Ministry-to-Children.com » Christian Parenting

What’s a Christian Dad Suppose To Do: Randy Stinson

Terry Delaney — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 18:47:42 +0000

What follows is my rough paraphrase and summary of a talk from the 2010 Connecting Church and Home Conference. In this break-out session, Randy Stinson assumed a basic understanding of Ephesians 5:22-33. This message was more about an application for husbands as they lead their families. There are nine applications that build on one another.

Randy Stinson is the Dean of the School of Church Ministries at Southern Seminary. Dr. Stinson also serves as the president of The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.

For more coverage of the 2010 Connecting Church & Home Conference visit our summary page. You can listen to audio from this conference on the Southern Seminary website.

Vision—Paint a broad picture for your family as to where you see your family going in the future.
Direction—This is how you will get there. Here you have mapped out the steps it will take in getting from point A to point B. It would be best to perhaps set up a family creed or confession of sorts to help keep you rooted.
Instruction—You need to prepare your family for the inevitable obstacles. It is here where you become proactive rather than reactive.
Imitation—Your children are watching you whether you realize it or not. You need to be able to say to them, do as I do. This is the heart of leadership and discipleship. It is important that here you model what it means to be repentant. You are going to mess up and your kids will see that. They will also see how you respond to your mistakes.
Inspiration—Here you need to develop a group thought of “isn’t this great?” Think of yourself as a general in charge of the morale of your troops.
Affirmation—You need to tell each individual in your group that they are doing well. This is especially more true to affirm your wife (or husband) than your children. Nonetheless, it is important that you are affirming to everyone in your house. Point out the evidence’s of God’s grace in their lives even if they have messed up.
Evaluation—This is key to make sure you are staying the course. Here lies the true burden of leadership. I have found that the more you evaluate the less of a burden it becomes.
Correction—Be willing to make changes as the need arises. Not everything you begin or do is going to work.
Protection and Provision—You need to make sure your family knows that you will take care of them. It is one thing to say this but something completely different to actually do it. This includes the spiritual realm that so often gets relegated to the mother—especially if the family is homeschooling.

Ultimately, I (Terry) found this break-out session to be both convicting and encouraging. It helped to put some meat on the skeleton insofar as what this really looks like in the home.

6 Habits of Gospel-Centered Homes: Peter Schemm

Terry Delaney — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 18:41:12 +0000

What follows is a rough paraphrase and summary from the 2010 Connecting Chruch & Home Conference. This session was comprised of the eleventh chapter of the forthcoming book, Trained in the Fear of God edited by Randy Stinson and Timothy Paul Jones. While we did not delve deep into each point Schemm has, we did gain a lot of insight through his trials and errors as well as his answering of questions for those who are struggling with making their home more gospel-centered.

Pete Schemm Pete Schemm serves as Associate Professor of Theology at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, Wake Forest, NC. He is the former editor of the Journal for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. He was also Associate Editor and a contributor to A Theology for the Church (B&H). He currently serves as a Shepherd’s Training instructor at Open Door Baptist Church and has also served as pastor, associate pastor, and interim pastor of churches in North Carolina and Georgia. Pete and Vicki, his wife of seventeen years, have eight children: Charis, Colby, Jacob, Zachary, Parker, Anderson, Mary Kathryn, and Chase.

For more coverage of the 2010 Connecting Church & Home Conference visit our summary page. You can listen to audio from this conference on the Southern Seminary website.

Six Habits of Gospel-Centered Homes

The six habits Pete called for to make the home more gospel-centered (and these are in no particular order):

Reciting the Apostle’s Creed together—this is the fundamental creed that spans all Christian doctrinal differences and has been around for centuries giving your child a historic mooring to the Christian faith. A book entitled The Essence of Christian Doctrine has just recently been published. It is centered on The Apostle’s Creed and would be an excellent resource for the family seeking to memorize this particular creed.
Reading Scripture together—You have heard us espouse this here at Ministry To Children over and over! there are numerous Children’s Bibles we do recommend.
Catechism—Teaching your children historic catechism will be both beneficial to you and them. We have recommended a few here as well.
Singing together—We are all familiar with Ephesians 5:19 that we should sing “Psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs.” That does not stop with the corporate worship—it is just as fundamentally true for the home as it is for the local body of believers.
Prayer—Again, we have discussed much of this here, but Pete challenged everyone to pray together as a family more than just at meals.
Table Talk—This stems from something Martin Luther used to do with his students and those who would eat meals with him and his family. This may be the most effective way in which you can begin the reformation in your home to its becoming more gospel-centered. This is very easy to do as all you really need to do is ask a question and allow those at the dinner table to answer.

After discussing these six points briefly, we had a chance to ask some questions. This was perhaps the most beneficial aspect to this hour long break-out session. I will attempt to summarize the questions and answers.

Q: How do you choose a catechism and what do you do if you do not agree with some of the questions and answers?

A: Choose a more historic catechism—I (Pete) do not personally use a catechism that is less than 100 years old. As for questions and answers you disagree with, there are two options. First, simply do not work on those you disagree with or, second, memorize them as they are listed but then offer to your children why you disagree with it. The latter method will cultivate a thinking mind and help your children to measure everything they believe according to scripture.

Q: How can you model a gospel-centered home for others to see? How can you bring others into your home to “see” how this works without making them feel awkward?

A: Focus on your home and the needs therein and others will flock to you because they see something different. As for not making others feel awkward, just go about your family business and be as natural as possible. In other words, do not line your kids up to show them off! You will see that doing this natural will be more powerful than any program you could ever initiate in your church.

Q: How often should we do these habits?

A: First, this is not an exhaustive list nor am I saying you must do these six things. But, I would say slowly at first. It takes time and persistence. If I had to give a number, I would say my family regularly does 4 of the 6 in any given week. Think about what you want your life and family to look like and then move in that direction.

