Times have changed. Today’s kids live will inherit a world where gay marriage is accepted and affirmed, even by the President of the United States. Christians who maintain the biblical witness against this practice will be labeled “bigots.”

So, what are the basics that every kid needs to know when they encounter these topics? What can we teach to prepare children to respond with truth and grace to world gone crazy?

The following is just a starting point. I’d love to hear your response in the comment section below, especially if you have started talking with your children about these topics. We’ve even posted a roundtable discussion about this issue.

These talking points should be customized depending on the age of your kids and their specific questions.

“Marriage is God’s idea”

Before there was any human government or even churches. God invented marriage between Adam & Eve. It was supposed to be one man and one woman, promising to love and care for one another in a special way for all their lives. He said it was a pattern for all their children to copy. Marriage was a good gift from our Maker. It helps us to have strong families and live happy lives. When men & women follow God’s plan, it shows a little of God’s own faithfulness and love. The Bible event talks about human marriage to explain the way Jesus loves his church. At the core this is a theological issue

“Some people say ‘No’ to God’s ideas”

When humans began to disobey God, marriage become much harder. Since we are all sinners, it becomes very hard to put others first and get along in marriage. There are many ways people have gone against God’s plan. The Bible specifically talks about divorce, adultery, and homosexuality. There do not fit with God’s plan and are called sin by different passages in the Bible. Many people think they have freedom to change God’s design in whatever way they want.

“It is not mean to disagree.”

We must love all people, but not hide God’s truth. There are many smart and nice people who don’t agree with what the Bible teaches. To speak up for what you know is not wrong, especially when done with attitude of respect. Christians should find way to be friends with all types of people, even when we disagree with something as important as marriage.

“Love means telling the truth”

Some Christians are shy to call same-sex marriage sinful. They think love and politeness prevents them from judging the choices that others make. It would not be love to hide the wisdom of God from people, especially when their choices will lead to sadness in their own lives.

“God can forgive & fix what sin breaks”

The Gospel is God’s power to both forgive and change sinners. Jesus commands all people to, “Repent and believe in the gospel.” (Mark 1:15). Christ has the authority because he lived without sin and died in our place. The promise is for a total restoration of any sinner back to God. “And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. (1 Corinthians 6:11 ESV)

“Sometimes the Government makes mistakes”

God has said to respect the government and even pray for leaders to have wisdom. Even so, any human government can make mistakes and choose to ignore God. We must continue to speak the truth and do what we can to love all people, even when the government is wrong.

This is just a starting point for this conversation and it’s an issue that won’t go away in this generation. Please leave a comment below to share your ideas or read our round table conversation on how it will affect children’s ministry.

I appreciate the dialogue earlier, but if we can’t agree that God has spoken clearly about marriage in Genesis 2:24… then we’re probably not going to agree on much else on the topic.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
(Genesis 2:24 ESV)

That’s the verse that both Jesus & Paul quote when teaching on the issue. Matt. 19:5; Mark 10:7; 1 Cor. 6:16; Eph. 5:31

I am personally bound by the Word of God — even if the rest of the world (and many other Christians) think it’s foolish.

Related posts:

1. How will “Gay Marriage” impact Children’s Ministry?

With the coming political firestorm over “same-sex marriage,” it’s going to be a topic kids hear about. If your children aren’t asking yet, it’s just a matter of time. As ministry leaders, we should think carefully about how we respond and find the right balance of truth & grace.

That’s why I sent the following question to several of my friends in children’s ministry. The idea is to learn from one another and be prepared to better serve children, to whom these topics can be very confusing.

Question: What is the role of the children’s ministry when kids ask about the topic of same-sex marriage? Are there certain Bible truth’s you stress for kids that would make this issue less confusing when they encounter it later? How would you respond if several children raised the issue during your teaching?

Below are the responses from our participants. I’ve also posted my suggested talking points on this issue. You can Note: There is a print link embedded within this post, please visit this post to print it. this page and carefully read through their insights. This conversation is not complete without your insight. Please share your insight in our comment section below. You are free to disagree with any or all of these writers, just do so in a respectful manner. We don’t expect anyone to agree with everything the following contributors wrote!

Response from Jared Kennedy

Jared Kennedy

In the fall of 1997, I headed off to college. I planned to room with a high school friend, but, during that summer, he confessed to me that he’d been hanging with a number of gay friends, and he was struggling with same-sex attraction. He called me out of respect, because he wanted me to know before we were roommates. I was repulsed, took a posture of judgment, and, we ended up not rooming together. I’m convinced now that my repulsion and judgment was ungodly. And the sad irony was that I was also struggling with all kinds of sexual sin. My orientation was different, but my depravity was no less.

Many Christians and whole churches have lost confidence in the gospel when it comes to how they think about and respond to homosexuality. Some single out homosexuality as “the sin.” Many have strong emotional reactions to homosexuality that flow out of deep insecurity, feelings of repulsion, disgust, and threat. These reactions expose profound unbelief both in the gospel’s power to change lives and about the depth of sin in our hearts.

A children’s ministry’s approach to homosexuality begins with having a heart of hospitality. We must welcome and treat all people with dignity and respect. We should assume homosexuals are always in our midst and avoid all homophobic speech. We should repent of our stereotypes and prejudices towards homosexuals, be ready to welcome gay or lesbian couples raising children into our worship gatherings, and pray that they will entrust their children to our care.

We must remember that the world has never seen a perfect family. Since Adam and Eve, every family has been jacked up enough to be desperate for grace. Pick up your Bible, and you’ll see stories of homicide, gang rape, polygamy, concubines, incest, and prostitution before you even get out of Genesis. When we teach kids, we should be sensitive about explaining sin with age-appropriate discretion. But we should also be clear that everyone is capable of every sin. There is no sinful behavior that given the right circumstances my sinful heart will not adopt.We should help kids to see that we often act just like the sinners in the Bible’s stories. When teaching youth about sexual sin, we also must be honest about the sexual sins popular among heterosexuals (promiscuity, fornication, masturbation, pornography, lust, etc.). We should not single out homosexual sin as worse than any other type.

There are kids in your ministry who will ask about gay marriage, and there are kids in your ministry that are struggling with same-sex attraction. When the questions come, we must be clear that homosexuality is not God’s design for human relationships (1 Corinthians 6:9-11; 1 Timothy 1:9-10), but we can’t be simplistic about its cause. There may be biological factors that pre-dispose a child to more feminine or masculine behavior than is usual for his or her gender. There may be family factors that make it difficult for a young person to feel confident in his or her social gender role or which make opposite sex relationships unattractive. Emotional, physical, and/or sexual abuse can affect a persons understanding of their sexuality. We must be sensitive about each child’s story while affirming that each child either confirms or chooses to resist homosexual desires with their choices.

Our job is to help every family understand that they are invited into a bigger story of redemption and restoration. Every family is dysfunctional, but God has good news—no matter your family’s history, baggage, or present situation—change is possible. I know this is true, because I have changed. Over the past 15 years, God has been rescuing me from a lack of compassion and ungodly judgment as well as from sinful living. All family dysfunction can be changed. Homosexuality is no exception. The gospel is the power of God that is able to change anyone. The actual process is no different than the process of change for anything else in the life of a Christian. We need to give the kids in our ministry biblical vision of family (one that moves beyond cultural stereotypes), and they need encouragement to pursue that vision with the Holy Spirit’s help and ordinary means of grace—prayer, God’s word, repentance, faith, and community.

God didn’t make boys for Bass Pro Shops, ESPN, and Old Spice, but He does want them to grow up loving Jesus and others by leading, protecting, and working with wisdom (Genesis 2:15, 19-20). God didn’t make girls for pink doilies or Pinterest, but He does want them to grow up loving Jesus as powerful counterparts and life-giving nurturers (Genesis 2:22-23; 3:20; Proverbs 31). God didn’t ordain the Cleavers or the Cosbys as the perfect family, but he did create marriage as a life-long, loving, covenant relationship between a man and a woman—a picture of Christ and his bride, the church (Genesis 2:23-24; Ephesians 5:21-33). That’s a vision worth teaching, praying for, and pursuing as we train up the next generation.

References: “Discussion of Homosexuality” by Anonymous; “They Blew Up Walnut Grove,” in Zombies, Football, and the Gospel by Reggie Joiner.

