Ministry-to-Children.com » Connecting Church and Home Conference

Connecting Church and Home: Live Blog Wrap Up

Terry Delaney — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 23:15:54 +0000

This weekend, Brentwood Baptist Church hosted a conference on family ministry titled Connecting Church and Home. The speakers were mainly connected with Southern Baptist churches but their purpose will be shared by all Christians.

Several of my friends were attending the event. So I asked Terry Delaney to blog it for Ministry-to-Children.com. He did not disappoint. The links below are his in-depth notes taken live during each session.

Live Blog By Terry Delaney

Conference Reflection & Evaluation (by Terry)

This past weekend (March 20-21), was blessed to be able to attend the Connecting Church and Home Conference at Brentwood Baptist Church in Brentwood, Tennessee. I went in with some biased opinions of what would be discussed and how it would work only to discover that my biases were just that. They were biases based upon a lack of complete understanding.

The pre-conference was most helpful. It was here that I learned that churches in rural settings with “only” 50 members were represented as well as churches in excess of 5,000 members. The one common bond we all had was that we recognized that what we have been doing has not been working. By this, I mean that the children and the youth who are attending church are not learning much of lasting value because of our event-driven mindset. When 75% or more of our youth leave the church after high school, we should take a step back and try to figure out why.

This weekend was all about learning from others who have plowed before us. They have fought these battles in their churches and they are now seeing the fruit of their ministry by God’s grace and mercy. Most important, this is not another ministry gimmick nor is it another ministry fad. What they are asking for is quite simply a paradigm shift in the way we think about doing ministry. Rather than create a buzz for all the different silo ministries (a term referring to the individuality of each ministry in the local church), the speakers were asking us to create a buzz about the church and how we should be ministering to our families as a whole unit through the various ministries in the church.

This is not a family-integrated approach to ministry nor is it an age-graded approach to ministry. Rather, this is more like a marriage of the two. Family-integrated, while it does have its place, jettisons any and all age appropriate ministry. Age-graded, while it too has its place, hardly ministers to the family. The family-equipping model seeks to minister to the family and offer support to them as the parents seek to train up their children in the ways of the Lord.

My final thought, and I am keeping this short on purpose, is that I was impressed not only with the wide range of churches represented, but also with the average age of those ministers in attendance. I would say at least 75% of those in attendance were under the age of 40. There were many associate pastors and senior pastors as well as youth pastor and children’s pastors. If you are at a point in your ministry where you are realizing a change is needed, I would investigate the family-equipping approach. Remember, it is not a gimmick or a new way of doing ministry. It is rooted in the Old Testament (Deut. 6) and discussed in the New in many places. It is a paradigm shift from the way we have been doing things to the way God intended for us to do things.

Live Blog By Kim Davidson

About The Connecting Church and Home Conference

The Connecting Church and Home Conference is designed to equip church leaders with practical ministry strategies for impacting families within the church. Featuring nationally known leaders and ministry speakers, this conference is sure to impact your approach to building stronger families in your church.

The conference was held 20-21 March 2009 at Brentwood Baptist Church in Nashville.

Special thanks to Terry Delaney who contributed this guest post. To read more of Terry’s writing visit Going To Seminary or Diary of a Seminary Student.

The Challenge Before Us

Terry Delaney — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 22:38:40 +0000

This is a live blog by Terry Delaney during the Connecting Church and Home Conference March 2009 at Brentwood Baptist Church in Nashville. You can also read confernce notes on the Soujour Kids blog

Session #5: The Challenge Before Us (Mike Glenn)

I am Baptist through and through so I am going to take some shot at Baptists. There is a huge transition going on right now. When something is not working properly, we feel we need to do them harder. No one has the guts to say we are not doing it correctly. We don’t do things the way we did in the 1950’s, so why are we trying to do things the way we did in the 1950’s?

Christ is shaking out His churches in North America right now. He is getting rid of everything that is not of Him. That is painful and it should be. You have to have a day where you realize that you cannot go back to what you have been doing. We did some surveys and learned that we were just like Willow Creek where our model was not working. When 70% of your adults tell you they do not know enough about Jesus Christ to share the gospel with a lost person, you know you are doing something wrong.

We discovered in our Tuesday night ministry that “little dude” brings in much anger to the point that they will cuss in church. I am in Ephesians 6 talking about honoring your parents. One guy responded to me that he could not honor his dad. After some pushing, I discovered that the kid did not know his dad because he had left when he was a child.

“Little Dude” from another story named John calls me up and says that he had to talk to me now. John comes into my office shaking. He had just found out he was going to be a dad. He was scared because of his own father. He was scared that his son would be him in 30 years-a dad without a dad. There is some anger at mom as well. This is mostly from the “Little Dudettes” who hate what “these people” did to me. There is a lot of anger.

This anger does all kinds of things. They are angry at the church. Why didn’t someone tell my mom or dad what they did was wrong? When we started doing all the things the experts told us to do with the big events and such, we dropped the ball. When we started teaching the Bible, we were told that “we had never heard this before.”

