Ministry-To-Children.com » Encouragement & Vision

How To Earn Trust with Parents

Jenny Funderburke — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 15:19:01 +0000

Recently our community experienced a great tragedy in which it was revealed that an individual who was highly respected and trusted had been living a life of unbelievable sin for decades. Yet again, a trusted leader who claimed to be a believer in Jesus had broken trust with an entire town.

Our world hears these stories over and over. In this case, it was a highly esteemed teacher. In many cases it is a pastor, a youth pastor, a government official, or some other high level leader who messes up big time and causes many to wonder who can truly be trusted.

We live in a world where cynicism and distrust are prevalent. Gone are the days where it is people’s first instinct to trust church leaders, and honestly, who can blame them?

So, how can we build trust with parents in such an untrusting culture? Here are seven ways I’ve been thinking about. You can leave a comment below to add your own thoughts.

1. Have very strict safety procedures in place. Make sure you have a very specific plan for how children are kept safe in your environments. Do background checks of everyone who is around kids. Restrict who has access to children. Be clear about diapering and restroom procedures. Don’t ever allow one adult to be alone with children. Have a system that ensures that the right child goes with the right parent.

2. Communicate your procedures. Procedures are great, but parents need to know what they are. Build trust by communicating what you are doing to keep their children safe.

3. Be consistent. Procedures to keep kids safe do no good unless they are followed consistently. Whatever your systems are, do your best to enforce them and to be uniform. God forbid that the one time we forget to check a tag it is and adult who does not have authority to pick up a child. Yes, parents may grumble about some of the policies, but in the long run it builds trust to be consistent.

4. Build relationship. Put yourself in a position where at some point each week you can connect with parents. It might be greeting them as they come in, or saying good-bye as they leave. It may be visiting grown-up Sunday school classes. It might be greeting outside of the worship center. Occasionally consider teaching classes for grown-ups or investigate other ways that you can connect with them. Look for opportunities for your teachers and workers to connect with parents. Help parents know who they are leaving their kids with.

5. When you mess up, admit it. Sometimes in ministry we don’t want to admit when we blow it. But we will. We will put a kid in a wrong room or a kid will get hurt from a goofy activity or lose someone’s permission slip. We can either be defensive and full of excuses, or we can just say we are sorry and make it better. We build trust with parents when we just say we are sorry.

6. Look for ways to serve. Matthew 20:28 reminds us that Jesus came not to be served, but to serve. When we focus alot on what parents should be doing to make our lives better (i.e., they should serve more, they should show up on time, they should do our take-home sheets), we often end up communicating that feeling unintentionally. That does not build trust. Instead, let us focus on serving parents. Look for ways, big and small, to make their lives better.

7. Pray hard. Pray for the kids and families in your ministry. Pray for God to give you favor with them. Pray for Him to help them trust. Pray for Him to show you opportunities to build trust and to reveal ways that you might be losing trust.

7 Ways Small Churches Can Reach Preteens

Guest Writer — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 13:55:28 +0000

**This is a guest post from Nick Diliberto from PreteenMinistry.net

In my last post, I offered many reasons for small churches (or church plants) to launch a preteen ministry. In this post, I’m going to share a few ways they can effectively reach preteens.

1. Split up preteens for weekend services. Ideally, it’s the best way to go. If preteens meet separately, you can design programming and an environment that is age specific. As a result, you maximize impact. However, not every small church has the resources to do so. If that’s you, read on.

2. Launch a midweek group. Midweek is a great tool to reach preteens. It provides the environment for relationships to flourish, spiritual growth to excel and newcomers to be reached. It is also a great alternative if you don’t have the resources to meet separately on Sundays.

3. Have relational events. Peer relationships are a priority for preteens. They’re attracted to an environment that revolves around making and being with friends. Having relational preteen events can meet that need. Some ideas: laser tag, game night, sleepover, bowling, water inflatable party, Nerf Wars (lots of Nerf guns and night of battle) and a swim party. Think simple and easy. The idea is to get them together and have fun. No need to be over the top.

4. Train preteens to be leaders. Preteens want to serve. They want to help. So, recruit and train them to be leaders. Have them help out with younger kids for Sunday services and special events. Be sure to train them well. Don’t just throw them out to the wolves. Take time to be clear about their specific role and responsibilities. Point out what they’re doing well and help them improve on their weaknesses.