Q: If you want to start this immediately in your home and begin to change the culture in your church, where would you begin first?

A: It really depends on your situation in the home. If your husband is talkative, I would have him read Scripture—there are numerous children’s Bibles available. If he is not talkative, perhaps reading is not the best bet. It really depends on each situation, but Bible Intake and prayer are probably the two most important overall.

Pete concluded with this golden nugget of a comment:

Remember, it is not about indoctrination, it is about inspiration. In other words, you want to inspire your children rather than force the issues.

Cooking Up Family Devotions with Your Kids

Kristin Charles — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 20:35:55 +0000

Psalm 34:8 invites us to, “Taste and see that the Lord is good.” Jesus calls Himself the bread of life and He encourages His followers to be the salt of the earth. There are innumerable references to fruit, fish, and oil in the Bible. Sometimes food staples such as these are mentioned as part of the typical diet consumed. Other times they are specifically referenced as illustrations and challenges for the reader.

If you’re looking for a multi-sensory approach to family devotions, head into the kitchen. Grab an apron, mixing bowls, measuring cups, ingredients, and the Bible. Begin in prayer, read a passage of Scripture, and discuss its meaning as you follow the recipe and prepare the food. I have included some devotional ideas to get you started. The best part of these devotions is the final product! Not too much can compare to fresh baked bread out of the oven. Yum!

Here are some suggestions for your edible devotions:

1. Make Homemade Bread: Cook a loaf for yourself and a loaf to give away as a gift to a neighbor, widow, friend, or family member.

Matthew 6:11 is a prayer to, “Give us today our daily bread.” What does that mean? (We are asking for God to provide for our needs day by day.) Do we always see God as our Provider? How has God provided for our family? Think of specific instances throughout the year where God has been faithful.

In John 6: 35, Jesus states, “I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.” Why do we eat bread (or food, for that matter?) (To make us full; to keep us physically alive.) Why does Jesus call Himself bread? (He is what we need for our spiritual life.) How can we “never go hungry” if we have Christ? (He satisfies our deepest needs.) If we eat everyday to keep us alive physically, what should we do to keep us alive spiritually? (Spend time with God daily.)

2. Make Popcorn or Soft Pretzels: (Popcorn is recommended only for children 5 and up due to choking hazards.) Cook up some popcorn on the stove. Test the popcorn plain. Add some salt and butter. Does it improve the taste?

Make soft pretzels. Once again, taste test with and without the salt. Discuss the shape of the pretzel. Tradition says that its shape was created to teach people about the Trinity. Talk about the doctrine of the Trinity. Who is God? Jesus? The Holy Spirit? What is our relationship like with each of them?

Discuss the verse in Matthew 5:13 that challenges Jesus’ followers to be the salt of the earth. Jesus words here are rather harsh. He says, “If the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything.” What is the purpose of salt? (To flavor, to preserve, to heal) When we eat something salty, how do we feel? (Thirsty) How should we be like salt? (We should bring out the best in people. We should not blend in. People should notice something different about us and want what we have!)

3. Prepare a Fruit Tray: Make a rainbow of fruit. Include each color: Red (strawberries, raspberries, or watermelon), Orange (oranges, cantaloupe), Yellow (bananas, pineapple), Green (grapes, melon), Blue (blueberries), and Purple (Grapes). Discuss Genesis 9:12-15, which explains the covenant that God made with His people. You may want to discuss healthy eating habits and 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, which challenges us to honor God with our body.

Make an apple pie, blueberry muffins, orange juice, or strawberry jam… the possibilities are endless!

If using an apple recipe, discuss Psalm 17:8, which is a prayer to, “Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings.” What does that mean? (As our pupils our protected in our eyes, so we are protected in God’s eye.) Does that mean that we will avoid pain or trouble? What might be the purpose of hard times? Discuss specific instances where God has protected you in your life.

With any other fruit recipe, discuss Galatians 5:21-23, which is the popular fruit of the Spirit verse. If Jesus is in our lives, what qualities should people see in us? (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.) These qualities are the result of Christ in our lives, as we daily seek Him. If Christ is not in our lives, what would our fruit look like? (deceitfulness, selfishness, anger, jealousy, etc.) What fruit would people say they saw in your life? What fruit do you see in my life? How can we work together towards developing better fruit?

The 7 Most Important Things You Can Tell A Child

Wayne Stocks — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 13:42:59 +0000

I find that it isn’t all that hard to talk to kids. They like to talk if you can find some common ground and explore something that really interests them. As children’s ministers, and as parents, though, there are things that they need to hear from us. Words are powerful things, and the tongue has the power to build up and to tear apart both by its action and by its inaction. In other words, silence can be just as damaging as a negative spoken word. Here are seven important things that every child needs to hear:

1. God loves you. No matter what a child is going through – no matter what circumstances they find themselves in, this statement will always be true. God loves them, and they need to hear it. Much more than hear it though, they need to understand it. They need to know that God’s love is unconditional. It doesn’t matter what they have done or what they haven’t done – God always has, does, and always will love them. Impress that on their hearts and you have laid an unbreakable foundation.

2. Jesus died for you. From a very young age, kids have to know that Jesus dies on the cross their sins – for their bad decisions. What an amazing act of love. They must understand that Jesus, that God, made the ultimate sacrifice for them.

3. You need Jesus. In order for kids to understand the magnitude of the sacrifice of Jesus, they must also understand their own sins and bad decisions, and that Jesus died specifically for their sins and because he loved them. There is much dispute about teaching kids about sins. If you’re interested in reading more, you can check out a series I did on Dad in the Middle called 5 Things Kids Must Know About Sin.

4. You are valuable to God. God created us in his own image, and although he does not need us, we are all valuable to him. Our value was expressed in his willingness to send his Son to die on the cross for our sins. In God’s eyes, there is no such thing as a mistake or a nobody. God doesn’t just value people in general, He values you specifically.