Jared Kennedy blogs at http://sojournkids.com. He is the husband of Megan and the father of three girls-Rachael, Lucy, and Elisabeth. He leads SojournKids as Family Pastor at Sojourn Community Church, a multi-site congregation in Louisville, KY

Response from Nicole VanderMeulen

I received the invitation to comment on this topic as I sat at a conference titled “Children, Youth, and New Kind of Christianity” held at Calvary Baptist Church in Washington DC. The event included participants from every denomination I have ever heard of and people came from countries all over the globe to attend. One major theme that emerged is that Christians have a really bad rap. Through our hypocritical, judgmental, shaming ways we’ve done way more turning people away from church than welcoming them in. This is largely due to literal interpretation of the Bible. We are so quick to speak, yet so slow to act.

My dear friends, the Bible does say that a man and woman should be together and no man should lie down with another man, but it also says that we should sell our daughters into slavery, never eat shellfish, be put to death if we work on the Sabbath, avoid contacting menstruating women and on and on. So, please, if you choose to hold each word sacred and literal, PLEASE be consistent. Your picking and choosing of what to take to heart and what to ignore really flaws your integrity. To that end, please do not believe that you have the ability to decipher what is literal and what is metaphor. You don’t.

Alternately, consider looking not at single verses or specific Biblical facts, but try to examine the repetitive themes and big truths found in our sacred book. You’ll see over and over where God and Jesus gave forgiveness, grace, and love. Don’t forget the greatest commandment, “love your God and second to that, love your neighbor as yourself”. In fact, Jesus was often found associating with prostitutes, the sick, beggars, tax collectors and the like, the people that society viewed as “wrong” or “bad”.

While this is certainly how I would help children explore what the Bible might have to tell us about homosexuality, that wouldn’t be my first strategy for addressing the subject. This conference I was attending reiterated for me the importance of helping children think for themselves rather than telling them what to think. I would probably start by asking some questions like, “What do you think about two women or two men being in love?” “What do you think God thinks about it?” “Does it matter what we think about it?” “Are there greater sins than others?” “Do we all sin?” “Is it our job to judge or love others?” “What if someone you knew (best friend, mother, brother, etc.) told you they were gay? Would that change what you thought?” “Is it ok to hurt others when we don’t agree with them?”

As I continue to pray for a world of love, peace, acceptance, and social justice, with Christians right where we have been called to be, leading the effort, I leave you with this thought. “We should be fixing ourselves and helping others, not the other way around.”

Nicole VanderMeulen serves as the Children’s Ministry Coordinator at St. Matthew’s Lutheran Church in Renton, Washington.

Response from Amy Dolan

Amy Dolan

I was thrilled to hear the President’s comments last week on gay marriage. His words, in my opinion, were just the kick in the pants we’ve needed when it comes to serving all types of families in the church. We’ve been teasing the subject for awhile, wondering “What will I do when a family with gay parents comes to my church and wants to dedicate their child, volunteer in the ministry, and be fully participating active members in the church?” And now, with the President’s comments at the forefront of most American’s minds, we can consider the subject one of our most important priorities.

Here’s the thing: It’s time. Whether gay families are active participants of your church or not, it’s time to consider how we might serve all types of families by loving, serving, caring, helping, and training so that all parents might be the spiritual leaders and influencers that their children so desperately need.

As children’s and family leaders, we talk a whole lot about parents as the primary spiritual influencers, and occasionally we complain about parents who don’t recognize and embrace their role. As the church, we so deeply desire coming alongside parents providing training and encouragement for the long road of parenthood ahead.

But, my observation has been that this practically only applies to traditional two-parent-mom-and-dad families. Most conferences I attend, books I read, churches I observe, and conversations I have include parent training aimed at these types of families. My hope is that we’d include all types of families in order that all types of children would grow in their faith and become lifetime followers of Jesus.

Something to keep in mind: When a gay family steps into any of our churches, it’s a risk. And when that family is open about who they are, it’s an even bigger risk. Yet, when they do, and when they ask for our help in raising their children, I think, it highlights their commitment and strong desire to raise faith-filled Godly children.

Let’s listen. Let’s ask questions and listen to each family’s answers. What has their story been thus far, both in life and in faith? What are their dreams for their children? How can the church help accomplish the family’s dreams?

And then let’s serve. Let’s do our best to encourage and empower parents so that regardless of their journey thus far, they are strong and able to raise spiritually strong children.

It’s time. Time for us to be mindful as we live out our calling to the fullest, and to serve families in the church for the sake of spiritual growth for all children.

Read more from Amy on her blog or follow @adolan on Twitter.

Related posts:

1. Poll: How many kids does your ministry impact?
2. The Spiritual Impact of Mothers: Sally Michael

It’s been a few months since our last Think Tank discussion. These are occasional forum-type posts where I ask several Children’s Ministry leaders to respond to a difficult question. The responses are always helpful and bring insight from several different directions.

For this session of the Think Tank, I posed a question that affects my own ministry. My congregation has experienced steady church decline over the last five years. It’s not been easy and I’ve often been discouraged. But I know that I’m not the only one with this problem.

How would you survive in ministry if you served in a shrinking church? What specific encouragements would you offer to someone in that situation?

Below are the responses from our participants. You can Note: There is a print link embedded within this post, please visit this post to print it. this page and carefully read through their insights. This conversation is not complete without your insight. Please share your experiences in our comment section below.

Response from Amy Dolan

1. Experiment! Innovate! Use this season to experiment in your children’s ministry. When programs are going well and are growing quickly, we don’t usually get the opportunity to switch up the program and try new things. Consider changing the classroom environment, experimenting with new curriculum, or bringing in a guest speaker for your volunteers. New innovative ways of doing ministry may emerge, causing a burst of new excitement!

2. Build up the Loyal Base. Even in a shrinking church, there are always parents and volunteers who are committed and loyal to the ministry. Instead of focusing on the people leaving the church, or who are constantly complaining about the program – spend your energy building into the most loyal members. By offering additional opportunities for training, encouragement and community you’ll grow the committed core who will help to support the ministry through any season.

3. Brag about Yourself. It can be difficult to stay encouraged when you continue to see your program shrinking. But, in order for you to be filled up and motivated to keep moving forward, you must intentionally take time to brag about yourself! Take a few minutes each week to record the fantastic things you’ve accomplished, no matter how big or small. It might feel funny at first to brag about yourself, but it will be well worth it when you feel capable of taking on the world!

4. Keep Planning for the Future. If you’ve had to put your big children’s ministry dreams on the back burner because you are in survival mode, consider starting a journal where you can store all of your dreams for use at a later date. I keep a document on my desktop called “Amy’s Dreams” where I keep a running list of ideas I would someday love to implement, if I were in the right situation. It’s a great way for me to be always thinking and challenging myself for the future.

Read more from Amy on her blog or follow @adolan on Twitter.

Response from Brenna Philips

This is a very interesting question and one that hits close to home for me and the church in which I am currently involved.

Let’s start from the beginning: the call to ministry, specifically children’s ministry. I know I am called to minister to children and their families. There are many ways in which to fulfill that role. I can minister to children by teaching classes at church, leading in children’s worship, helping parents in their role as Christian
educators to their own children. It doesn’t matter whether I have a group of 100 children or a group of 4 children. It is my responsibility to answer the call to children’s ministry and help parents lead their children to follow Christ.

If the church is decreasing in size, we must look at the reasons for that decrease. Are people “church-hopping” and going to other churches in the area because of the programs offered? Are they moving out of the area or out of state? Are they dropping out of church all together?

If people are attending other churches in the area because of the programs or classes offered, we must evaluate our classes and determine if we are providing for the needs of people in attendance.
There isn’t a lot we can do about people moving out of state. This is a transient generation and culture in which people move frequently because of work and family situations. We can, however, provide them with the basics to continue the ministry in their new locations. We must teach them how to share and minister to
others and to carry on the ministry of the Kingdom.

If people are dropping out of church completely, we must determine why they are no longer attending. We must build a relationship with them and share one-on-one with them to encourage their attendance and personal growth. Maybe they prefer and even need a small group for their own personal growth.

To financially survive as a minister in a shrinking church, we must define ministry. Do we have to be on a church staff to be a minister? Absolutely not! We can be a minister in the “regular” working world and perhaps work in a field involving children and families. During the workweek, I teach early childhood students and have been able to non-verbally share Jesus in a corporate learning center with families I know do not attend church on the weekend. Once I build a relationship with the families in my class and receive their trust, I can share more verbally and they begin to open up to me.