When we do not biblically ground our children in the word, they will be destroyed by the storms of life. They don’t come back to church upon leaving for college because they were not grounded in the word. They have a huge question mark in their life because of this. It would be wonderful if this question mark was over doctrine but it is not. There question mark leads to a question of identity and biblical love. Instead of listening to the Bible, they are listening to Oprah. You had better know what Oprah is teaching because she is the High Priestess of the women in your church.

These questions lead to heartache, disillusionment and an identity Crisis. They do not know that they were made to worship God. The truth of the matter is our culture is co-dependant. We do not need one another to survive. We need Christ, but they don’t know that because they have not been told that.

Hope is word that is lost in America today. Hope in Jesus is the same as saying “I hope it rains.” Hope has been robbed of its meaning. Because we are sure the future will be as Jesus says it is, we will begin to live in the now. In this hope, you will find your identity. Your identity is found in the imago dei-you are worth more than I can tell you.

Once they have their identity, they will begin to see their destiny. They will see that there is a kingdom purpose to their life. We need to understand that we are a church on mission. I have news for you; we are not a Christian nation. We do not live in a culture that supports our children’s faith in God. We are a church in exile. Most of our ministries and programs are done from the belief that we are a God-centered culture. You have to pay attention to your culture! This might mean that you have to watch movies you don’t want to watch and read books you don’t want to read.

You have to interpret the gospel for the culture. You have to find a way to get it to them in ways that they get. That is why the movie Fireproof worked. We don’t have to worry about changing culture. We need to create culture.

Lastly, you need to understand you are a missionary. Jesus said to his disciples to pray that the Lord of the harvest would send workers. There has never been a better time to proclaim Jesus Christ than right now. All of the false gods have been exposed.

About Mike Glenn

Never short on passion or personality, Mike Glenn explores the Word of God with a contagious fascination. Whether heartfelt or humorous, his words have the power to reach people. Since he began as pastor of Brentwood Baptist Church (BBC) in 1991, membership has skyrocketed from 900 to more than 7,000.

Mike is the author of In Real Time: Young Adult Ministry As It Happens, in which he describes his church’s ministry to the post-modern culture. Originally from Huntsville, Alabama, Mike graduated from Samford University with a degree in speech and drama and Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky with two degrees: master of divinity and doctorate of ministry.

Mike is married to Jeannie and they have twin sons, Chris and Craig.

Special thanks to Terry Delaney who contributed this guest post. To read more of Terry’s writing visit Going To Seminary or Diary of a Seminary Student.

An Army of None: Training Men to Lead Their Families

Terry Delaney — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 22:25:45 +0000

This is a live blog by Terry Delaney during the Connecting Church and Home Conference March 2009 at Brentwood Baptist Church in Nashville. You can also read confernce notes on the Soujour Kids blog

Session 4.5 An Army of None: Training Men to Lead Their Families (Randy Stinson)

Sociologists have called this generation the generation of Me. Everything has been explained to these kids. They think they are owed an explanation for everything. We are witnessing what happens with the most self-absorbed generation. Joseph didn’t get an explanation when he was sold into slavery.

We live in an incredibly therapeutic generation. Entire school systems don’t play musical chairs because “someone gets left out.” We can’t play Simon Says because it involves an authority trying to manipulate people. This is killing our boys. We are turning sin into syndrome. They are no longer held accountable for their actions.

The relationship between Christ and the believer has been romanticized to the point of losing any meaning at all. When men think that in order to become a Christian you need to have a romantic relationship with another man (Jesus) don’t be surprised when you can’t find the men. Instead, let’s be biblical.

Our entire culture is pushing for a broad feminization of men. They are not be encouraged to lead or protect. They are being encouraged to be softer. An overemphasis on these kinds of things are neither helpful nor beneficial to a biblical man. We are living in a culture that is pushing men to live exactly opposite of the way God intended.

God calls us to a self-sacrificial leadership. A self-occupied leader will not be a leader. That is an oxymoron. A self-occupied man will allow others to be harmed in order to protect him self.

A man is called to be a provider. That will not happen with the training the world is giving our boys today. Once you begin to change this, you will have that target on your back that was discussed earlier.

We need pastors who are going to boldly preach about these things in their church. My concern is that we will have the right strategy to reach families with an army of none because we are not training our men biblically.

If you are going to reach families, you are going to have to reach men. If you are going to reach men, you need to have a strategy to break down the “top to toe” barriers. David’s last words to Solomon are that he should simply be a man. David told Solomon to be strong. This is not a self-sufficient strength. This is the strength to obey God.

There is a context to manhood. Solomon is to work out his commitment to God through masculinity. Men and women, while they are designed to both obey God’s commands, will act this out differently.