5. There is a purpose for your life. Not only does God value each child, he has a plan for them. God made each child with a purpose and a plan. No life is wasted when it is lived in accordance with God’s plan.

6. I love you. God’s love is all-powerful and sustaining, but it is not enough. When God created Adam and it was just him, God acknowledged that he needed something more, he needed relationships with other humans, so God created Eve and told them be fruitful and multiply. Kids need know that God loves them, but they also need to know that you love them!

7. I’m glad you’re here. Every child needs to feel valued and wanted. Let them know that their presence in your life means something to you. Make sure that they understand that their mere existence brings you happiness and joy.

There you have it. Seven things every kid needs to know and hear. And, the best thing about these seven statements is that you can never say them enough!

5 On-The-Go Family Devotions for Summertime

Kristin Charles — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 18:16:03 +0000

The flip flops are flopping. The sunscreen is lathered. The baseball hats and sunglasses are on. Juice boxes are packed for the tykes, candy for the husband with a sweet tooth, and coffee is in hand for me. Summertime is my favorite time of year! I’m pretty sure I love it all, bugs and humidity included. Topping the list, without exception though, is time spent together as a family.

Relaxed summer schedules afford us the opportunity of taking time to create memories. It’s a chance to live out faith on the road, towards new destinations and old stand-bys. A huge component of living out what we believe is allowing Scriptures to come alive in the midst of our journeys. We want our kids to be immersed in the Word, just as their hands are immersed in the backyard mud puddle.

I can’t say that we’ve got it all nailed down yet. Our last family day was spent ice skating (It was too hot outside for anything else!) And I’m pretty sure the only conversations centered around falling and getting back up (a spiritual lesson of its own) and my personal complaints of my skates being too tight and my ankles being too weak. That said, we’re working on it.

Try the following family devotional ideas. Each goes with a popular family location for Summer fun. It’s not hard to incorporate the Bible into these experiences, it just takes a little planning. These suggestions include discussions, verses, songs, snacks, games and/or activities to do with your kids just for fun. You will have to adapt as necessary depending on the age of the children and their personal likes/dislikes. Only you will know your children best!

Here’s the link to Note: There is a print link embedded within this post, please visit this post to print it. this page to take along. You can also share these family ministry ideas with others in your church. Please share your ideas or feedback in our comment section below.

Summertime Family Devotions for 5 Favorite Places

1. The Zoo: A showcase for God’s creativity. Hunt for five of the most bizarre animal facts. Discuss God’s purpose in His specific design of each animal. Try to find an animal for each letter of the alphabet. Make an A to Z book. Talk about Adam’s job to name the animals. What names would you have chosen?

Discuss Noah’s faith in building the ark. Sing the “Rise and Shine” song. Eat animal crackers.

Upon your return, make monkey bread or decorate cupcakes to look like animals. Play a game of animal charades or animal races (hop like a kangaroo, slither like a snake, or walk like an elephant.)

2. The Beach: Another display of God’s handiwork. Build a sandcastle near the tide, on the sand. Build another one on a rock on higher land. Discuss the wise man and the foolish man. How does that apply to us? Sing “The Wise Man Built his House upon the Rock.”

Fill a small container with sand. How many granules would you estimate are in there? Talk about Psalm 139:17-18, “How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.”

Go on a hunt for seashells. Challenge them to find two that are exactly the same.

Find a recipe for a “sand dirt dessert” and make it when you get home.

3. The Farm: A place where man’s hard work meets God’s provision. Ask a local farmer if you can assist him for the day (or even an hour). Ask him questions about his job. Discuss how it relates to scripture. Try to find the four soils explained in Matthew 13.

Go berry picking. Talk about God being the vine and His people being the branches. Eat some of the fruits of the labor.

Visit the animals at the farm. Does scripture talk about any of them specifically? Sing, “Old McDonald.”

4. A Road Race: An opportunity to witness hard work, perseverance, and accomplishment. Cheer on a friend or family member with signs and support. Encourage people who are tired.

Set up a water table (with permission) to provide for others. What is it like to be thirsty? Read the story about the Woman at the Well in John 4.

Read 1 Corinthians 9:24-25 or Hebrews 12:1-2. Train for a race yourself and model healthy living for your children. If your child is old enough, have them participate in a race with you just for the fun of it. What do races teach us about living the Christian life?

5. The Backyard: Go cloud watching. Read Psalm 19:1, “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands.” Replicate the clouds with a cotton ball art project. Read It Looked Like Spilt Milk, by Charles G. Shaw.

Plant a vegetable or flower garden. Take care of it daily. (Even dead plants are a great object lesson if things don’t work out!) Read Mark 4:30-32, the Parable of the mustard seed.

Play games, have fun, and be silly. Jesus promises us life to the full. What does that mean?

Hunt for bugs. Find a caterpillar and a butterfly. Discuss 2 Corinthians 5:17.

At night, chase fireflies. Notice how they stand out in the darkness. Play flashlight tag. Sing, “This Little Light of Mine.” Search for constellations.

Clearly, this is not an exhaustive list. What are some of your favorite places to go with your children? What are some of your favorite things to do as a family? How have you incorporated God’s Word into your own travels? Please leave a comment below and explain! Thanks!

Need More Ideas? Then check out all our free resources for family worship. You could also modify our free children’s sermons to use as family devotions.