5. Go to camp. Preteens have life-changing experiences at camp. Partner with other churches in your area and share the responsibilities of doing your own camp. That way, it doesn’t all fall on your shoulders. Or bring your group to a camp that provides all the programming. That way, you and your leaders spend time connecting with students.

6. Launch small groups. Small groups are great for preteens because of their relational nature. Do them at church, homes or coffee shops. They can be a means to reach many goals: discipleship, relationship or outreach. Whatever form or location you chose will most likely be effective. Why. Because preteen small groups are effective!

7. Come up with a name. Naming the ministry creates a group identity. Give it a name and preteens identify with the ministry. Think about it. Your favorite football team, restaurant and ice cream has a name. Everything has a name. Let preteens help you come up one. Trust me, they’ll come up with better ideas than you :)

Nick Diliberto is creator of PreteenMinistry.net, which provides creative curriculum and resources for preteen ministry. He is also the preteen columnist for Children’s Ministry Magazine and Children’s Pastor at Seven San Diego Church.

Preteen Ministry for Small Churches – Why Bother?

Guest Writer — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 13:43:10 +0000

**This is a guest post from Nick Diliberto from PreteenMinistry.net

Many churches everywhere are realizing the need for a preteen ministry. Most large churches see the need for a ministry specific to 4^th,5^th or 6^th graders. Sometimes because of the large amount of kids in attendance and other times in an attempt to target the specific needs of preteens.

However, many small churches and church plants miss out on effectively reaching preteens. Not having a high attendance, all elementary ages are lumped together. Consequently, the older kids often disengage and churches miss an opportunity to effectively reach students. In other churches, a Sunday school class for this age group is created, but with little impact. Often, leaders struggle with how to grab their attention and battle restless 5^th grade boys who seem to enjoy terrorizing them. If you’re a small church, odds are you recognize the need for a preteen ministry. Let me give you a number of reasons it should be on your radar. Some you may have thought of and some you haven’t.

Why bother launching a preteen ministry in a small church?

Preteens are unique. They’re not children anymore nor are they teenagers They’re in transition and are undergoing change in every area of life: physical, emotional, social, mental and spiritual. They require a unique approach to ministry that fits their specific needs.

Preteens face unique issues. Emerging issues like healthy guy/girl relationships, peer pressure, poor self-esteem and bullying are some of their many struggles. If we can speak God’s truth in all these areas, we set them up for success now, in the teenage years and beyond.

Preteens are relational. Peer relationships become a priority. They want to spend more time with friends and develop relationships with others their age. That’s why preteens check out when mixed with younger kids. Also, peer influence becomes stronger. A healthy preteen ministry creates a safe place where students make good choices and learn from their peers what it means to follow Jesus. Instead of peers negatively influencing one another, positive influence is abundant.

Preteens can own their relationship with Jesus. A relationship with Jesus can become real, no longer something just for their parents. It can surpass the rituals of showing up for church or shallow prayer. Programming can be infused with elements that encourage preteens to experience God and walk with Jesus in everyday life.

Many churches make the decision to launch a preteen ministry based on numbers. Numbers shouldn’t be the determining factor, rather meeting their specific needs should. And that requires having some type of programming just for preteens.

In small churches, preteen ministry can take on many different forms. Not everyone has the resources to split up age groups on Sunday, so they explore other options. Maybe they have monthly relational events for preteens or launch a preteen midweek group.

In my next post, I’ll give small churches tons of ways to specifically target preteens. So, stay tuned for more.

The Secret of Effective Preteen Ministry

Guest Writer — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 17:33:31 +0000

**This is a guest post from Nick Diliberto from PreteenMinistry.net

After 8 years of fighting the idea, I finally agreed to get a family dog. Her name is BonBon and she is a Chihuahua and Dotson mix, Chiweenie for short. After the first week, I quickly became attached to her. Good thing, since I am usually the one to give her a walk in the evening.

Attached to a leash, she goes absolutely nuts. It’s like she’s ADHD and been given a triple shot of espresso with extra sugar! Recently, I was walking her on the boardwalk near the bay and decided to let her go. I took off the leash and you would have thought she won the lottery. She was in heaven running all around, rolling in the dirt and sniffing every smell imaginable. But the cool thing is that she earned my trust. She kept up with me as I walked at a steady pace. When I called her, she came to me. She needed some freedom, so I decided to let go and stay close by.