As encouragement to someone involved in ministry in a shrinking church, we must first determine what is shrinking and what is important in the mission and Kingdom. What is the definition of success? Is it numbers in attendance? Is it money?

We must stay true to our calling. We can make a difference whether it is to one person or to 100 people.

Read more from Brenna on her blog or check out her project, “A Year in Children’s Ministry Calendar.”

Response from Glen Woods

For most churches, the question is not a matter of if they will experience numeric decline, but when. Every church experiences a life-cycle beginning with vision and growth, extending to institutional development of structures and systems (this is true even in fluid grassroots movements which last for any length of time), and at some point, reaching a point of plateau. It could take five years, ten years, or as in the case of the average church, about twenty to thirty years. If the plateau is not followed by a new season of growth which breaks the stagnation of plateau, then eventually it may lead to the decline which has inspired this question.

What then are we to do when that decline begins to occur?

Remember, it is God’s church and he loves it. That is, he loves the people he has called to worship him together in community remembering Christ’s sacrifice by breaking bread and sharing the cup, fellowshipping, worshipping, reading Scripture, proclaiming and living the gospel, serving their neighbors, taking care of the widows and orphans in their distress, and so on. So, even while experiencing decline, be faithful to what God has called you and your church to be and do. Love God and one another, especially your enemies.

I have survived in a church which until recently has gone through about five years of decline (we are now experiencing incremental growth since January, much of it conversion growth) because of this commitment I made to be faithful in the situation which God has placed me. I love my pastor, the people, the children, and the community. Although there are times when I have been discouraged and felt like throwing in the towel, God continues to remind me of the promise I made to be faithful until he chooses to move me on.

So, do not lose hope. Remember that what you are experiencing is common. Do not fall in to the trap of remembering the good old days at the expense of remembering that God is not finished with you or your faith community. Do not cast blame, but work together with your people to discover God’s heart and purposes for your local church. Be irrepressibly positive, knowing that God loves your congregation. Lead your people to become missionaries to your culture. Seek him and ask him to give you and your people the heart and DNA of a world-changer, beginning in your current place of service.

Read more from Glen on his blog or find him in the Kidology Forums.

Response from Wayne Stocks

This is not an experience that I have been through personally. Therefore, I can’t call on personal experience in answering the question, but I can turn to scripture, and three of my favorite scripture verses seem tailor made for this situation. I would turn first and foremost to Colossians 2:23-24:

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the
Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

Whether you serve four hundred kids or four kids on any given Sunday does not matter. You must pray, prepare and present as though you were doing it for God himself. Don’t “write off” your ministry just because it is small. Read and learn and plan for a larger ministry. Make sure you’re prepared if God decides to drop a couple hundred extra kids into your ministry in the next year. The second verse is Philippians 4:8:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is
pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is
anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Focus on the positive aspects of a smaller ministry. Take advantage of smaller numbers in your ministry. Build deeper relationships than you could if your ministry were bigger. Spend more one-on-one time which each child. Plan events that you couldn’t do with larger groups of kids. Rather than view your shrinking ministry as a negative, focus your thoughts, your heart and your efforts on the positives.

Finally, I turn to Romans 12:12 which is probably the single verse which I turn to most in my own life:

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

No matter the circumstance – good or bad – our hope is in Jesus Christ, and in that we can rejoice. Be patient. God has a plan for your ministry whether it is large or small, and even if you can’t see it right now. Most importantly, be in prayer. Talk to God it about it. Ask him what he wants you to do about it. Pray for the kids who are in your ministry and pray for his wisdom to guide you in leading that ministry.

Read more from Wayne Stocks on his blog “Dad in the Middle” or Kidmin1124 and in our Kids Ministry Forums or follow @StocksOhio on Twitter.

Related posts:

1. Church Decline: Ministry in a Shrinking Church
2. 5 Ways To Balance Family and Church Ministry

Do you ever have questions when someone talks about “the call” to children’s ministry? Maybe God is dealing with you about your ministry position. If so, then keep reading. This month’s Children’s Ministry Think Tank is all about God’s to minister to children. Here is the question as I posed it to our think tank members.

“How do you understand God’s calling to children’s ministry in your own life? How would you counsel a young person who is exploring this children’s ministry as a vocation? What do you make of Kids Pastors who move on to other positions in the church such as executive or senior pastor?”

To keep things interesting, I’ve invited a few new kids ministry leaders to join this session of the Think Tank. So grab some hot chocolate, Note: There is a print link embedded within this post, please visit this post to print it. this post, and share your own perspective about God’s calling in your life.

Response from Gina McClain

How do you understand God’s calling to Children’s Ministry in your own life? For a long time I saw myself as a leader in kids ministry by default. I didn’t set out to be in children’s ministry. However, as I looked back I could see how God ordered my steps. So, when I consider my past experiences, the doors He continues to open and the holy discontent that never seems to go away… Children’s Ministry is where it’s at.

How would you counsel a young person who is exploring this children’s ministry as a vocation? Develop discipline. Spiritual discipline, Leadership discipline, Emotional discipline. In kids ministry your leadership spans adults, youth and kids. And you have to see it that way. You have adult & youth volunteers and kids that you will shepherd in some capacity. The times that I lacked discipline were the poorest seasons of ministry for me. Discipline is critical. Spiritual discipline will sustain you through the dry spells. Leadership discipline is critical to working with your peers and leaders. And emotional discipline will keep you (and your devoted volunteers) in it for the long haul.

What do you make of Kids Pastors who move on to other positions in the church such as executive or senior pastor? Sell outs. Okay… not really. I think I would love to sit across from a senior pastor that was once a kids pastor. I’d love to hear their perspective today. What do I need to consider as a kids ministry leader that I can’t see from my vantage point? At the same time, does it bother me that leaders exit kids ministry for the next ‘rung’ on the ladder? I don’t know that this bothers me as much as someone in my leadership wondering why I don’t aspire to more. That really chaps me. Why assume that advancement in ministry means working with adults? I think advancement in ministry has more to do with your leadership/spiritual influence and less to do with the age category of your ministry. But let me be clear… I don’t believe that success in ministry necessarily means the expansion of your influence but rather the depth of your influence. And depth of influence relates directly to successful spiritual, leadership & emotional discipline.

Read more from Gina on her blog or follow @gina_mcclain on Twitter.

Response from Kenny Conley

Good question. I undoubtedly believe that God calls people to Children’s Ministry; however, I also don’t believe that everyone serving in Children’s Ministry is “called” to it, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I remember hearing Bill Wilson who runs an amazing Sidewalk Sunday School ministry in the worst parts of Metro New York say that he was never called to Children’s ministry. He’s simply standing in the gap for these kids and doing what was done for him. He says it in a much more controversial way though. I love that guy… but I’m scared of him too. :)

I was called to children’s ministry at the age of 14 and it was clear for me. On of the greatest spiritual influences in my life had been my Children’s Pastor and I feel that God used that to shape me and call me. It wasn’t until 7-8 years later that I believed God expanded my calling to encourage, lead and serve those who minister to kids… which is why I blog and a significant portion of my job today. I think there are a lot of other things that I would enjoy doing and thing that I’d be good at… but I just can’t imagine not serving kids in the capacity that I do.

I have counseled many people who were exploring Children’s Ministry as a vocation. Once it was clear that there was passion and giftedness, I encouraged them to get involved and submerge themselves in ministry to kids. The best way to learn is to actually roll up your sleeves and do it. If they’re young and free, I encourage them to go and find a place to serve where they’ll learn from the best, even if it means packing up and moving to another city or state. I got all my early experience in a small church doing ministry while in college. It really was a great opportunity for me. Although that’s a great way to do it, you may not get as much opportunity to learn from the best. If doing it again, I might go to the best church I could find and become the best volunteer they’ve ever had. I’d be upfront with the Children’s Pastor that it’s my intention to be developed to do what they do and I’m willing to do anything and work may tail of. Whether they’d ever have room to hire me or not, I’d be getting the best kind of experience in the world. I’d be developing a stellar reference list and an incredible resume. After a few year of this, I’d probably be prepared to find a church to join their staff.