Another key element to manhood is that men are to be like Christ. We are to love our wives as Christ loved the church. Part of the problem with manhood today is that our men have a poor understanding of who Jesus is. Too many of our depictions of Jesus are feminine. Revelation offers a radically different perspective of Jesus.

If we are going to wage war with the devil in our churches, and consequently in our homes, we are going to have train our men for battle. They need to be reminded that they are in battle. Biblical manhood needs to be cultivated. Men need to be taught these things today. They need to learn how to parent their children, lead their wives, provide for their families, and be the spiritual men they are called to be.

We are babying our men so much today that when we need them to lead, they are nowhere to be found. They have not been taught how to do this. Here are some things to encourage your men to do:

Do the hard things first. Make a list each day and do the hardest thing first. Passivity is the enemy to biblical manhood.
Make the hardest phone call first. One day turns into one week. Don’t allow yourself to cultivate a fear of man.
Run to the battle. When there is a challenge, the first step must be forward. One only needs to consider the life of the Apostle Paul. I am not saying that everyone should be arguing and fighting all the time.
Do your work now as opposed to later. Being biblically masculine is not about who can bench press the most, it is about dominion. If you are a procrastinator, then dominion is being exercised over you.
Keep your home in order. What does your car look like right now? What does your office look like right now? The mess begins in your home and finds its way into your life.
Kill a bear or a lion. My point is don’t be reticent when a bear or a lion comes into your life. Some of you have someone in your life who you have built a relationship with who you need to share the gospel with but you won’t.

None of these things constitute manhood. These are things that help cultivate manhood. If we don’t come up with a way to help man see what biblical manhood is, we will have an army of none. But, if you will go back in your churches and hold up the banner of biblical manhood and remind men they were made for battle and are in battle, you will begin to cultivate that army.

About Randy Stinson

Randy Stinson is Dean of the School of Leadership and Church Ministry and Assistant Professor of Leadership at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, KY. He also serves as President of The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. Randy received a B.A. from The University of South Florida, in Tampa, Florida, an M.Div. from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary in Wake Forest, North Carolina, a Th.M. and a Ph.D. in Systematic Theology from The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky. Randy has been married to his wife Danna for sixteen years, and they are the parents of six children: Gunnar and Georgia (twin eleven year-olds), Fisher (nine years), Eden (eight years), Payton (six years), and Willa (two years).

Integrating Church and Family to Equip the Generations

Terry Delaney — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 21:35:27 +0000

This is a live blog by Terry Delaney during the Connecting Church and Home Conference March 2009 at Brentwood Baptist Church in Nashville. You can also read confernce notes on the Soujour Kids blog.

Session #4: Integrating Church and Family to Equip the Generations (Brian Haynes)

What are you getting yourself into?

First, if you want a “how” of starting down this road, I would point you to what Jay said in Session 3. I want to talk to you more about what you are getting yourself into when you start down this road.

I want you to look at this picture (a Rabbi talking with a kid).

What you are getting yourself into is just God’s story. We are making a shift from what is right in our own eyes to what is God’s plan from ancient times. It is found in Deuteronomy 6, and Psalm 78, and Proverbs 22:6, Ephesians 6:4, and Matthew 22 and 28 (all of which have been discussed already at this conference). There is a clear bridge from Deut. 6 to Matthew 28-from childhood to the Great Commission. It is the same language.

Home doesn’t go away because the new testament church was established. I had to repent because I am not a professional. It is not my job to disciple every child on the planet let alone my church.

You see this is an ancient path in God’s story. You are getting yourself into God’s story-there is no better place to be.

We are all asking the same question across the nation of how to disciple our children and families. I believe God is getting ready to do something for our culture that could be epic. It won’t be tent revivals or mega churches. It will involve the families. A Jew would tell you the family table is the most important place to worship. All the feasts begin at the table. We redesign 21^st century culture by looking back at the ancient path.

If we are honest with ourselves, we realize that this is not going to be easy. I have looked back on the past four years of my ministry; I think I have been in the battle of my life. Let me be gut-level honest with you: we all want peace in our homes, but you look at our homes and there is no peace in them. When you go back to your community or ministry context and begin to look at how to build this bridge from church to the home, you begin to mess with ground that has already been taken away.

You are waging warfare against Satan who has taken away the home as a ministry priority. Deuteronomy 6 applies to every family regardless of faith. My student minister told me we couldn’t trust our families to disciple their children. I lost one staff member over it. Then we had parents asking our student minister why we were even paying him. Most did not believe families would accept the idea of family devotions and worship. In the USA, we are going after ground that has been claimed by Satan already.

The other battle will be inside of you. You will think you are crazy. Thank goodness for the word of God! The enemy will attack you personally. He will try to attack your family. He will do this because you are trying to take his ground back. This only paints a target on your back. Praise the risen Jesus Christ that He has already overcome all that. Regardless, you will be attacked and tempted to quit.

I share this with you because if you see this the way God sees it, it is completely different. It is a spiritual battle that must be waged.

