions.

If your church is interested in doing something to help these kids, make sure you check out the Divorce Care for Kids (DC4K) curriculum. Also, make sure to check out the personal website of Linda Ranson Jacobs. That site is Hlp4. Linda was our guest on Kidmin Volunteer Radio to talk specifically about ministering to children of divorce. She is actually the author of the DC4K curriculum, and I am certain that she would be happy to talk to you more about it if your church is interested. You can contact her by using this form on her website.

8 Simple VBS Games for Preschoolers

Wayne Stocks — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 14:32:58 +0000

Last summer, my wife ran the games portion of our Vacation Bible School for preschoolers. Now, I do Awana games every Wednesday nights for Kindergarten through Sixth grade with a couple of hundred kids each week, but those games do not translate well to preschoolers. So, here are some preschool VBS games we came up with that are great for your three and four-year olds:

1. Duck, Duck, Goose

This game is a classic. Kids love it, and there is no set up required. The children sit in a circle. One child is selected to be it and walk around the circle. As they walk around the outside of the circle, they tap each child’s head and say “Duck.” When they get to the child they select, they tap their head and say “Goose.” The Goose must get up and run around the circle chasing “it”.” The person who is it must try to get all the way around the circle and sit in the Goose’s spot without getting tagged. The Goose then becomes the next it. If the “it” doesn’t make it back without being tagged, they must sit in the middle of the circle until the next round.

2. Limbo

All you need for this is a rope (a jump rope works well) and some music. Two leaders hold the rope and, as the music plays, each child must try to walk under the rope without letting it touch any part of their body. The only catch is that hands, arm, feet and knees are not allowed to touch the ground (you can suspend some of these rules with really young kids). If the rope does touch the child, that child is out. After every child has had a turn, the leaders lower the rope and the process continues. Continue lowering the rope after each round until only one player is left.

3. Cut the Cake

Line the kids up in a circle. One child walks around the circle with their hands above their head touching their palms together (“Walk Like An Egyptian” style for all you fan’s of 80’s music). In this pose, the child looks like a knife. When that child is ready to “cut the cake” they bring their arms down between two of the sitting players. Those players must jump up and run around the circle in opposite directions. The first one back is the winner and gets to be the cake cutter for the next round.

4. Balloon Relays

Kids love balloons. For these relay races, you will need one balloon for each team. Have each team line up on one side of the room. Each player must bat the balloon (without letting it hit the ground) all the way to the other side of the room and back. When they get back to their team, the next player takes the balloon and does the same. The first team with all players back in line wins.

5. Freeze Tag

Freeze tag is a simple game of controlled chaos. One or two players are selected to be “It” (depending on the size of your group, you may need more). If It tags someone, they are frozen until someone else (non-It) tags them to unfreeze them. The goal is for the players to get back to a pre-defined home base without being frozen.

6. Red Light, Green Light

This is another classic. All kids line up on one side of the room against a wall. A leader stands facing away from the children and says either “red light, green light or yellow light.” On Green Light, children are allowed to walk quickly towards the leader. On Yellow Light, they must walk slowly. And, when the leader says Red Light, they must stop immediately. If a player continues to move after the leader says red light, they must go back to the beginning and start over. The first player to touch the leader wins.

7. Simon Says

In this game, the children are given a series of commands like run in place, do jumping jacks, scratch your head, pat your belly, etc. If the leader precedes the command with “Simon Says” the children must start to do the activity, or they are out. If the leader does not say “Simon Says” before the command, the children should ignore it and continue with what they were already doing. If a child does begin to do the activity which was not preceded by “Simon Says,” they are out. Last child standing wins.

8. Guess the Picture

A simple game to play with kids is similar to the old game show “Win, Lose or Draw.” In this game, the children are divided into two groups. Leaders take turns drawing pictures on a white board, and the first team to correctly guess what the leader is drawing gets a point. Play to a pre-determined number of points.