I know that some my disagree with me on this, but I’ve geared many away from seminary. I’m not anit-seminary, but I don’t think it’s necessary. The problems I face on a weekly or daily basis deal more with leadership, systems and administration… not Greek exegesis of the New Testament. I also think it’s really helpful to have a good understanding of child/age development. I’ve encouraged young aspiring children’s pastors to go the early/elementary education route or even the business/administration route… however, temper it with a minor in Bible/Theology. Although I’m not going to suggest seminary, there’s no substitute for strong biblical knowledge.

I have no problem with Kids Pastors who move up in their roles. First of all, I’ve seen very few of that happen. Second of all, if I was a children’s pastor, I think I’d like it if my boss knew where I was coming from. Also, I’ve considered it and thought, I’d move up in that role only because I realize that I could have greater influence for families and kids in a role like that. So I say, “go for it” if that’s where God’s leading.

Read more from Kenny on his blog or follow @KennyConley on Twitter.

Response from Sam Luce

Does God call some people called to Children’s Ministry? I believe he does. Actually I believe on of the things that preserves a kid’s pastor is that unshakable sense of calling. I know that many time I have felt like quitting the one thing that keeps me from doing so is remember the moment I was called into the ministry. Every person I know that has made it for the long hall have one thing in common they can tell you the exact moment they were called into ministry.

“How do you understand God’s calling to children’s ministry in your own life? – I remember the moment I was called into the ministry. I grew up in a pastors home we moved a lot. I didn’t want to do that to my kids so I decided at an early age I wasn’t going to be a pastor. That all changed one night when I was 13 years old. God spoke to me in a very real and very profound way and no one can convince me it was anything other than the call of God. It took me a while to yield to the call but to this day the call is what sustains me in good times and in bad.

How would you counsel a young person who is exploring this children’s ministry as a vocation? I am very different from most. I try to think what I would want someone to tell my kids if they asked this question. My answer would be don’t go to bible college go to school get a degree in something you love and that you can practically use in the real world. I would tell them to get a teaching degree and then if they need bible go to seminary after.

What do you make of Kids Pastors who move on to other positions in the church such as executive or senior pastor? I don’t have a problem with it. I do have a problem however with people who use the kingdom of God for their own ambitions. So for me it’s not about the job or even leaving kids ministry it’s more about motivation and desires. Are you building God’s Kingdom or yours?

Read more from Sam on his blog or follow @samluce on Twitter.

Response from Brenna Phillips

My calling to children’s ministry was simple and difficult at the same time. That statement sounds contradictory, doesn’t it?

I graduated from college with a BS degree in elementary education, but during my college assignments, I came to understand that I wasn’t positive classroom teaching was the exact career path in which God was leading me. I loved working with young children and I wanted to combine my work in the classroom with my work in the church.

After college I enrolled in seminary to explore the possibilities of children’s ministry. Through my course work, conversations with mentors, and continued church experience, I discovered that God was calling me to children’s ministry work.

But there are many ways of doing children’s ministry work. A person doesn’t have to be a full-time children’s minister doing that type of work as her primary position in order to be a children’s minister. In fact, many churches do not even have a full-time children’s minister on staff. Churches use part-time staff and volunteers to lead this ministry.

Throughout my years in children’s ministry, I have come to agree with churches that employ part-time or volunteer people. I have served as paid and as volunteer and have learned more about how to minister and invest in others while serving as a volunteer. For my paid position, I work in the same world along side people with whom I strive to lead the church to minister. Working in the church building everyday didn’t allow me the freedom and ability to see what “regular” people are doing and what they need.

I answered God’s call to be a children’s minister on the volunteer level because of our church size and because I wanted to combine my call to teaching with my call to children’s ministry. I have learned more about children’s ministry through this combination calling and have been better able to minister to the “real” world of children and families.

My advice to a young person considering children’s ministry as a vocation is to seek God’s will and find out what she does best. There is a definite need for children’s ministers — full-time, part-time, and volunteers. This young person must decide where she can make the best investment and where her skills can best help her in making that investment. The answers to those questions are sometimes best discovered after working in the field a few years.

Sometimes children’s ministers or youth ministers make the move “up” to senior pastor or other pastoral staff positions. Often those moves, too, are determined after experience in the field and determining the better fit. I don’t agree that people should use the children’s minister position as a stepping-stone up to the senior pastor position, but I do agree that sometimes people refine their calling after experience in the ministry. It is similar to a person working with children who later discovers that she is better suited for youth. Sometimes the size of the church determines a person’s ministry choice. He may work as children’s minister in a small church and later receive a call from a larger church to be senior pastor. That idea should not be his reason for accepting the children’s minister position though.

Each person called to ministry must discover his/her interests and skills and the best fit to make the best investment for furthering God’s Kingdom.

Brenna Phillips is Children-Family Minister at Mission Fellowship Church in Middletown, Delaware, and teaches preschool students at an early childhood learning center.

Response from Wayne Stocks

There is no doubt that working in children’s ministry requires a special type of individual. It requires someone who:

• Loves God and knows the Bible
• Loves kids and enjoys finding effective ways of teaching them the Bible
• Longs for the salvation and sanctification of children
• Understands God’s special affection for children
• Is willing to invest endless amounts of time and effort in ministering to kids
• Appreciates the fear of God and the awesome responsibility of working with his kids
• Frankly, if someone lacks these characteristics, they would be better off finding another ministry to work in.

I started working in Children’s Ministry shortly after I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. It was a natural fit for me (more likely a supernatural fit). I have always loved kids, and I found the prospect of working with them exciting. I started in the nursery with 2 year-olds and had a blast. The following year I moved on to working with second graders. It was there that I discovered the real joy of teaching kids about God. There was just something special about it. I enjoyed pouring into their lives and teaching them about Jesus.

I found myself consumed by it. I began to think constantly about the kids and the ministry. I looked for ways to improve the ministry and make it more God-honoring. I prayed for the spiritual salvation and sanctification of the kids I was working with. I worked at making the lesson each week as understandable and kid friendly as possible. Working with kids, and teaching them about God, was one of the most enjoyable things I had ever done. As I walked alongside those kids their spiritual journeys, I realized that I was learning more about God than I could ever hope to teach them. In hindsight, it is clear to me that God was calling me to work with kids. He gave me the love for them and challenged me to dive right in. I have never regretted that decision.

Currently, I am a volunteer in children’s ministry. It is not my full-time vocation, though if it is God’s will, I can see I time in the future where could be. That said, if a young person came to me and asked about the prospect of going into children’s ministry a full time vocation, I would offer the following four pieces of advice:

• Never lose your love for kids. If you do not anguish over the prospect of their spiritual death, you do not have the passion needed to persevere in children’s ministry.
• Never allow your ministry to become your idol. No matter what you do, God must always be preeminent in your life.
• Remember that ministry to children is not all about children. Much of your time will be spent ministering to adults in the form of volunteers and parents.
• Train as you would for any type of ministry. Don’t think that you don’t have to work as hard to prepare yourself because you’re going to work with kids. You will need to train at least as hard, if not more, than those who minister to adults.

I’m sure there is more, but these four would be a good start.

As for those who move on from children’s ministry to “bigger and better things,” there is always the possibility that God could call someone out of children’s ministry to another position, and it would be premature to generalize and judge those people without knowing all of the facts. That said, I think that those who go into ministering to children so should go into that ministry with the idea that that will be their ministry for the remainder of their lives. A ministry should never be used as a stepping stone to a “better position.” Those of us in children’s ministry are given the great privilege, responsibility and stewardship of working with God’s children towards their salvation and sanctification in Christ. God holds a special place for kids in his heart, and children’s ministry should never be viewed as a “training ground” or “stepping stone.”

Read more from Wayne Stocks on his blog “Dad in the Middle” and in our Kids Ministry Forums or follow @StocksOhio on Twitter.

As always, our Think Tank posts are not complete until you have your say. Simply leave a comment below to share your thoughts. You can answer the question or interact with our responses.

Related posts:

1. Video: Statistics About Children & Call To Prayer
2. God’s People Grow (Story of Joseph Lesson)
3. God’s People Become Great (Exodus Bible Lesson)
4. God’s People Disobey (Exile Bible Lesson)
5. Video: How Do You Teach the Bible to People Who Can’t Read?

It happens almost every year. One kid comes to children’s church with a personal mission to prove Santa is not real. Besides the disruption, it creates a situation where one child is calling someone’s mom a liar. That’s why I’m calling to order a special Christmas edition of our Think Tank.