You are getting yourself into the possibility of an extremely biblical church. Sometimes, the church moves away from Scripture. When you begin to think of how Deut 6 and the Great Commission are put into practice in your church, you run the risk of becoming an extremely biblical church. He will bless that.

I am finding that when you build a bridge from Deut. 6 to Mt. 28, your church does not become perfect. However, it does become biblical. You are getting yourself into a battle over the bride of Christ. When my church came along side me as a father raising my daughter, I gained a great ally in the battle.

Another thing that is gained is the idea of a generational impact. When you begin to filter everything through a biblical worldview, the church will begin to be the light to the world.

Have you ever thought about cultural redesign? Name another culture in history that has slipped away from the Lord that comes back to the Lord? I worry about my children. When I think of cultural redesign, I think of a grassroots effort that begin around the dinner table. I think of parents making tough career choices to be able to spend time with their children. There is nothing more pressing that being able to press the gospel to your children in your own homes. You are getting yourself in the middle of the hope of generational impact.

Go back to the picture. This is of a bar-mitsvah. This dad is trying to be so intentional in being obedient to God. Look at Deut. 6 and look at this picture. What if our children were able to have a foundation rooted in Scripture where they can look back at what they have learned about God through the parents? My prayer is that one day I walk around my hometown and see people in the community and I can take pictures like this (like the one on the screen) of parents equipping their children.

I would like to share a story from 2 Kings 17-18. Compare the days of Israel found in this passage and then think about America today. We are not far behind. I don’t want to be part of that culture that is removed from the Lord.

Look at chapter 18 and see that Hezekiah did what was right in the eyes of the Lord. Notice that the writer mentions Hezekiah’s mother. Why? I believe it is because she poured into him the faith she had in God. It takes one generation to make a difference. It takes one godly king. It takes one mother to pour her faith into her son.

No tent revival will do this. It will take intentionality of our churches to equip the families to prepare for revival. I share this heavy message with you because, to be honest, we have no other option. We can do things the way we have been doing them, but has that really worked? I know that is why you are here. I just want you to know what you are getting into. I say jump in with both feet because it is the greatest and most rewarding adventure of your ministry and life.

Faith and obedience will be rewarded. Courage is a must. Take what you know. Throw your rock as David threw his. Together we will make a difference in one generation.

About Brian Haynes

Brian Haynes is the Associate Pastor overseeing Spiritual Formation at Kingsland Baptist Church in Katy, Texas. Brian came to Kingsland in 2003 to lead the development of a strategy linking church and family to equip the generations. Brian is married to his high school sweetheart, Angela, and together they have three daughters: Hailey, Madelyn, and Eden. Brian and Angela are passionate about equipping adults to grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ and to pass that legacy on to the next generation. Brian is a graduate of Baylor University, Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, and Liberty Theological Seminary where he earned is Doctor of Ministry for his work related to family and discipleship.

About The Connecting Church and Home Conference

Special thanks to Terry Delaney who contributed this guest post. To read more of Terry’s writing visit Going To Seminary or Diary of a Seminary Student.

The Next Step-Family Strategy of Brentwood

Terry Delaney — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 18:52:46 +0000

This is a live blog by Terry Delaney during the Connecting Church and Home Conference March 2009 at Brentwood Baptist Church in Nashville. You can also read confernce notes on the Soujour Kids blog or from the Thoughts On The Word

Session #3: The Next Step-Family Strategy of Brentwood (Jay Struther)

And Ruth the Moabite said to Naomi, “Let me go to the field and glean among the ears of grain after him in whose sight I shall find favor.” And she said to her, “Go, my daughter.” So she set out and went and gleaned in the field after the reapers, and she happened to come to the part of the field belonging to Boaz, who was of the clan of Elimelech.

And Naomi said to her daughter-in-law, “May he be blessed by the Lord, whose kindness has not forsaken the living or the dead!” Naomi also said to her, “The man is a close relative of ours, one of our redeemers.” Ruth 2:2-3, 20

If we have a vision without a plan, our vision will fall apart. I think this is what is true in many of our ministries. When I first got into ministry 13 years ago, it was all about the big events. Today, we have seen that that does not work nor has it developed a lasting faith. Andy Stanley says, “It’s not your intention that determines where you end up. It is your direction that determines your destination.”

This past summer I had the opportunity to preach during our family series. This past summer we discussed about the disfunctionality of families today and in the Bible. I preached from the book of Ruth. Many of you know the story found in the book of Ruth. Ruth only knew how to survive. However, they just so “happened” to be in the field of Boaz, the kinsmen redeemer. When Ruth took a step of faith, God guided and directed her steps to the man who could give them a better life insofar as life in this world is concerned.

I found here in Nashville a community of rich, young rulers. There are many who hold onto themselves as what is sufficient for them to live. This is our pride. Those who have been there and done that do not get excited about all of the big events and big name concerts. God was showing me how I needed to get back to the basic issue of teaching the gospel to our children. We went in the radical direction of small group ministry.