Biblical Parenting: 10 Tips for Fathers

Wayne Stocks — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 14:21:42 +0000

Several weeks ago at my church, my eyes were opened to a biblical passage. It is one that I have read many times, but this particular sermon would cause me to view it in a whole new way. What I had previously read as a general reprimand to a wayward church now appeared as a model for parenting. With Father’s Day fast approaching, I think this is an important verse for Dad’s to study. That passage in question is from 1 Corinthians 4:14-21 and was written by Paul to the church in Corinth:

“I do not write these things to make you ashamed, but to admonish you as my beloved children. For though you have countless guides in Christ, you do not have many fathers. For I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel. I urge you, then, be imitators of me. That is why I sent you Timothy, my beloved and faithful child in the Lord, to remind you of my ways in Christ, as I teach them everywhere in every church. Some are arrogant, as though I were not coming to you. But I will come to you soon, if the Lord wills, and I will find out not the talk of these arrogant people but their power. For the kingdom of God does not consist in talk but in power. What do you wish? Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love in a spirit of gentleness?” [1 Corinthians 4:14-21 ESV]

The passage was written by Paul in the context of correcting the church at Corinth as was the entire book of 1 Corinthians. However, viewed in the light of Paul’s statement that, “I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel” we can also view this passage as a biblical model of what fatherly confrontation, correction and discipleship should look like. Before I work through the meat of this verse, and what it means to effective parenting, I would like to thank my Pastor Steve Benninger for his insights into this passage which opened my eyes to it’s application to parenting in the first place and also for his faithfulness in preaching the Word of God. For purposes of this article, I have adhered to Pastor Steve’s original exposition and added my own additional detail and thoughts for each point.

So, what does this passage teach us about how to parent, specifically father, our children? What is this biblical model? Pastor Steve identified 10 keys from this passage which I would like to expand upon:

1. Affirm Your Love

Paul writes that the purpose of this passage was to admonish his readers as beloved children. Any correction or guidance that we give to our kids must be done from a position of, and rooted in, unconditional love. We must never correct out of anger or a selfish desire that our kids would act a certain way to make our lives easy. The purposes of biblical correction is not to change behavior but to disciple our kids to become more like Jesus. A key part of this pursuit is your kids knowing that you love – not because of what they have or haven’t done, but because they are your kids.

Your child’s realization of your love for them is not something that just happens on its own. You must be intentional and work at it to make certain that your kids know that you love them. Tell them you love them on a daily basis. Show them how you love them through both your words and your actions. If your kids do not know and accept that you love them unconditionally, then any effort on your part to correct them will be met with suspicion and ultimately failure.

Unconditional love is not based on your kids performance or abilities. Unconditional love manifests itself regardless of what your kids have or have not done. Unconditional love must be consistently professed and demonstrated to your kids in both good times and bad. Unconditional love should exist and be demonstrated regardless of how you feel. Biblical love is not a feeling, it is a choice! Any discipline or correction that you dole out as a parent must be rooted not in your own selfish desires but in a deep rooted and unconditional love for your kids.

2. Avoid Shaming Your Kids

Paul begins this passage with an explanation that his purpose was not to “write these things to make you ashamed.” Paul did not wish to shame the Corinthians, but to help them see that they were living in a way contrary to God’s will. Likewise, shame has no place in biblical correction as a parent. Your goal as a parent when it comes to correcting your children is to lead them into a life consistent with God’s will for them. Consequences, especially consequences which flow naturally from the action in question, are effective means of accomplishing this. Shame is based in fear. The Bible tells us that “There is no fear in love.” [1 John 4:18 ESV]. Accordingly, shame should not play any part in correction which must be based in love. Not only is shame unbiblical, it is also ineffective. Although you might see short term behavioral changes when you shame your kids, there will be no long lasting internal transformation.

3. Give Warnings

Paul indicated that he was writing to the Corinthians “to admonish” them as his beloved children. To admonish means to “reprove gently but earnestly” or “to counsel against something to be avoided” or “to remind of something forgotten or disregarded, as an obligation or a responsibility.” Paul was not writing to bring down the hammer, but to warn the Corinthians of what would happen if they continued in the current course of action.

As fathers, we must do the same thing with our kids. By warning, or admonishing, I do not mean that we should give them the classic, “If you do that again you’ll lose such and such until kingdom come.” These threats tend to be hollow and effective. The idea of admonishing or warning or to alert kids of the consequences of their actions. To the extent that those consequences flow naturally from the action in question, our role as fathers is to alert our kids to those consequences. Obviously, one of our roles as parents is also to impose consequences where needed, and we should warn our kids that these are coming as well. Any consequences which you impose should be made clear before the action and must be followed through on. Warnings serve to help steer our kids in the right direction.

4. Establish Your Authority

Paul reminded the Corinthians that “though you have countless guides in Christ, you do not have many fathers” and used this to establish his authority to correct the recipients of his letter. When it comes to parenting, our authority comes directly from God. He has given us the stewardship over, and responsibility for, his children. With that responsibility, he has given parents authority over their children [Exodus 20:12 ESV]. As parents, it is beneficial to help our kids understand God has given us both authority over them and responsibility for them. As agents of God, we must exercise that authority consistent with God’s will. By explaining to our kids that we are acting under the authority of God, we also set an example for them of submitting to our authority.

When we step outside the authority and will of God in parenting, we ultimately teach our kids that they should defy authority as well. We establish our authority based on the Word of God, but we must also demonstrate our adherence to God’s Word in other aspects of our life. We can’t, for example, tell our kids that they must submit to our authority because it is given by God on the one hand, and on the other hand disregard God’s authority in our own lives.

5. Press the Gospel in Deep

Paul became a father “through the gospel,” and as earthly fathers, one of principle goals in life should be to also fill the role of spiritual father in our children’s lives “through the Gospel.” In order to do this, the gospel must be the center point in our lives and out families. We must strive to make it central in the lives of our children as well.

The gospel is the Good News of Jesus Christ, and that Good News is recorded in God’s Word – the Bible. In all that we do, we must instill a biblical worldview in our kids. We must teach them, and demonstrate for them, that the Bible holds the answers and guidance for all of lives questions. We must make our choices based on the Bible and show them how to do the same.