How do you handle the whole issue of Santa Claus in your ministry? How would you redirect a group of children at church who are debating his existence? What advice would you give Christan parents & grandparents about Santa?

This is the question for the December edition of the Children’s Ministry Think Tank. Each month I ask several kids ministry leaders to respond to a challenging situation related to children’s ministry. The answers are always informative, but they are incomplete without your input. So, enjoy the conversation and leave your comment at the bottom of this post.

Response from Wayne Stocks

When I received this month’s Think Tank question, it came just a couple of days after and thorough and exhaustive drilling from my eight-year-old son on whether or not Santa Claus was real. I thought about begging off on this think tank, but this is an issue that those in Children’s Ministry (and parents in general) need to address head on. However, gefore I get to the questions actually posed, let me give you a little bit of background so you know where I am coming from on this issue. I have four kids, they are 16, 8, 6 and 2. I started going to church shortly after my six year old (now almost seven) was born and accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior shortly thereafter. That said, my love for Christmas pre-dates my acceptance of Christ. I love the music, the presents, the gifts, the family and everything else that goes along with Christmas. The focus of my love has shifted since I accepted Christ, but the holiday itself has always held a special place in my heart, and Santa always played a huge part in the Christmas season in my house. Since becoming a Christian, I have wrestled with the topic of Santa almost every year. I know that many well meaning and sincere Christian parents tell their kids that there is no Santa Claus. On the flip side, many equally well-meaning and sincere Christian parents see no issue in Santa. So here’s where I eventually landed on the issue:

1. If my kids believe in Santa Claus, that’s ok. Kids believe in all kinds of things. Thanks to Disney, most of our kids believe in talking fish and dinosaurs. J It seems to me that part of being a kid, and part of the fun in dealing with kids, is that imagination and fantasy.
2. I will not directly lie to my kids about Santa or anything else for that matter. They will get presents from Santa, and leave a letter for Santa (they will even get a reply every year), and leave cookies each year. If they ask, I may try to change the subject or avoid the question. Heck, I may even play some mind games like “What do you think?” or “Do you get presents from Santa?” But, I won’t take the easy way out and just lie to them. Some people may suggest that this is a distinction without a difference – if you lead your kids to believe in something, that is essentially lying to them. In the interest of full disclosure, this is the issue I wrestle with. However, in the same way I do not feel the need to give my kids a disclaimer that there are no such things as talking vegietables every time I turn on an episode of Veggietales, I don’t mind allowing them believe in Santa.
3. My kids need to understand the difference when we talk about Jesus and when we talk about Santa. Jesus is the risen Son of God whose existence and divinity are well attested to and evidenced by Bible and the other sources. Santa is just Santa Claus – a jolly old guy who lives at the North Pole with elves. Unlike Jesus, there is no proof of Santa’s existence. Frankly, I find Santa a good jumping off point for a discussion of the differences between blind faith and reasoned faith. I never want to leave my kids in a position where they can say “Dad said Santa was true and I don’t believe that anymore so maybe I shouldn’t believe what he says about Jesus either.” I think the key to avoiding this is living Christ out in front of them as much as possible. Santa drops off some packages once a year and brings temporary happiness. Christ changes lives and brings us eternal joy.
4. Santa can never, and will never, be at the center of Christmas in my house. Christmas is about Christ – plain and simple! Christmas is about God’s plan to save us from our sins. That is the fundamental truth of Christmas and Santa has nothing to do with that. I think so long as my kids understand this, whether or not they believe in Santa is irrelevant. Every good thing comes from above, and whether the delivery man for those things is Santa or Mom and Dad does not really matter!

Now, for the questions actually asked in this think tank:

Santa Claus is not part of my ministry. We focus on Christ in our teaching which is what I think Children’s Ministry should be about every week. I think the issue of Santa is best left to parents. That said, if a group of children is discussing the existence of Santa Claus, my approach is to let them talk it through. I think it is great when kids can start to use their reasoning and analytical abilities to discuss these issues amongst themselves. So long as the conversation is not spiteful and doesn’t devolve into “Yes he does,” “No he doesn’t,” “Yes he does,” I think that such conversations should be encouraged whether they are about Santa or any other topic. Finally, when it comes to advice to parents and grandparents, I think they should follow their own conscience so long as it doesn’t contradict with Biblical authority. I would talk to them about the steps I’ve taken (as indicated above) to ensure that they understand the difference between Santa and Jesus, but beyond that I don’t believe that the existence or non-existence of Santa is really a Biblical issue.

Merry Christmas to you all and a Happy New Year!

Read more from Wayne Stocks on his blog “Dad in the Middle”.

Response from Brenna Phillips

Imagination is a healthy, natural part of a child’s development. Imagination plays an important role in allowing a child to fantasize, pretend, and assign human traits to inanimate objects.

Santa fits right in with the imagination of a young child. But children grow up, mature, and begin to wonder if Santa is real. Older children (especially older siblings) often tease younger children about their continued belief in Santa.

This is the part where adults and leaders can intervene and begin to gently explain another aspect of Santa. Christmas is about giving, not receiving. Santa is the spirit of giving. What happens when a young child asks if he’s real? Adults can explain that he is real is the minds and hearts of those who truly believe in the giving spirit of Christmas. That is a difficult concept for young children to grasp but over a period of time of pondering and teaching and maturation, they will begin to understand.

Here is a bit of advice for parents/grandparents on Santa: It’s ok to believe in Santa with your children but remember to emphasis the true gift-giving meaning of Christmas as the birth of Jesus, the amazing gift God gave to all people.

Brenna Phillips is Children-Family Minister at Mission Fellowship Church in Middletown, Delaware, and teaches preschool students at an early childhood learning center.

Response from Charlie Wallace

We don’t really promote Santa Claus in our children’s ministry. We do not have pictures of Santa on the walls or his “workshop” set up near the entrance. Santa is noticeably absent from our children’s area and that is by design. The church is the place where we learn primarily about Jesus…not Santa.

I’ll be honest. I’ve never heard a conversation concerning Santa Claus between kids take place. If it did overhear some discussion, I would probably just say, “Quit talking about Santa Claus and do” whatever it is that the kids are supposed to be doing.

I believe the crux of this discussion takes place in the home. Every parent has a preconceived notion as to what extent Santa talk will take place in their home. Here is my advice:

1. Decide what your family’s view of Santa will be – In other words, Who is Santa to your children? Is he like the tooth fairy or Easter bunny? Is he more then that? Does he possess God-like qualities (He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you’re awake…he knows when you’ve been bad and good)? Some parents do make way too much out of Santa Claus. Therefore, decide who he will be in your home. Obviously, if you decide to portray Santa a real person with God-like qualities at some point your children will figure out that the picture that you’ve been painting them is a fraud. That brings me to my next point:
2. Don’t lie to your kids – Don’t lie to your kids about Santa. If they ask you if he’s real, don’t say that he is. If they ask you if Santa is real, you then have a natural chance to explain what Santa is really all about.
3. Don’t fuel your kids’ Santa obsession – Chances are that early on in your child’s life, by the age of 2 or 3, they are going to start an obsession with Santa. It’s unavoidable. The presence of Santa is ubiquitous. Therefore, take care not to further fuel the obsession. I would advise not saying things like, “Santa’s watching you!” That’s just freaky. Besides, God is the only omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient being of the universe, not Santa Claus. Be careful not to fill your kids’ minds with thoughts about Santa that are God-like.
4. Take time to re-orient their thoughts of Santa to those of Jesus – An example would be to give them an Advent calendar where they can count the days of Jesus’ birth and not just the days where they get a lot of presents. This brings me to the hardest one:
5. Don’t give your kids a lot of presents – Don’t make Christmas the time where you shower your children with presents. Give them 3, 4, 5…but that’s it. If you want to really celebrate your children, give them a bunch of stuff on their birthday, not Jesus’ birthday. Take the focus off of your children’s hearts being wrapped up in being good for Santa and instead have their hearts attuned to the birth of Jesus the Savior of the world.

Charlie Wallace is the Children’s Pastor of the First Baptist Church of Columbia, SC. He is a regular contributor for our blog. You can read more from Charlie on his blog titled First Kids.

Response from Jared Kennedy and Fletcher Lang

There’s no way around it, pretty much every kid in America is going to know about Santa Claus. Thanks to Coca-Cola, the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade, and mall atriums everywhere, the jolly ole’ man in red is a cultural Christmas staple who probably isn’t going away any time soon. But as Christian parents or Sunday School teachers, is it a good idea for us to teach our kids that Santa Claus is coming to town?