We found that our kids were dying for authentic relationships not the big events. We decided to take the kids that God had given us and make them disciples of Christ (Mt. 28:18-20).

As we took this journey, we began to notice that we were missing the other side of the coin. Our small groups grew exponentially, but we noticed that there was something missing. We realized that we needed to engage the families. I would like to present what we did to engage the families of the kids in our small groups.

1. Stop, Look, Listen

We had to stop what we were doing and look around. After looking around we needed to listen to what our families needed. I would like to challenge you ministers and parents to the biblical mandate of the Sabbath. We need to slow down in order to recharge and spend quality time with our family and our Lord.

There is always room for growth. Our staff has a day of prayer and meditation where we get away during the “work” week once a month to stop what we are doing and look to see where God is at work.

2. Proclaim the family as Biblical Priority

Does your church know how important your family is to you? If we don’t ground what we do in Scripture, it becomes just another fad. We point our families to Proverbs 22:6 and Deuteronomy 6. Every child is a creation of God. A parent is in the best position to understand their child. Are you teaching your people what the Bible says about the family?

3. You need to communicate a clear and consistent message at every level in your church.

You need to grasp the family and embrace it and show it to your church. You must set the example for your folks. You need to carry this message until you are sick and tired of saying it. It is usually at this time that your people just begin getting it. There are many opportunities within your church if you look for them.

4. Enlist church leadership. You cannot do it alone.

You need lay leadership to move this forward. As the staff member, you have more than your share of work to do. To do this, you must cultivate a church-wide culture of loving the family.

5. You need to build a team and find a champion.

One of the key steps is to get the right people “on the bus” and then drive it. The great thing about the church is that we know where the bus is going. We just need to know how to change our methods to get there. The biggest problem is the culture in our churches. We have been “siloed” so long, that making this change will take much work.

Jesus had 12 disciples because discipleship takes much time and energy. Ephesians 4 tells us that we are to equip the body for ministry. We have tried to superimpose the business model of a company on the church. We have relegated our congregation to consumers. We have relegated ministry to the “professionals.”

Acts 6 tells us that pastors are to be devoted to the Word and the prayer. The role of the minister is to equip. We are to give ministry away in order to shape the next generation. We start with our ministry team and then equip the parents that the Lord brings our way. General MacArthur said, “It is amazing what you can accomplish when you don’t care who gets the credit.”

6. Develop a clear strategy

This is what we have discovered and what we have implemented here at Brentwood.

Catalyst—who are the spiritual catalysts in the life of a young person? Relationships are the primary catalysts in these lives.
Parent is the primary (Deuteronomy 6:7)
Leaders in the church
Content—how do we know that our kids can articulate biblical truths
Context—our ministry environments (ministry programs and events)

Here is our ministry plan at Brentwood Baptist based upon Deut. 6:7

Love God as a way of life (worship)
Love others as a way of life (service)
Love the church and understand their roles in the body of Christ (community)
Love the Bible and can handle it properly as the authority and foundation for life (Scripture)
Love to tell others about Christ (the gospel) and share their stories (testimony)
Love to grow closer to God through personal spiritual disciplines such as prayer and Bible Study (discipleship).

We have seven ministry strategies:

Synchronize our ministry efforts around this master plan to build faith and character in our sons and daughters
Communicate this expectation and plan clearly to parents.
Develop a resource guide that suggests to parents recommended resources for family devotions and specific family issues
Connect our teaching ministries to the home
Provide catalyst venues that introduce parents to Parenting 6.7
Partner with the missions ministry in 2009 to provide family-friendly mission opportunities
Partner with the music and worship ministry to focus on intergenerational and family worship gatherings

7. You just need to take that step like Ruth. You need to implement, evaluate and adjust.

We often times overestimate what we can do in 10 years and underestimate what we can do in 1 year. I challenge you to ask yourself what is your next step that is God is calling your church to take to better equip your church to minister to your families.

About Jay Strother

Jay Strother is the Emerging Generations Minister at Brentwood Baptist Church. He’s been working with students, children and their parents since he was 19 years old. Jay graduated from Greenville (IL) College in 1997 and New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary in 2006. He is married to his wife of 11+ years, Tanya, and their three lively little girls, Eliza, Lexi and Ella. Jay loves good books, good coffee and St. Louis Cardinals baseball.

About The Connecting Church and Home Conference

Special thanks to Terry Delaney who contributed this guest post. To read more of Terry’s writing visit Going To Seminary or Diary of a Seminary Student.

Student Ministry: What I have Learned along the Way

Terry Delaney — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 18:30:51 +0000

Session #2: Student Ministry-What I have Learned along the Way (Steve Wright)

We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done. He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children. Psalm 78:4-6

Introduction

I have a friend who certainly believes in eternity. She does not believe in eternity as if it was a lesson. She believes in an eternity that is as real as the next breath. It is so real and radical that is has caused her to forsake everything to proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ. Her name is Abby Tracy.