The cross itself must be central in our lives and our families. This means far more than just wearing it around our necks or hanging it on the family room wall. We must rejoice in the cross of Christ. We must take our sin to the cross of Christ, and we must praise God for the cross. Our children must know, at their very core, that Christ died not just for all sin, but for their individual sins. They must understand that God wants to change them from the inside out by the power of the cross. They must realize that their sins are washed white as snow by Christ’s blood shed on the cross. Yes, in order to confront and correct our children, we must remind them 1) that they are forgiven by God and 2) the price that he paid to wash those sins away.

6. Urge Your Kids to Imitate You

Paul was not shy about encouraging the Corinthians to be imitators of him. Later in this same book (1 Corinthians 11:1), Paul would expand on this thought as he encouraged the Corinthians to “be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.” Paul was not exalting himself but merely stating that he purposefully led his life in such a way that others could imitate him in following Christ.

As fathers, this must be our goal as well. We must lead lives worth imitating and then encourage our kids to do just that. Kids will learn what they live. If a father insists that his child does not lie than turns around and cheats on his income taxes, his children will not learn from his father’s words but by his actions. Setting an example includes two distinct aspects. First, we must aspire to live a godly life worthy of following. We have to set the tone and example for our family. In order to do this, we must rely on the power and providence of God. Secondly, we must accept that, this side of heaven, none of us are perfect. We all make mistakes, and it is important that we be willing to admit those mistakes to our kids. We should not be under any delusion that our kids think we are perfect in the first place. After about the age of 7 or 8, that phase of life is long gone. Our kids know that we are far from perfect. We must be honest with them and talk about our mistakes. This transparency teaches them that it is OK to make mistakes. The important thing is how we handle those mistakes. We model for them honesty, transparency, and taking our sins to the cross of Christ. We also give our kids a chance to learn from our mistakes and, hopefully, to avoid them.

7. Make it a Team Effort

In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul wrote, “That is why I sent you Timothy, my beloved and faithful child in the Lord, to remind you of my ways in Christ, as I teach them everywhere in every church.” What can this possibly mean in terms of raising kids? Paul needed help. He could not be everything the Corinthians needed, and he sent Timothy to them to reinforce what he had already taught. Likewise, as parents we should get other adults involved in the lives of our children who will reinforce what we are already teaching them.

Most parents have experienced that moment when another adult says something to their child, and the child just seem to get it. Never mind that we have been saying the same thing for years. There’s just something about hearing it from another adult that makes it understandable and more palatable to our kids. I remember when I started coaching my oldest son’s coach-pitch baseball team. One of the other fathers from the team was helping me, and we agreed between us that I would correct his son and he would do the same for mine. Both kids took the correction and advice much better coming from another adult than they would have coming from their Dad. The system worked well for the summer, and I missed him the next year when his son wasn’t on my team.

It is important to find other adults that you trust to speak into the lives of your children. Needless to say, since our principle goal as parents is to instill a biblical worldview into our children, we must take care to find adults that will speak that same worldview to our kids. We must find people we trust that we can surround our kids with to reinforce what we have already been teaching them. This is one of the reason that it is important to live our lives amongst a strong Christian community. Things like Bible studies and small groups are a great way to expose your kids to other adults.

8. Stay Involved

Paul writes to the Corinthians that “…I will come to you soon.” As parents, we must intentionally stay involved in the lives of our children. Some parents, especially Dads, faced with daunting to do lists, lack of understanding and an increasing sense of failure in parenting simply decide to check out of their kids’ lives. I think this is particularly true as kids grow older and move into the teen years. This is the worst thing you could possibly do both to yourself and to your kids.

We must stay involved in our kids lives. What do they like? What don’t they like? How are they doing in school? Who are their friends? What are their dreams? How is their relationship with God? These are all critical questions, and in order to stay involved, we must stay on top of these and other aspects of our kids’ lives. In order to do this, we must invest the time it takes in building relationships with our kids. Our society has fallen victim to what I believe is a lie directly from Satan that says quality time is better than quantity time. We convince ourselves that it is not the amount of time that we spend but the quality of that time. If we turn off our blackberry for a couple of hours, we reason, that should take care of spending time with our kids at least for a week or so!

In order to know our kids, and stay involved, we must have both quality and quantity time. Indeed, if you ask kids about their regrets as they get older, few will say they wish the time they had spent with their dads had been “better” time. Thousands upon thousands, though, will tell you they wish they had spent MORE time with their Dads. If you are a father, put in the time and the effort to know your kids. If God knows every hair on your head, the least you can do is know who your kids’ friends are!

9. Give Choices

Paul asked the Corinthians, “What do you wish?” He gave them a choice. As fathers, we should do the same with our children. In small things and big things we should present our children with choices and let them decide. More importantly though, we must equip them to live with the consequences of those choices. Most parents want their kids to grow up to be leaders and not followers. Part of being a leader is the ability to make a choice and deal with the consequences thereof. If we do not allow our children to practice that skill when they are young, they will be ill equipped to handle choices as an adult.

My son rarely buys anything without experiencing some degree of buyer’s remorse afterwards. As soon as we let him buy something, he always wonders whether he should have saved his money, or worse yet, he finds something shortly after the purchase that he wishes he had saved his money for. From time to time, these episodes result in tears and a lament that would rip your heart apart as a parent. However, in those moments, we must force ourselves to let him live with his choices. If we give in and purchase the second item for him to heal the pain and stop the tears, he never learns how to take ownership of his choices and accept responsibility for them. If we don’t give kids choices, and allow them to live with both the positive and negative consequences of those choices, they will not learn how to be responsible.

10. Customize Your Approach

Paul said to the Corinthians, “Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love in a spirit of gentleness?” Some who read that letter needed Paul to come with a spirit of love and likely reacted to Paul’s written correction positively in order to ensure that he would come in gentleness. Others, no doubt, needed the stern rod of Paul before they were willing to submit to his authority. In a similar way, we must tailor our approach to correction and discipleship for each of our individual children.