I think we’ll all agree that during the Advent season, it’s our job to teach kids about the true meaning of Christmas—that Christmas is about Jesus’ incarnation and birth as a baby in Bethlehem. It is about God saving people created in his own image by coming to earth Himself as a man. As long as the incarnated Jesus is the focus of our stories and celebrations, we think it’s okay to tell your kids about Santa – after all, unless they’ve been completely sheltered from the culture, they probably already know.

Here are two key things to consider when teaching kids about Santa Claus:

1) Teach kids the legend of St. Nicholas. Nicholas was a real man who did many good things, and we do well to celebrate his life. Here’s a good article by Pastor Mark Driscoll that tells about Nicholas’ life in plain language: http://theresurgence.com/saint_nicholas

2) Remind kids that they’ll never be good all the time! Santa is not our judge, but if he were and he really was making a list, none of us would be on his “nice” list. Let’s be honest, we’re all still naughty deep down in our hearts. But there has been One who made it on the “nice” list. Jesus, being born of a virgin in a little manger in Bethlehem, was the only person who made it onto God’s “nice” list. And we have hope because, through faith in Him, God has made it possible for us to be added to that list as well! He sees us in all our sin, but He still gives us His good and perfect gifts. So the next time a group of kids are arguing over Santa’s existence, try to point them to Jesus by saying, “If Santa is real, could you really make it onto his nice list?” and by reminding them that Jesus is the true reason for the season.

Jared is the father of three daughters and serves as Associate Pastor for Children’s and Parent Ministries at Sojourn Community Church in Louisville, KY. Fletcher serves as Jared’s pastoral assistant.

Related posts:

1. What Do You Say About Santa?
2. Christmas Reflections on the Nativity & Children’s Ministry
3. Family Ministry Ideas for Christmas

Welcome to another session of the Children’s Ministry Think Tank. This is a monthly feature where we discuss controversial or difficult topics related to children’s ministry. Our responses are just a starting point, we encourage you to share your views in the comment section below.

What About the Age of Accountability?

What do you teach about concerning a child’s condition (sometimes called age) of accountability for responding to the Gospel? How would you counsel a parent who is concerned about a preschool aged child who seems disinterested in learning about Jesus? If you had to estimate (and you do), what is the chronological age that most children become fully accountable for their decision about Christ?

Response from Jared Kennedy

Some Christians and Christian traditions maintain that Scripture teaches an “age of accountability” before which young children are not held responsible for sin and are not counted guilty before God. But several Bible passages indicate that children (even before they are born) have a guilty standing before God and a sinful nature so that they not only have a tendency to sin, but God views them as sinners (Psalm 51:5; 58:3; Ephesians 2:3). Experienced parents know that children do not have to be taught to do wrong. It is their natural inclination to disobey, to lie, and to manipulate.

This is one of the strongest motivations for Christian parents and Christian churches teaching the gospel to their children from the youngest age. We teach about Jesus because children need Jesus as their savior from sin. As one famous preacher said, “The gospel is meat for men but it is also milk for babes.” But kids don’t always want to hear about Jesus and trust him. When a preschool age child isn’t interested in learning about Jesus, there isn’t necessarily a cookie-cutter answer, but here are some areas I’d explore with the parent: (1) I’d encourage the parent to examine his or her own heart. Does mom and/or dad get excited about Jesus and learning from his Word? Do they regularly pray and read Bible stories together with their family? Young children often look to and follow their parent’s example. Perhaps a parent has a satisfying relationship with the Lord, but it is private and not shared with the child. Invite the child into your relationship with Jesus. (2) I’d ask the parent whether or not he or she talks about sin with their child. Does your child know that when she disobeys you, she is also disobeying God? Do you just talk about your child’s misbehavior (taking a cookie, hitting his sister, not sharing), or do you talk with him about the heart attitudes and motivations that lie behind that behavior (greed, pride in performance, selfishness)? When our children have a more honest view of the extent to which sin is rooted in their hearts, they will be more likely to look for and respond to Christ—who provides pardon and provision for that sin. (3) Most importantly, I’d pray with the parent, and I’d encourage the parent to pray. Salvation is ultimately God’s work in the child’s heart. May God have mercy on our kids and help them to repent from sin and love Jesus.

As I stated above, I cannot justify an “age of accountability” from the Scriptures. John the Baptist was filled with the Holy Spirit from his mother’s womb (Luke 1:15). Since salvation is God’s work in a person’s heart, it doesn’t require any particular level of cognitive understanding or behavioral response to be present and real. Growth in faith is certainly evidenced by understanding and behavior, but it is not earned (or merited) by them. Faith is more than a decision, it is a gift from God. So, my age estimate is somewhere around conception. :)

Jared Kennedy is a husband, a father, and the Director of SojournKids (http://sojournkids.com), the Children’s Ministry of Sojourn Community Church in downtown Louisville, KY.

Response from Nicole VanderMeulen

I apologize if you’re already tired of me saying this, but the Lutheran theology in which I stand strongly believes that it’s more about God choosing us (and he has, all of us!) and not about us choosing him. It’s all about the grace. If your child is disinterested in church or Jesus or anything else you find essential, well God forgives them for all of those things too!

That is not to say that we shouldn’t be concerned about our child’s development regarding their Christian education and faith. Each child is uniquely wonderful and will develop at their own pace. Each one of us learned to walk, talk, ride a bike, sleep through the night, read, and do about a billion other things all at a very different rate in a plethora of different ways, most of which could all be considered “normal”. I don’t think children’s understanding and accepting of Jesus is different than any other developmental milestone. Why can’t we just celebrate the special and unique gifts each child brings to our village, rather than worrying or trying to force faith?

My other thought is that I know many, many adults who question their relationship with Jesus and hit bumps and potholes along their faith journey. I actually find this healthy and not of concern. To fear and to question and to wonder and to doubt are all means for growing in faith. Why would we expect our children to be any more firm or certain than most adults can be? The concept of Jesus and the news of the Gospel is VERY abstract knowledge for a child (and still for many adults too!) to comprehend. I think expecting this type of understanding from a child is inappropriate and will only set us up for disappointment. Instead, I encourage telling children over and over about God’s unending love for them and showing them the care and community that comes with membership in a Christian family. The rest will come.

The educator in me would say that if your preschooler isn’t interested in learning about Jesus, than you should re-examine the teaching strategies being used. I don’t think I’ve met a child yet who is truly disinterested in learning about Jesus if the information is presented in a fun, engaging, age-appropriate, diverse manner.

I can’t put an age on accountability for the Gospel, because I truly believe our relationship with God is a journey, not a moment or a single prayer, or day, or year. Our faith is ever-changing and I think that is healthy for all ages.

Nicole VanderMeulen serves as the Children’s Ministry Coordinator at St. Matthew’s Lutheran Church in Renton, Washington. She is a regular lesson plan contributor for our website.

Response from Wayne Stocks

By God’s providence, the Bible does not give a specific age at which an individual is accountable for the knowledge of their sin and their decision to accept or reject Jesus Christ as their savior. There is ample evidence in the Bible that children who die before this “age of accountability” do in fact go to heaven. Indeed, people like Charles Spurgeon have postulated that, because of this, the streets of heaven may well be populated more by those who died before this age of accountability than those who attained a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ after the age of accountability.

The age of accountability is different for all children, but I think we can define it as the age at which a child is capable of knowing and understanding that they are a sinner, recognizing that they needed a savior, understanding that Jesus Christ is Savior and Lord, and realizing that we are saved only by the grace of God and not by virtue of anything we can do. Only God knows what that age is for each individual child. Despite that, Tony has asked us to estimate the chronological age at which children become accountable for their decision about Christ. I will hedge just a bit, and answer the question this way: I think that by the age of twelve most children will have reached the age of accountability. I also believe many children actually reach it earlier than that (sometimes much earlier). In Jewish tradition, a boy became a man and entered adulthood at age 12. This is consistent with Jesus’ age when his parents brought him to the temple and he was found in deep theological conversations with the teachers of his age. Mary was a young woman (likely middle school aged) when the angel Gabriel appeared to her and told her she was pregnant with the Son of God. I think all of this points to somewhere around 12 or so as a “maximum” age of accountability for most kids.