When she was 13 years old, she began to go on mission trips. The Lord began to give her a heart for the nations and for the gospel. It grew so much that once when she was a sophomore in college, she raised 50 thousand dollars to build a home in Uganda for children she would rescue from the streets. The house was finished when she graduated from college and was ready for her when she came to Uganda as missions.

These kids are called “huffers” because they carry bags around with aviation fluid sniffing it all day to escape the “real world.” Abby believes in eternity to the point that she had to respond to the call of the gospel. She knew these kids have nothing apart from Christ.

We had Abby over to our house a while back. We were able to invite college students as well to listen to her share the stories of her work. She shared that she really wants nothing of temporal value because it is all fading. Rather, she wants to share the gospel with the children who have nothing because eternity is of so much more value than anything we can have here on this earth.

Webb Simpson, a professional golfer whose heart beats for Christ, takes every opportunity to share the gospel with as many people as he is able. Abby and Webb have two different mission fields, but one common objective-the gospel ministry of Jesus Christ.

1. My Journey

My journey starts with my testimony. I wrestled in college and by the grace of God; I was paired up with a Christian wrestler who led me to the Lord. Upon graduation, I became a youth pastor with no idea what I was going to do.

I began student ministry as an activity driven ministry. From this, I began to do ministry by my own strength and with a great deal of pride. I was more concerned about “growing” the student ministries rather than growing the students in Christ.

I had a few questions: Is all of this I am doing really working? Is it biblical? Five main indicators began to concern me regarding the next generation.

Retention-at least 50% of teens between 18-21 leave the church
Career-why are those “called” to youth ministry not lasting? I began to notice at youth pastor conferences that about 1/3 of the youth pastors would leave each year.
Evangelism-in the past 20 years, the number of youth pastors have grown dramatically. In the same time span, the number of youth reached for Christ has dropped just as much. (Source: Dr. Alvin Reid)
Biblical Literacy-Christian Smith said, “The vast majority of teens who call themselves Christians have not been educated in religious doctrines and therefore really don’t know what they believe.” Are we producing a faith that lasts?
My Personal Struggle-I was not asking about the next generation as much as I was concerned about the next generation in my family. Will my children treasure Christ above all else? If the statistics are true, then two of my three children will not remain in their walk with Christ.

I began to wonder if the way I was doing student ministry was really working. Was I really building a lasting faith in my students?

2. Turning Point

One of the first things I became convinced of biblically is that God gave parents the role of disicpling their children. It is hard to do this when the parents do not treasure Christ above all else. My ministry did not mirror this biblical truth. My ministry model allowed parents to abdicate their responsibility of discipling their children to me.

I wish I could tell you of my many successes. Rather, I am able to talk of my many failures. I wanted to start to change my ministry, but God needed to change me first. God began to impress on me where I needed to start.

3. Where Should I start?

I needed to start in my home. I had to have a desire in my own home to disciple my children. I needed a plan for family worship in my own home. The truth was, I was teaching my children to value recreation, sports, games and all other treasures above Christ.

When I began to make this change in my home I started by asking my kids what we should value most. Their answer was simply that we should treasure Christ and worshiping Him. I will never forget humbling myself before my family and confessing my sins to them. Our children want to be led spiritually. What is amazing is that when parents hear this, they are inspired to action.

I would like to lay out three steps to move your church toward a family equipping model.

Start like Nehemiah-Nehemiah had compassion when he saw that the walls of Jerusalem were torn down. He wept and had a burden for rebuilding those walls. We need to have this same passion as we seek to equip our families.
Biblical Theology-If we are not looking to Scripture, where else are we going to turn? Are we looking at great corporate models? Do we really want more plates spinning? I doubt it. We need to look to God’s word. As we look around the U.S. our hearts should be broken as we see how ineffective the bride of Christ has become.

Youth Specialties says about the church in their statement of faith:

We believe in the Church. We know-it’s flawed, inconsistent, institutional, bureaucratic, even embarrassing sometimes. Yet it is also incredibly heroic at other times. Whether we like it or not, want to attend it or not, we’re stuck with it. There are a lot of parachurch organizations out there that are a lot more glamorous at first glance, but the Church is the Body of Christ, and that’s pretty glamorous too. The Church is not optional, it’s not up for discussion, it’s been around ever since Jesus, and it’s still here. That’s good enough for us. (youthspecialties.com accessed 21 March 2009).

Imagine saying this about your bride-how would that sound? We are talking about the bride of Christ here! Should you not be offended by this?

Start in your home-Billy Graham said that if your Christianity does not work at home, then do not export it. John Angell James says that “God will hold the parents responsible for the religion of their children-so far as means go.” What do your children observe in your life?

I believe that if we are faithful in this area of our ministry, the home, then God will expand our ministries outside the home.