When it comes to leading preteens, our job is to let go but stay close by. Preteens are able to own their relationship with Jesus. They want to experience God on their own and engage with Him in everyday life. They are moving towards independence in all areas of life, including their spiritual lives.

In order for preteens to take the first steps with God, leaders need to let go. Letting go means we encourage them to ask questions about God, Jesus and the Bible. We’re not afraid to let them ask tough questions and guide them to search for the answers. We allow preteens to own the ministry and give them opportunities to lead. We give opportunities to hear what God is speaking to them during programming. We ask preteens what topics are relevant and structure series around their responses.

Letting go is important, but so is staying close by. We walk alongside of them and their parents offering guidance, support, prayer and encouragement. When they mess up, we help them get back up. When they come up with weird conclusions from the Bible way out in left field, we guide them back to the truth. When life hits them hard and their parents get divorced or a family member dies, we stick close by.

BonBon needed freedom and I took the risk of letting go. Preteens need some freedom in order to truly own their relationship with Jesus. Leaders can offer that freedom by letting go and staying close by.

Nick Diliberto is the creator of PreteenMinistry.net, which provides creative curriculum and resources for preteen ministry. He’s also the preteen columnist for Children’s Ministry magazine and Children’s Pastor at Seven San Diego Church in southern California.

What Can Tree Roots Teach about Ministry?

Kristin Charles — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 13:03:10 +0000

Scientists who study trees have determined that a tree’s roots grow outward to about three times the spread of its branches. Roots have a vast network underground that is largely unseen.

We never consider a tree’s roots unless a problem unearths itself.

Maybe hurricane force winds threaten the structure of a tree. Maybe erosion along a river exposes the roots to the elements and the tree looks like it’s just barely holding on. Or maybe some sort of disease or infestation attacks the roots, jeopardizing the entire health of the tree.

Tree roots develop, survive, and flourish where there is adequate oxygen and moisture. Essentially they need water and space to dive down deep in good soil. However, in compact soil, the roots grow close to the ground surface, increasing the vulnerability of the roots and therefore the tree.

So what does any of this have to do with children’s ministry? Everything.

I don’t know about you, but often times I forget that the saving work of my ministry is what happens before I leave the house. It’s in the quiet study of the Word of God, the stillness of prayer, and the heart of worship that brings action to words of praise.

Problems in our ministries will come. They may be hurricane force winds with children and their parents, our own staff and leadership, our church family, and maybe our own family. Or maybe the issues will look more like quiet erosion; unearthing our patience and withstanding.

Without ensuring that we have adequate breathing room, our roots will be shallow. Things may appear held together, but underneath the surface, our foundation is skewed. Without the Living Water drenching us and absorbing into our soul, our roots will be dry and irritable; our soil shallow. It is not unlike the familiar parable of the soils. Plants wither without good roots.

Jeremiah 17:7 also speaks to this very principle,

“Blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in Him [and not himself]. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

However this finds you today, I hope that you know how valuable your ministry is. I hope that you know that lives are being changed by Christ in you, whether you can see it or not. I hope that you know that your work is worthwhile.

I also pray that as you have labored hard, you will take time out for yourself; for much-needed rest, encouragement, and soul care. Find some breathing room, drink the water of the Word, and send your roots down slowly and far. You have given much. Now the most valuable thing you can do is receive; from Him who has given you life to the full.

Reverse Evangelism: Reaching Families by Serving First

Nicole VanderMeulen — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 14:07:58 +0000

Are you finalizing your plans for the fall festival, harvest party, trunk or treat, pumpkin carving, or other Halloween related outreach event at your church? A key component of these type of events is always planning how we will connect with, minister to, evangelize with, and preach the gospel for all those in attendance, especially guests who are not part of our church community. It’s your big chance to reel them in, right!??! I am going to be so bold as to suggest that maybe this year your plan of attack to win new followers of Jesus would be to have no plan at all.