I tell people all of the time that one of the things that has amazed me so much as a parent is how each of my kids can be so alike in some respects that they seem like twins and so different in other respects that it seem impossible that they share the same DNA. If you’re a parent, it will not surprise you to find out that each of your kids is different. They are unique creations of God, and it is naive of us to think that correction and discipleship will look the same for each child. What may be the best approach for one child may be the worse possible choice for another. We must customize our approach based on the personality, experience and emotional needs of each child. Of course, this entails knowing them and not checking out of their lives as we discussed earlier. Furthermore, children change over time as they mature and get older. We must customize our approach not only for each child but also for the same child based on their age and maturity level. In order to accomplish this, we must become a student of our kids. Watch them, talk to them, study them, and then spend some time intentionally coming up with a plan for the best approach for each child when it comes to correcting and discipleship.

As we raise our kids to know and follow Jesus Christ, these ten principles laid out by Paul in a letter to a church in Corinth almost 2,000 years ago will serve as guidelines. As we move towards Father’s day, examine your own life and your relationship with your kids. Which of these areas do you excel in? What are the areas where you can use a little more work when it comes to relating to your kids? How can you improve in those areas? Make a list and take it to God in prayer. He is the ultimate father, and his desire is that you would be a good father as well. Happy Father’s Day!

In addition to writing for Ministry-to-Children.com, I also have my own little blog. For more articles like this, and articles on children’s ministry, please check out Dad in the Middle and let me know what you think.

What Can a 2-Year Old Teach You About Prayer?

Wayne Stocks — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 02:55:27 +0000

Everything I Need to Know About Prayer I Learned From My Two-Year-Old

One of the things I have committed to doing as a father is instilling in my kids a love for prayer. I try to model prayer for them at all time and in all circumstances. My hope and prayer is that my kids will “pray constantly” talking to God throughout the day whenever the spirit moves them. That said, there are certain times that we always pray with our kids. Those include before meals and at bedtime. One of the decisions we made about prayer in our family is that before dinner each of the kids would say a short prayer. I encourage them to “mix things up” by offering suggestions and having different “themes” for our mealtime prayers. For example, some nights I will say, “I want you to thank God for our food then I want you to think of someone else that you can pray for.” Or, I might say, “tonight I want you pray for/about something you have never prayed for/about before.”

Now, I have four kids and sometimes these prayers take a while, but we use it as an opportunity to communicate with God and learn better how to pray. My kids range in age from almost 17 to 2, and they all get a chance to pray. The other night, I was particularly struck by my two year old son’s (Nathan’s) prayer. It went something like this:

Thank you Jesus for this food, and for Daddy and Mommy and Lyndsey and Joshua and Jacob and Mommy and Daddy. Thank you for my food and plate and spoon and fork and cup and drink. And, thank you for the table and this house and everything you give us. Please help my Daddy and Jacob to feel better. We love you. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

I was struck by a number of things about his prayer. God has worked through my kids numerous times to teach me about him and to teach me about my relationship with him. However, this was something different. In this case, God worked through my two-year-old to remind me of some important things about prayer, and about kids:

1. Kids will mimic us in both the good and bad things we do. As I listened to Nathan, I heard him echo many of things he has heard me and his older siblings say in their prayers. “Please help my Daddy and Jacob feel better” was quoted almost verbatim from a bedtime prayer my nine-year-old (Jacob) has been saying almost every night asking God to heel him of a very severe case of eczema and heel me of a pinched nerve and back problems. Nathan had picked up on that and incorporated it into his own meal time prayer. Nobody ever told him that that was something he should pray for. Likewise, while I have explained to the older kids why we pray in Jesus’ name, with Nathan we have not yet had that conversation. Despite that, he has picked up on that model and incorporated it into his own prayers. So, what does that mean for us as parents and children’s ministry workers? First, I think it points to a fundamental truth when it comes to faith and spiritual disciplines – kids will live out what they see lived in front of them. Secondly, we must be very cautious that the habits we are instilling in our kids are good and Godly habits.

2. His prayer was very simple and from the heart. So often I think we tend towards formulaic prayers where we try to cover all the different types or kinds of prayers. Or, we easily get caught up in the “prayer game” of trying to balance praise and thanksgiving against requests and intercession. I think many of us as adults over-think our prayers and it becomes a laborious task rather than a personal conversation with our heavenly Daddy. In the prayer of a two-year-old I heard simplicity and genuineness that is often lacking in my own prayers.

3. God deserves praise for everything. I watched Nathan while he was saying his prayers. He looked around the table, thanked God for every single member of our family (some of us more than once) that was at table and then thanked God for supplying his basic needs like a spoon and a fork. We do not have to, and should not, wait until something big happens in our lives to thank God for the blessings he has given us. His presence and provision is as significant in the little things as it is in the big.

4. Prayer should not be self-centered but God-centered. Nathan did not ask for anything for himself. He thanked God for his provision and he made an intercessory prayer for his Dad and brother. How often do you pray without using the words “me” or “I?” His prayer was a model of God-centered prayer.

5. Nathan, at two years old, has discovered and based his prayer on one fundamental truth, “We love you.” God loves us, and one of the ways we express our love back to him is through prayer. We must never loose sight of this in our prayers.

6. Toddlers are capable of having a significant prayer life if we will only model it for them and teach them. Nathan may not understand everything about prayer, but at a young age, we are working to build a solid foundation in prayer that we hope will last him the rest of his life.

God can work through any means he pleases to speak to us and set us back on the right path. As a parent and children’s ministry worker, I find that he often works through the kids in my life to teach me everything from spiritual disciplines to deep theological truths.