Ten Board Games Every Children’s Ministry Ought to Have

Wayne Stocks — Tue, 31 May 2011 13:36:47 +0000

I was looking in our toy and game cabinet at church this weekend and that got me thinking about the games that every children’s ministry ought to have. It also got me thinking about the advantages of some games over others. Sure, Rock ‘Em / Sock ‘Em Robots is fun, but is there really a way to “use it” in children’s ministry. The following were my thoughts about games which would be useful in children’s ministry (or youth ministry) that you might want to make sure are in your cabinet.

Most of these games are fairly common, and I am assuming that you are familiar with the basic premise for most of them. As you read this article, think yourself about how you can use a short game with a child to further the cause of Christ. Click here to let me know what you think.

1. Checkers

The classic of all classic. I like the oversized boards with the oversized pieces that you find at country stores and places like Cracker Barrel. Not all kids know how to play, but those who do really enjoy the game. To my mind, the greatest thing about this game is that it is care free enough (for most players) that you can carry on a conversation during the game.

2. Apples to Apples

Apples to Apples is a game where people select adjectives from the cards in their hands to describe of noun. One person then picks one of the cards, and that person get a point for the round. The first person to X points wins the game, but this game is about a whole lot more than winning. It encourages kids to think and strategize in selecting their adjectives. I have found that the choices made often lead to further discussions which is the real gift of this game.

3. Chess

Even more so than checkers, you will find that many people either just don’t get chess or don’t enjoy it. However, those who do play love the challenge and the strategy of the game. In children’s ministry, you will find that it is mostly older elementary kids who play, and many are just learning the game. That said, chess is a great game to get kids thinking beyond just the next move. In life, that translates to learning something about delayed gratification which is a good thing in our culture. It is also very applicable to the sacrifices we make in this age and the rewards we will receive in heaven.

4. Pictionary

I love Pictionary even though my drawing abilities are often worse than the kids I am playing with. This game encourages team work, imagination and abstract thinking as kids try to guess what on earth it is that their teammates are drawinf. For those reasons alone, it is a must have.

5. Connect Four

This one is a classic. Line up four of your checkers in a row before your opponent does. Like checkers, this game is generally light hearted enough that it allows plenty of time for conversation while you are playing. It is also simple enough that almost anyone can play. Games are also generally shorter which makes it very adaptable to almost any time frame.

6. You Gotta Be Kidding

From the makers of the adult game “Would You Rather?” this kid version poses ridiculously goofy choices to kids who must chose whether they would pick one or the other option. Everyone else at the table then has to guess how that person voted. It is a great way, albeit very unorthodox, to get to know one another. The rules also require the chooser to explain why they made the choice they made which encourages cognitive thought.

7. Uno

Everybody loves Uno – well almost everyone! Rarely have I come across a game where everyone plays from age three through age 99. At my house we range in age from 3 to 38 (with 8, 10, 17 and a 37 thrown in for good measure), and we all love the game. There are so many different “house” rules for this game, that you’re likely to have fun just figuring out what you want to rule set to be.

8. Jenga

Jenga is a great game for your more active learners. They get to touch the pieces and try to defy gravity as you build a higher tower. The game provides ample suspense and plenty of time to talk as you carefully remove each piece and add it to the top. There’s an object lesson here about how God changes us as well, but we won’t go into that right now!

9. A Deck of Cards

A simple deck of cards is extremely versatile. You can play war or rummy or old maid or any number of other games with the kids in your ministry. You can play games one-on-one or as a group. You can do magic tricks with them (assuming you know any). You can build card houses.

10. Cranium

There are a number of different versions of Cranium that I have played. Most involve having the kids try to get their teammates to guess the clue doing crazy things like humming, charades, and much much more. These are great games for kids and adults to act silly together and have fun trying to work together toward a common goal.

There is one constant in all of these games that makes them great for children’s ministry. They give you time to talk to the kids while your playing and building relationships around shared experiences.