You read that right. What if you skipped handing out tracts, asking people to share their contact information, or attaching a Bible verse to each piece of candy? What if instead you just provided a free, family friendly, welcoming event with no strings attached or ulterior motive? You in fact would be ministering in much the same way Jesus did. He healed the sick, fed the hungry, befriended outcasts, and gave endless forgiveness and love, not to mention his life and asked for NOTHING in return. Imagine how Christianity could be transformed if we provided genuine hospitality. What if people wanted to come to your church because they wanted to care for others the way you do, not because they were enticed or guilted into it?

I am not arguing that Jesus didn’t ask us to go into the world to share the good news and make disciples. He certainly did, but his request didn’t come with an instruction manual and maybe, just maybe we don’t go about our evangelizing in the most helpful way sometimes. Though I myself have a very strong Christian faith and even work for a church, I RUN the other way when someone knocks at my door with their faith based literature or wants my phone number so they can call and invite me to their church. I actually find it quite rude. I have a faith and it may be different from yours. Please don’t try to persuade me about of my beliefs. Instead, be my friend, show me how you love and care for the world around you, and put sincerity into discovering who I am and what I am about, and you might just get my attention.

Don’t think that the first time you forgo the intricate evangelism tactics that you will have droves of new members flocking through the church doors. You won’t. But maybe the fifth or sixth or twentieth time somebody feels your sincere welcome, they just might stick around. Even if they don’t, you can consider yourself successful in that you are serving as Jesus served, expecting nothing in return.

Reverse evangelism has worked at my church in my community. Will you give it a try in yours?

Funny Kids Story “Which Service?”

Tony Kummer — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 15:51:05 +0000

This funny story came to me through email. I’m not sure who first wrote it but wanted to share it with you here. Leave a comment to share your own humorous stories.

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it.

The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, ‘Good morning Alex.’

‘Good morning Pastor,’ he replied, still focused on the plaque. ‘Pastor, what is this?’

The pastor said, ‘Well son, it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service .’ Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Finally, little Alex’s voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked, ‘Which service , the 8:30 or the 10:45?’

This should remind us all that kids are “literal thinkers” and understand the world according to their own experience. Keep that in mind when teaching Sunday School this weekend!

How will you make today matter?

Tony Kummer — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 12:52:30 +0000

Lately, I keep asking myself the same question every morning.

What can I do today that’s really going to matter in the long run?

Without getting too philosophical, this little question aligns the day with my real values. This personal challenge helps me make little choices that define the most important issues. Here are the answers I’m banking on today:

I choose to love my family. This means building them up through kind words, service, and my own positive example. Today is a school day, so I’ll get at least 45 minutes of car time to make that happen for my kids.

I choose to make my work beautiful. Even the smallest tasks can become art and bring glory to God. When we do little projects the right way, it can make a positive impact in the world. So today I’m working on my lesson plan for this weekend, do I have the courage to do something amazing?

I choose to help others matter too. What if I could multiply good through my actions? What if my positive choices could be amplified across thousands of other lives? It’s Tuesday, so I’m about to email 25,000 readers and share this article for the first time.

I choose to follow Jesus’ example. I’ve listed this last, but it’s the impulse behind this whole list. He’s the supreme example of living for others. Every moment walking in his steps will never be wasted. I’m not sure where this one will lead today, but I’m excited to find out.

Now the reality check. Anyone who knows me offline can debunk this list in a few minutes. I would be a hypocrite to pretend like I always get these things right. That’s the problem with doing hard things, we often fail and need the grace of God to wrap around our puny efforts.

But what’s my other option? I could just give up and let the little frustrations of life push me around. Then, when it’s all over, I could hope that something good would be buried in the mess.

Let me know what you think, but I’ll keep trying to make today count.

10 Ways To Overcome Ministry Discouragement

Jenny Funderburke — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 16:05:07 +0000

We all run into it at some point in ministry… discouragement. Sometimes it creeps in gradually and sometimes it hits us like a brick wall. It could be a particular situation that causes it, a season where things are tough, or it could come from nowhere. However, it is universal. Every person in kidmin will face discouragement in ministry. Here are ten ways fight to overcome discouragement.

1. Get back to the basics – It is quite common that my feelings of discouragement in ministry often come in seasons when I have neglected the basics in my relationship with God. If you are feeling discouraged, ask yourself how consistent your own walk with God is. Are you reading the Word? Are you praying? When is the last time you sat in big church for service?