Bible Verses for Father’s Day

Wayne Stocks — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 04:08:32 +0000

15 Bible Quotes for Fathers about Raising Children

In honor of the fact that Father’s Day is fast approaching, here are sixteen principals about being a Dad that we should remember from scripture:

All good parenting begins with a fear of the Lord.

In the fear of the LORD one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge. [Proverbs 14:26 ESV]

Fathers set the tone for their household. Make sure your God is at the center of your family.

And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the LORD, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.” [Joshua 24:15 ESV]

The chief job of a father is to teach his kids biblical wisdom at all times.

And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. [Deuteronomy 6:6-9 ESV]

Always remember that children are a blessing from God.

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. [Psalms 127:3-5 ESV]

Find your parenting strength in God.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” [Joshua 1:9 ESV]

Talk to your kids about the Bible and help them to learn scripture. Use scripture as the basis for your parenting.

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work. [2 Timothy 3:16-17 ESV]

God works through fathers to impact their children and families. How is he working through you?

For I have chosen him, that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing righteousness and justice, so that the LORD may bring to Abraham what he has promised him.” [Genesis 18:19 ESV]

Teach your children wisdom and they will bring you joy.

The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice; he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him. [Proverbs 23:24 ESV]

Teach your children to lead their live based on a biblical worldview.

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. [Proverbs 22:6 ESV]

The way you lead your life can be a blessing to your kids. Lead a godly life.

The righteous who walks in his integrity– blessed are his children after him! [Proverbs 20:7 ESV]

Remember that your choices and actions will impact your kids and their kids and their kids.

The LORD passed before him and proclaimed, “The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.” [Exodus 34:6-7 ESV]

A good father disciplines his son out of love and with love.

My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the LORD reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights. [Proverbs 3:11-12 ESV]

Do not provoke your children.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. [Ephesians 6:4 ESV]

Parenting is a temporary stewardship. Marriage is forever. The best thing you can do for your kids is to be a good husband.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. [Genesis 2:24 ESV]

God cares about the relationship between fathers and their kids.

And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the land with a decree of utter destruction.” [Malachi 4:6 ESV]

Life Is Not Fair (and Neither Is God)

Wayne Stocks — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 14:25:20 +0000

Oftentimes as we grow older and become parents, we find ourselves repeating the things that our own parents have said to us. You know – those sayings that, as a kid, you promised yourself you would never use when you became a parent. Much like God’s blessings and curses travel from generation to generation, so too do our parents quips and sayings.

One of my father’s mantras when we were younger was, “Life’s not fair.” My father’s usage was generally in response to the idea that one of the children in my family (I have three brothers) got something that the rest of us felt that we deserved as well. To a chorus of “That’s not fair! Why did he…? What about me…?,” he would calmly answer, “life’s not fair.” It didn’t make much sense to me as a kid, but I now find myself repeating it frequently to my own kids. As I have grown older, and hopefully a little bit wiser, I have come to appreciate the simple truth of that statement.

Fairness has become the battle cry of our society. When something isn’t fair, it is viewed as inherently wrong or even evil. We have gone from a culture and society here in the United States which was built on the idea of equal opportunity and “evolved” into a culture that expects equal outcome. Kids do not fail, everyone gets a trophy, and people bring presents to a birthday party for the other kids in the family because they don’t want them to feel left out. We live in a culture that demands fairness at all times and in all respects.

The problem is – fairness is NOT a biblical concept. The God we serve is a God of justice, but nowhere in the Bible does it indicate that he is “fair.” Indeed, the idea of fair is a very human concept. The Bible never attributes the idea of fairness to God. My search of the Bible reveals only three instances in which the word fair, meaning equal or same, is used, and each time it is terms of how humans should treat other people fairly. In Deuteronomy the Israelites are commanded to use a fair weight (Deut 25:15). In 2 Corinthians, Paul explains that it is fair for the people to supply the needs of those who have less that at some point they could do the same (2 Cor 8:13-14). And, in Colossians, Paul instructs masters to treat their slaves fairly. (Col 4:1). In all of these instances, God was not calling for equal treatment, but merely that we would follow the Golden rule to do unto others as we would have them do unto us. God does not seek to be fair. There are different levels of rewards in heaven. Jesus treated different groups of people differently in terms of access to him during his time her on Earth. And, the parable of the workers hired at different times during the day but paid the same wages reminds us that he gives us all the same grace regardless of timing or efforts or merit. The fact of the matter is that we have done nothing to merit the grace of God given to us in the redemption of our souls through the death and resurrection of Christ, and if God were interested in being fair, we would all be condemned rather than redeemed through Christ.

So, what is the problem fairness? What’s wrong with being fair? In both parenting and other leadership positions, we often find ourselves paralyzed by the fear of not being fair. As parents, we feel like we must treat all of our kids equally. As children’s ministry workers, we are afraid to dish out consequences or rewards as deserved for fear that they will not be perceived as fair to the kids in our ministries, or worse yet – their parents. Let’s look first at the problem from the standpoint of parenting and secondly from the standpoint of children’s ministry. Let’s ask, what’s the problem with being fair?

I have four kids, and one of the things that constantly and consistently amazes me most is how different they are from one another. The differences in personality and likes and dislikes often leaves me wondering how they could possibly share the same DNA. Despite the differences though, I often find myself falling into the trap of trying to ensure that I treat them all equally. Now, don’t misunderstand me. There are some things that must be equal in parenting. We must love all of our kids equally and unconditionally. We must provide for their needs, and we cannot play favorites. Beyond those basics though, our goal as parents should not be fairness when it comes to raising our kids. When we strive too hard to be “fair” we end up teaching our kids that they deserve the same treatment as their siblings. We brew in them a sense of entitlement, a lack of contentment and an inability to rejoice in the happiness of others.