The question is not how can our children look like Abby or Webb. The question should be how can you or I look like Abby or Webb. If you want your children or students to have a heart for eternity, then place eternity before your children. I want you to leave today about the great treasure we have in the gospel of Jesus Christ. Don’t get me wrong, I love family ministry (Old Testament) and I love the church (New Testament), but I love above all things the Gospel of Christ.

About Steve Wright

Steve is the Assistant Pastor of Student Ministries at Providence Baptist Church. Steve has served in student ministry since 1988 and joined the team at Providence in May of 1999. He received a Master of Arts degree in Christian education from New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. His undergraduate degree is from Carson Newman College in Jefferson City, Tenn. Steve and his wife, Tina, were married in 1989. They are blessed with three children – Sara, William and Tyler. He has written two books on the subject of families and the church: ReThink and A Parent Privilege.

About The Connecting Church and Home Conference

Special thanks to Terry Delaney who contributed this guest post. To read more of Terry’s writing visit Going To Seminary or Diary of a Seminary Student.

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Leading a Church with the Family in Mind

Terry Delaney — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 03:29:02 +0000

This is a live blog by Terry Delaney during the Connecting Church and Home Conference March 2009 at Brentwood Baptist Church in Nashville. You can also read confernce notes on the Soujour Kids blog.

Session #1 Leading a Church with the Family in Mind (David Horner)

Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more. 1 Thessalonians 4:1

We have got to do better than this if we are going to lead a church with the family in mind. We are going to talk about how to do this and what we should be thinking about as we seek to better minister to our families.

There is a lighthouse in the picture on the screen intentionally. A lighthouse has a lens that projects light out for miles. The idea of discipling in the local church may be a small idea at first with one person, but as it grows in that one person, it is as though the lens of a lighthouse magnifies the light for miles.

How did we get here? What would cause us to give up our Friday or Saturday to come to a conference about family ministry? My guess is that it is a compassion to minister to the families in your communities. For me, the burden of ministering to the family is not new. I believe it is something that resonates with all of us at some level.

I can remember a man from my local YMCA who invested himself in my life. He had us reading C.S. Lewis and Scripture in a small group setting. I had no idea you could do that! This was new to me. I then started seeing the “cool kids” come to know Christ. In those days, we did not have events and activities to come to church. It was more a matter of people wanting to teach us truth and show us love. Through it all, they expected us to respond by serving others for the glory of God.

Today, we don’t have to make it relevant. We just need to present Him in all of His glory. However, we have diluted the gospel so much that we have forgot how to present the wonders of Christ to the next generation. We just need to live it out in front of somebody; i.e., give authenticity to the Christian life. Show others that you are different because of the gospel.

God has designed us that we want to partner with others who have the same mindset. God has given us a couple primary relationships to make Him known in all of His glory. The first relationship is the family. The second is the church. These two should be a profound partnership to grow in maturity in Christ. It is generational in that it should be handed on and on and on.

When we planted a church, we looked to the Bible and a couple of confessions to define what our church was going to look like. We used words like evangelism and worship. We established core values. From all of this we developed a partnering culture in our church in order to develop all of these things. If we already have a partnering culture in the church, and there is a partnering culture in the home, then there must be a connection between the two.

What do we do to establish a transferable legacy in our families? Once we get over the idea of programmatic and event-driven ministries to get people in the church, we can get down to the main thing. We can get the kids to see the glory of Jesus Christ. When people in the Bible saw the glory of Jesus, they responded in worship and fear. Our task is not to get people to show up to event. Rather, our task is to get people to see the glory of Jesus Christ.

What we are looking for is Christ-likeness in every member of the body. “Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ” Colossians 1:28. We want people to be mature, complete, and perfect. Our task is the same in all of those. All that we are looking to do is move people forward in that process.

The purpose of the church is the same as in the home.

That God may be glorified
That the nations may be blessed (the covenant made with Abraham)
That your (their) joy may be made full
That everyone may be made complete in Christ

We need to be committed to these things in our homes as well as in our church. The church and family must have complementary roles, not conflicting. The family must be involved, the church must have the integrity to realize that they don’t need to have something every night-where is there time for the family? Add to all of the church functions the rest of every day life with school and work and sports and other extra curricular activities. Families need to be involved in church but the church must not weigh the families down with “stuff to do.”

The church needs to be complementary. The events in the church must be representative of the family and not contradictory in her functions. The church is sometimes the teaching place and the home is the lab. Sometimes the home is the teaching place and the church is the lab. You begin to see Spiritual leadership through consistent character. You begin to see spiritual maturity through continuous consecration. Your spiritual priorities show your one common calling.

If Jesus is so wonderful, then why can’t your marriage last any longer than a pagan? The church needs to be a light to the world and the home needs to be a light to the world. The church must complement the home and vice-versa. How do you bear one another’s burdens in the church? What does this look like in the home? You must be with others in the church and the home. It is not an either/or. It is a both/and proposition.

There is a connection of God’s passion. “Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised, and his greatness is unsearchable. One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts. On the glorious splendor of your majesty, and on your wondrous works, I will meditate” Psalm 145:3-5.