2. Get Away – Not forever, you have to come back. But sometimes if you can just take a brief break you can regain perspective. Sometimes discouragement is a sign that you need rest. Honor that and take a break. Go to the beach. Go to the mountains. Go to Target. Go somewhere and don’t think about ministry for a little bit.

3. Get Friends - Often discouragement in ministry can cause us to feel very isolated and alone. Resist the urge to hide away. The more alone you are the more discouraged you will feel. Take a friend to lunch. Don’t have friends? (That’s probably part of your problem, by the way.) Get some! Figure out someone that you kinda like and reach out to them. Do something fun.

4. Get to tomorrow - When times are tough, this is the statement I say to myself, “Tomorrow will be better, if not it is a day closer to being better.” There are seasons in every ministry. Some are awesome, some not so much. The good thing about seasons is they come to an end. Hang in there.

5. Get Real - Not everything is bad. It may feel that way and there may be lots of bad things happening. But not everything is bad. Write down a list of the “wins”. Write down everything that you’ve seen God do in your life and in your ministry over the past six months. The reality is that God is faithful and is doing great things. Don’t let discouragement hide those from you.

6. Get organized – Sometimes our discouragement feels greater because our world feels like chaos. We are trying to juggle way too much and it is overwhelming. Take some time to organize yourself. Write down what has to be accomplished and prioritize them. Create timelines for completing projects. Don’t let the lists overwhelm you, either, but use them as tools to help you feel in control and to see light at the end of the tunnel.

7. Get perspective – There are a lot of things that are out of your control. Those things are often extremely discouraging. You’ve heard the serenity prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference” Acknowledge that you can’t control it all, but you serve the God who does. Let Him carry the stress.

8. Get past the past – Dwelling on past decisions, events, or mistakes will only increase our discouragement. You can not go backwards. Learn from the past, fix what you can, and then move forward to what God has next. Revisiting the past repeatedly rarely is healthy.

9. Get ice cream – Ice cream makes everything better. Really, it does.

10. Get on your face – God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life. Isn’t this what we teach the kids? It is absolutely true for you too. God has called you to ministry. That is precious. Your calling is precious. Get on your face and cry out to God to heal your heart and to strengthen you for what He wants to accomplish.

The Power of Prayer (Connecting With Kids)

Wayne Stocks — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 13:08:41 +0000

Welcome to the second installment in my ongoing series on connecting with the kids in your ministry. Last time we looked at the importance of learning names. In this post I will examine the power of prayer.

A quick glance at the Bible reveals that prayer is a very important part of our spiritual journey. Philippians 4:6 tells us:

…do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Colossians 4:2 reminds us to,

Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 sums it all up in a very short verse:

…pray without ceasing…

We talk about our daily quiet time with God and praying for others. We take our requests to God throughout the days and weeks.

Many times though, we neglect this important area when it comes to things fundamental to our ministry like connecting with kids. There are a number of important things you can do in prayer when it comes to connecting with kids.

1. Pray for the Children in Children’s Ministry.

Many of us make time in our prayers to seek God about our ministry in general. We ask Him to guide our ministry and bless it. But, how often do you pray for the children in your ministry by name? Keep a list of the kids in your ministry and pray for them individually. As your relationships with them grow and they share about struggles in their lives, keep a list of specific prayer requests for each child. Get to know the names of their parents and siblings and pray for them as well. Spend time on your knees before your Creator pleading for the salvation of the children in your ministry.

2. Pray for Opportunities to Connect.

If our goal is to connect with kids, and it should be, prayer is the place to start. Ask God to give you deep and lasting connections with the kids in your ministry. Ask him to open their hearts to allow you to speak His Word into it. Ask for opportunities to invest in kids and disciple them. Pray that He would keep making connections with these kids at the forefront of your heart and mind. Ask Him daily to give you heart for His kids and the wisdom to teach them about Him.

3. Pray with the Children in Your Ministry.

Yes, we should spend time in prayer about the children in our ministry and asking God to open doors to connect with them, but it is critically important that we also spend time praying with them. Spend time each week talking to them about prayer and praying with them. Some kids take a little time to open up to the idea of praying out loud in a group, but don’t let that discourage you. Be a model of prayer for the kids. Let them see that prayer is a conversation with our heavenly father. Let them listen in as you pray for and about them and pour your heart out to God. Above all, be genuine in your prayer.