The same problems can easily arise in children’s ministry when we allow ourselves to be consumed with fairness and equity rather than focusing on our true mission to teach kids about Jesus. I know from personal experience with our discipline system that it easy to render the whole system ineffective in the interest of fairness. Allow me to explain. We pass out three arm bands at the beginning of each class. The kids lose an arm band when they do not follow the rules of the classroom. For each arm band left at the end of service, they get a piece of candy. For the first several months we used the system, the teachers in our room (including myself) were reluctant to take all three arm bands because it didn’t seem fair that some kids would get candy and others would get none. The kids picked up on this as well, and it left the whole structure of the discipline system rendered useless because they kids knew they were going to get some candy regardless of how they acted. It wasn’t until we got past that inherent need for fairness and actually began to take all the bracelets that the kids respected the discipline system and began to follow rules.

How do we respond? What should we teach kids about being fair? I recently heard Andy Stanley explain that his kids hear him say all the time that fairness ended in the Garden of Eden. I like that concept. He also explained that this idea of fairness is frequently used as an excuse not to do anything for anybody because we can not do it for everybody. The world we live in today is not fair and kids should not have any expectation that it will be fair. When kids come to expect “fair,” it inevitably leads to a sense of entitlement. As a parent, do special things for just one kid at a time. Bless all of your kids eventually and evenly, but don’t feel like you have to bless them all at the same time. Require your kids to do things that might seem unfair to them. Generally in my family, the kid who makes the mess is asked to clean it up, but occasionally I intentionally have them clean up after one of their siblings just to remind them that they are not entitled to “fairness.”

I know of a Children’s Pastor who announces at the beginning of every service that things are not fair in his children’s ministry. I think we should make every effort to include kids in skits and giveaways and everything else we do in children’s ministry. That said, I do not keep a written list of who has done what or participated in what activity. I want the kids to understand that, while they will get a chance to participate, my role is not to ensure that everything is handed out fairly. Likewise, on Wednesday nights when I lead our AWANA game time, there is always some grumbling about how the teams, or the game, or the rules are not fair to some group of players. In those moments, I explain that we are there to have fun, but that doesn’t always mean that things are going to be fair. I will stack the deck against certain teams at times to make sure that they don’t win every week. They never think that is fair, but we always end up having fun.

So, what is your story? Do you fall victim to the pressure to be “fair?” What negative side effects have you seen from striving to be “fair?” How do you talk to your kids about the concept? What practical steps can you take to help your kids avoid falling into the rut that says “life should treat me fair?”

Lessons Learned at 3 AM

Brandi Riddle — Mon, 31 May 2010 17:35:04 +0000

It’s amazing what sort of things we can learn at 3:00 am! I can probably tell you all of the programming for channels 4, 7, 13, 21, 29, and 40 for the early morning hours. I have learned that McKinney Dodge spends a lot of money on advertising. I have learned that there are lots of reruns. I have learned to change dirty diapers in the dark. Aside from these silly things I have learned, I have also learned some very simple, yet truthful things. During these early morning feedings with my son is when God seems to speak to me. It’s like He knows He has my full attention. What else is there to do besides watch those reruns at 3:00 am? A couple weeks ago as I was changing one of those dirty diapers, God clearly said to me, “Imagine the things you could learn about Me through your son.” In that moment He gave me three things that my son could teach me about Him.

The first thing that God showed me was that I must have patience in order to take care of my son. I have to be patient with him at 3:00 am when he’s crying because he’s hungry. In the same way, God wants us to learn to be patient when it comes to our every day lives. It seems as though we are always in a hurry to get somewhere or do something. Even when it comes to our prayers, we often tell God, “I want this to be in your timing” when deep down in our hearts we are saying, “Make this happen now, God.” Or what about the times when we are “just too tired” to go to church or read our Bibles? In Isaiah 40:31, God tells us, “Yet those who wait on the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary. Just think how much better our lives would be if we actually waited on the Lord, if we actually trusted Him 100% with our lives. Psalm 25:5 tells us, “Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You I Wait all the day.” My prayer is that I will live out Psalm 25:5 every day. Psalm 40:1 says, “I waited patiently for the Lord….” Psalm 130:5 tells us, “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits ….” Just as these verses say, God wants us to be patient. Patience is a very difficult thing for most of us. I know it is in my home. Having a baby means learning new things, and for me, it has meant learning to be patient with Briggs. In turn, having Briggs has shown me that I need to wait for the Lord; that I need to learn to be patient and wait for Him for everything because He knows what is best for me.

The second thing that God showed me I could learn about Him through my son is love. No matter how many times our children cry, spit-up, or deprive us of sleep, we still love them and we love them unconditionally. We loved them before we ever even saw them. In the same way, God loves us unconditionally, no matter what we do. No matter how many times we fail Him, He still loves us. No matter how many times we throw Him aside, He still loves us. We all know John 3:16 by heart. God loved us so much that He sent His one and only Son to die a cruel death on a cruel cross for each of us. (We might think that we love our husbands and our children, but do we even know true love?) Romans 5:8 tells us that, “God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” It doesn’t matter what we have done in the past, what we do right now, or what we will do in the future, God loved us then, loves us now, and will love us forever.

The last thing that God showed me I could learn about Him through Briggs comes from my favorite verse, Jeremiah 29:11. Each time I look at Briggs’ sweet little face, I wonder what he will do with his life. I want only the best for him. I want him to grow up strong and healthy and to do great things with his life. God wants the same for us. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Just as we have plans and desires for our children, God has plans and desires for us. God can and will order our steps so that we are in His perfect and exact plan if we allow Him to. God reminds me each time I look into my son’s eyes that he was part of God’s plan for me, and that if I allow Him to, He will direct every step I take.

Lessons learned at 3:00 am…. These are just some of the things that God showed me one early morning. Maybe He speaks to you in the middle of the night, maybe in the middle of the day. Whenever it is, be sure to listen closely because He may tell you “great and mighty things which you do not know (Jeremiah 33:3).”