As for a minimum age, I think that kids are definitely capable of accepting Christ and fully comprehending that decision at a much younger age than twelve. I am not entirely sure what the floor is, only God knows! In short, I’m with Charles Spurgeon on this one who wrote in the book Come ‘Ye Children:

“I will not say at what age children are first capable of receiving the knowledge of Christ, but it is much earlier than some fancy; and we have seen and known children who have given abundant evidence that they have received Christ and have believed in Him at a very early age.”

I think it is imperative as parents and Children’s Ministry workers’ that we never let our preconceived notions about whether or not a child is old enough to accept Christ stand in the way of the Lord’s work. I think as many times as a child wants to make a profession of faith or “ask God into their heart,” we should encourage that. We may not know at that moment whether or not they have attained to saving faith, but God does. In my own experience, my eight year old son prayed of his own volition (really God’s but by his own I mean without human prompting) several times from age four until age seven for Jesus to come into his heart and be his Lord. That said, when he was filling out the form at our church to be baptized several weeks ago, he knew exactly which date it was (to the day) when that prayer “stuck” and he became part of God’s family!

Finally, when it comes to encouraging parents of preschool aged students who seem disinterested in learning about Jesus, I would just encourage them to keep trying, be patient, pray and trust in the Lord. All children are different. If your child doesn’t like being “taught” about Jesus, find a good story book like the Jesus Storybook Bible and read it to them. If they don’t like being read to, there are great video resources out there. If they like games, there are good game resources out there. Just don’t give up. Keep modeling what it looks like to live for Jesus and they will eventually become interested. Finally, while as parent we must fulfill our duties to pass along our knowledge of the Lord as laid out in Deuteronomy 6, we must also remember that the outcome and timing of everything in our children’s lives belong to the Lord.

Read more from Wayne Stocks on his blog “Dad in the Middle”.

Response from Brenna Phillips

Q: What do you teach about concerning a child’s condition (sometimes called age) of accountability for responding to the Gospel?

There is no age of accountability about when a child (person) responds to the Gospel. A person can make a faith decision at any age in which he understands.

Q: How would you counsel a parent who is concerned about a preschool aged child who seems disinterested in learning about Jesus?

Preschoolers develop and mature at different ages and stages. As an early childhood teacher, I see 3-5 year olds learn at different levels and in different ways. Some 3 year olds students can write their names and letters of the alphabet. Others struggle to simply identify their written names. They learn differently at different times. Early childhood teachers continue to teach using different methods and preschoolers develop and learn all along the way. Therefore, Christian education teachers and parents must continue to teach preschoolers about Jesus using different teaching methods. They may seem disinterested but they are listening and comprehending the message on their own levels. Little tidbits of information are connecting in their minds. Through relationships with those preschoolers, teachers and parents will hear them say something and repeat something that they have heard and learned.

Q: If you had to estimate (and you do), what is the chronological age that most children become fully accountable for their decision about Christ?

The answer to this question is a grey area. There is no age of accountability when children (people) become fully accountable in their decisions about Christ. The Scripture does not speak about accountability ages. God holds a person accountable when he/she is totally woo’ed by Him in making a decision. Believing and accepting Christ is as easy as A-admit, B-believe, C-choose and a person is instructed to come to Christ with faith as a little child. When a person comes to understand and make a faith decision, then he is held accountable. There is no set age for this accountability.

Brenna Phillips is Children-Family Minister at Mission Fellowship Church in Middletown, Delaware, and teaches preschool students at an early childhood learning center.

Response from Terry Delaney

As a children’s minister, I specifically teach first through fifth grade in Sunday School using a master teacher approach where I teach one lesson and then the children break down according to age into a smaller group setting for discussion and application with other teachers. I challenge the children all the time with their sin and that they must respond in repentance (yes, I use the “big” words with explanation as to what they mean) and trust in what Christ did for them.

My kindergarten kids were taught about sin last year with the Children’s Desiring God curriculum. At first, my teachers did not like it much, but have seen the fruit of their teaching this doctrine to kids so young in that the children are beginning to view things through a biblical lens rather than “what Johnny and Susie does.”

Regarding counseling parents whose children “seem” disinterested, I exhort them to continue teaching their children diligently (Dt. 6:7) and that the Lord will bless their efforts. Usually, I can counsel the parents to avoid the multitude of distractions in a child’s life (television and video games) and help them to set up a time of family worship each evening for five minutes or so. To a person, they have said that making these slight changes radically changes their children’s attitudes in most every area.

I believe that a child becomes fully accountable for her decision for Christ when she is fully aware of right and wrong. I also believe that the parents should be teaching their children about sin from day one and that Christ never sinned yet He died so that we could be forgiven of our sin. Whenever I discipline any child, I explain to them that what they did was sin and that Christ died for that sin. This has a lasting effect on the child in that they now begin to see just how sinful their hearts really are (Jer. 17:9) and how gracious our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ truly is.

The way I see it, the world–and the prince of this world–begins an onslaught on our children from day one. We must be on the defense from day one teaching our children the realities of the spiritual warfare that is taking place. Many parents underestimate their children’s ability to understand and discern, but as a parent of four, I can honestly tell you that they are sponges and they soak in more than we can imagine. It is up to us as the parents to keep Christ before our children at every possible moment and do so until they or we shall leave this earth.

Terry Delaney is a regular contributor to our blog and also edits a website about Christian Book Reviews.

Response from Charlie Wallace

The notion of an “age of accountability” is a topic that has been debated for years. Paedobaptists (those that baptize infants) do not discuss this topic as frequently since they typically hold to the same basic belief as Calvin:

“If any of those who are the objects of divine election, after receiving the sign of regeneration (baptism) depart this life before they have attained the years of discretion, the Lord renews them by the power of his Spirit, in a way incomprehensible to us as he alone foresees will be necessary.” (Godfrey, Robert W. John Calvin, Crossway: Wheaton, IL, 2009, 104).

This however, only occurs for the elect – those children who God has chosen to redeem before the foundation of the world. In this way, baptism of infants confirms that they are part of God’s covenant people.

If, however, you believe that God has not chosen some to salvation before the foundation of the world, and are a devout credobaptist then the age of accountability becomes an issue. What do you tell a parent whose 3-year old dies in a tragic accident? Does the child go to Hell? On this issue, I would argue that there is a profound difference between one’s original sin that has been inherited from Adam and one’s willful and disobedient sin that a child, or person, commits. We are held accountable by a just and righteous God for the sin that we commit when we are mentally capable of understanding it. (The same would hold for those who hare mentally handicapped, etc.)

For a parent who is concerned about their child’s sinful behavior, at whatever age, I would tell them to (1) pray earnestly and frequently that the Spirit will convict their child of their sin, (2) continue to do their part as the parent in teaching their child about Jesus, and (3) rest in the comfort of knowing that God is providential and sovereign. Depending on your view of God he either knows what will happen to your child, has deemed what will happen to him, or perhaps both! Whatever God’s role, it is completely holy and good because he is God and our notion of what is fair and just comes from our being made in His image. Unfortunately, our child’s salvation is one thing that parents cannot control. As much as we would like to, we can’t.

As far as the age that a child becomes cognizant of their sin, I would say that there exists a wide range. I have counseled 5 year olds that were broken-hearted about their sin and knew they needed Jesus for salvation. I have counseled 10-year olds that were clueless. Like adults, children come to the Lord at different times in their lives. Our job as pastors and parents is to pray that they will come to faith – and come to faith as soon as possible.

Charlie Wallace is the Children’s Pastor of the First Baptist Church of Columbia, SC. He is a regular contributor for our blog. You can read more from Charlie on his blog titled First Kids.

What Do You Think?

This is one of those issues that is not going away. Leave your response to my question in the comment box below. You can also interact with the points made by different writers.

No related posts.

Welcome to session #6 of the Children’s Ministry Think Tank.  This time I’ve asked our contributors to share their experience of teaching kids to pray. If you would like to participate, just read over the responses and leave your thoughts in the comment section. Here is the question:

How Should We Teach Kids To Pray?

How do you teach children to pray? How do you approach this differently with children you know to be unconverted? How do you encourage kids to develop self initiative in their own prayer lives?