The partnership emerges from…

The church cannot rely completely on the church and the church cannot abdicate to the home. There must be an intentional culture within the church. We do not need occasional programs. We must seek to build up disciples of Jesus Christ. This cannot be measured and therefore is rarely discussed by pastors.

Do numbers matter or should we be more concerned about developing relationships so that we can develop disciples? If we say the latter, then we need to seek and integration of principles rather than innovative gimmicks and imposed guilt in order to “build” a church. Instead of having a “silo-ministry” where each ministry within the church stands alone, we need to develop a root system like the Redwood tree that relies on one another for stability.

We are not giving our youth something to look forward to with all of the gimmicks and big events. It is no wonder the college age kids fall away from the church. These kids are more like the seed that fell along the rocky path and sprouted quickly but withered quickly because it had no root.

Principle based ministry

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock” Matthew 7:24

What are we building our ministries upon? Our families in the church mirror too much of the culture. Why? Perhaps we are building on the wrong ground. Maybe our kids don’t need all the things we think they need. Maybe they need to be presented complete in Christ. If that is the case, then we need to build them upon the solid ground of faith in Jesus Christ.

“And whatever my eyes desired I did not keep from them. I kept my heart from no pleasure, for my heart found pleasure in all my toil, and this was my reward for all my toil. Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun.” Ecclesiastes 2:10-11

When we abandon the principles of Scripture, we do positive harm to our kids and the next generation. We need to go back to the basic foundation. All Scripture is profitable for what?

“All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work” 2 Timothy 3:16-17.

Peter says the same thing in 2 Peter 1:3-4, “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire.“

We need to get our kids in the Word of God. We need to pray with them. We need to teach our kids the ways of God. We need to raise the bar for our families in order to present our children complete in Christ.

This partnership is a contagious and dynamic relationship with Jesus Christ. One of the reasons we are losing our children is because they do not see this! They are more caught in the web than taught or discipled.

There needs to be consistency and support with each other. That is, in the church and the home. Consistency at home is found in Deut. 6:5-9, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. Teachable moments abound in the home. In order to cultivate those teachable moments, you must have a real relationship with your children.

Acts 20:17-32 is a great depiction of the kind of support the church can, and should, offer the family. If we are to pass on any kind of lasting legacy, we need to have partners. The church needs the family and the family needs the church.

About The Connecting Church and Home Conference

About David Horner

David is the founding pastor of Providence, which was established October 1, 1978. A native of Graham, NC, he received a Bachelor of Arts from Wake Forest University and holds a Master of Divinity from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. He has authored three books, including Firmly Rooted, Faithfully Growing, which is devoted to equipping churches for principle-based ministry, and Dad’s Words of Wisdom, a weekly devotional for fathers and sons. Most recently he wrote, A Practical Guide for Life and Ministry, which offers help for people in ministry who are trying to maintain a biblical balance in their lives. David speaks once or twice a year overseas in various missions contexts, equipping other pastors and Christian leaders in effective biblical leadership. He and his wife, Cathy, have been married since 1973 and have three grown sons, Jeff (married to Elizabeth), Scott and Jon (married to Meghan).

Special thanks to Terry Delaney who contributed this guest post. To read more of Terry’s writing visit Going To Seminary or Diary of a Seminary Student.

Ministry-to-Children.com » Connecting Church and Home Conference

Connecting Church and Home: Live Blog Wrap Up

Live Blog By Terry Delaney

Conference Reflection & Evaluation (by Terry)

Live Blog By Kim Davidson

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The Challenge Before Us

Session #5: The Challenge Before Us (Mike Glenn)

An Army of None: Training Men to Lead Their Families

Session 4.5 An Army of None: Training Men to Lead Their Families (Randy Stinson)

About Randy Stinson

Integrating Church and Family to Equip the Generations

Session #4: Integrating Church and Family to Equip the Generations (Brian Haynes)

About Brian Haynes

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The Next Step-Family Strategy of Brentwood

Session #3: The Next Step-Family Strategy of Brentwood (Jay Struther)

1. Stop, Look, Listen

2. Proclaim the family as Biblical Priority

3. You need to communicate a clear and consistent message at every level in your church.

4. Enlist church leadership. You cannot do it alone.

5. You need to build a team and find a champion.

6. Develop a clear strategy

7. You just need to take that step like Ruth. You need to implement, evaluate and adjust.

About Jay Strother

About The Connecting Church and Home Conference

Student Ministry: What I have Learned along the Way

Session #2: Student Ministry-What I have Learned along the Way (Steve Wright)

Introduction

1. My Journey

2. Turning Point

3. Where Should I start?

About Steve Wright

About The Connecting Church and Home Conference

Leading a Church with the Family in Mind

Session #1 Leading a Church with the Family in Mind (David Horner)

The partnership emerges from…

About The Connecting Church and Home Conference

About David Horner