Response From Glen Woods

I have learned one thing of singular importance about teaching for behavioral change, including instructing children to pray: my behavior must model the behavior I wish to see in others. Am I a person of prayer? Is it sincere, humble, and life-changing? Do I have an ongoing conversation with God throughout my daily routines? Does my prayer life reflect that modeled and taught by Jesus who, when asked by the disciples how to pray, reminded them of the Aramaic prayer they had grown up with in the Synagogue, the Qaddish (taken from a root word meaning holy), or as most of our readers would recognize it, the Lord’s Prayer?

There is a temptation to respond to a question like this with a formulaic answer, prescriptive of desired behavior. Indeed, we typically look at the Lord’s Prayer this way. We see it as his prescription for a well-rounded prayer life. But is that what he intended? Given that they grew up with the Qaddish as a regular and integral prayer synagogue worship, it is more likely he was calling them back to the rhythms of their spiritual heritage, a call to prayer multiple times throughout the day in community and privately.

Jesus, himself, had a consistent attitude in and about prayer, but he was unpredictable in terms of the content of his recorded prayers. Why is this? I think it is because, although some of his prayers (the Lord’s Prayer is one example) were formulaic, he typically did not reduce prayer to ritualistic forms. He prayed relationally to his Father (see the Gospel of John, passim). So too, do we have an opportunity to show children how to relate to their heavenly Father. And, if they do not yet know God personally, then this kind of conversational, comfortable but reverent, prayer life will pique their curiosity to ask of the hope that is within you. Remember, if we seek God we will find him; children are the ultimate seekers, given their typical curiosity. And in terms of teaching children self-initiative to pray, have self-initiative in your prayer life. Set the example. Self-initiative in prayer begins with a desire to seek God and is sustained by a growing relationship with God. Teach parents in your church to do the same. Their children are watching and learning to follow their example.

Glen Woods is a Children’s Pastor and warehouseman in Portland, Oregon. He writes at Children’s Ministry Conversation.

Response From Nicole VanderMeulen

When I was a child, I knew and used three prayers. I learned the Lord’s Prayer with memorization work at Sunday School and Confirmation Class. I recited the familiar bedtime prayer “Now I lay me down to sleep…” before falling to sleep each night, and my family said a rendition of “Come Lord Jesus” before eating dinner. Although my parents are both Christians and our family had near perfect attendance at our little Lutheran church, these three memorized sayings were all I knew of prayer. I had no clue it had the possibility to be both powerful and sincere. When my husband first began sharing meals with me at my parents home, I had to remind them to say our mealtime prayer SLOWLY, opposite our usual warp speed setting, just so that he could keep up! In fact, I remember occasions during my childhood when I would pick up my fork and then someone at the table would ask, “Did we pray?” Wow! It’s hard to claim prayer as meaningful time with God when you can’t even remember if you did it or not! I’m not proposing that there is no place for memorized prayer, but I am introducing a better way for kids…the repeat after me prayer!

Virtually all you need to know is in the name, but just to clarify, an adult or the leader says a prayer, pausing between every two or three words, allowing the children and other participants to repeat or echo the words that have been prayed. That’s all there is to the repeat after me prayer. I use this prayer technique at the end of children’s sermons during worship, and all the kids AND the adults join in on “repeating after me”. Not only does this really give prayer a community and family feel, but it really prepares children to pray from their heart independently in the future, by giving them lots and lots of examples of how you pray and what you say. You can take the repeat after me prayer one step further, by asking the children for prayer requests or ideas before you pray and then including them in your petitions. It is my hope (and prayer!) that this repeat after me method will eventually lead children to pray confidently and compassionately all on their own.

I would not pray ANY differently with a child who is “converted” verses “unconverted” and I am not really sure there is such a thing. Prayer is about love, confession, forgiveness, adoration, supplication, and thanks, and I truly believe all of those things are for all people. Lutheran theology is grounded in Ephesians 2:8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-not by works, so that no one can boast. It is our belief that while it is important to have faith in God, that he already chose you, whether you choose him or not. Nothing you do or do not do will change God’s love for you. We believe faith is a journey, and that it doesn’t necessarily begin in one moment, prayer, or act.

Nicole VanderMeulen serves as the Children’s Ministry Coordinator at St. Matthew’s Lutheran Church in Renton, Washington.

Response From Brenna Phillips

One of the easiest ways to teach children to pray is by modeling prayer times with them. Pray with children. Show them that simple conversations with God are the best. Help children to understand that they do not have to use big, fancy words and long prayers for God to understand their hearts. God is their Heavenly daddy and wants to talk with them and hear from their hearts. The best way for children to hear how to pray is for them to hear their leaders and other adults praying in simple conversations to God.

Unconverted children will learn how to pray from these same simple techniques and it may even lead them to ask further questions about salvation.

Encourage children to develop self-initiative in their own prayer lives by encouraging them to simply talk to God. He’s listening. He loves and cares and wants to hear from them. Children do not have to hide in a closet or be all alone to pray “high and mighty” prayers. Simple God conversations will do fine.

Brenna Phillips is Children’s-Family Minister at Mission Fellowship Church, in Middletown, Delaware, and teaches early childhood students at an early learning center. www.brennaphillips.com

Response From Wayne Stocks

Prayer is fundamental to the Christian life. God does not have us pray because he needs to hear what we are thinking – he already knows! God has us pray to build our relationship with him. Consequently, it is essential that kids be taught how to pray. Even amongst Christians, it is common for children to be taught what to pray. They are given rote prayers to repeat at meal time (e.g., “God is great, God is good”) or before they go to bed (e.g., “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep”). In doing this, we do kids a disservice. A child may be well fed so long as she lives at Mom’s house, but if she is never taught HOW to cook, she is destined to a life of fast food and take out. In the same way, if a child is never taught how to pray, they are destined to a life of spiritual malnutrition!

How Do You Teach Children to Pray?

Four truths of prayer come to mind about how we teach kids to pray:

1. Children must be taught why we pray. They must be taught that God commands us to pray and that the reason for praying is for our benefit not for God’s.
2. Children must be taught when to pray. Prayer is not just for night time or meal time. The Bible says “pray without ceasing.” We must explain to kids that prayer is about acknowledging God and his presence at all times in our lives.
3. Children must be taught the types of prayer. Praying to God can take many forms:  Talking out loud, In our heads, Writing them out, Singing, Drawing pictures, Dancing, Meditating on his Word, Short prayers, Long prayers.
4. Children must be taught the elements of prayer. There are four basic elements of prayer that should be taught to kids. The Lord’s Prayer is a great tool for accomplishing this. The elements of prayer can be remember by the acronym ACTS:

• • Adoration: Praising God for who is and what he has done!
  • Confession: Telling God about the wrong things we have done and asking for his forgiveness.
  • Thanksgiving: Thanking God for all he has done for us.
  • Supplication: Asking for things for ourselves and others.

So, those are four truths about prayer, but what is the best way to convey those to kids? They must be taught by example. The following are some practical tips:

• Model prayer for them. Show them how you pray.
• Pray with them frequently.
• Make prayer part of your lesson.
• Let kids see you praying.
• Pray as a Ministry Team
• Talk about prayers God has answered or you
• Encourage them to write their prayers down and keep track of those God has answered.

Finally, look for opportunities and fun ways to teach kids how to pray and then use them to pray with them. Here are some ideas:

• Make a list of ten things they are thankful for.
• Have them draw a picture of their family and write one thing they could pray about for each person.
• Talk to them about things they are afraid of and God’s ability to protect them from those things.
• Act out the days of creation with them and talk about the awesomeness of God.
• Have them do some research on starving kids around the world.
• Talk about our government and the people who rule over us. Explain that God tells us to pray for those people.
• Talk about the people they know at church like the Pastor, Elders and Children’s Pastor. Explain that those people need our prayers.

Kids will learn so much more by doing than they ever will by just by hearing.

How Do You Help Kids To Develop Their Own Initiative?

Patterns and routines are helpful for kids in prayer. Encourage them to pray throughout the day, but always at certain times (such as when they get up, meal time, or bedtime). Encourage them to think about their prayers. If your kids are just saying the same thing day after day after day, they are not really learning how to pray. If you encourage them to put their own fears and wishes and desires and gratitude in their prayers, it makes the prayer their own and encourages them tap into the power of prayer.

In my own family, one thing I do when the kids get into a rut and pray the same things over and over is mix it up for them a little bit for them. For example, one time when the prayers were a little too much “Please help me to” and “Please help me to get” I gave them the following criteria – “Tonight I want us to pray without asking for anything.” When my oldest objected that he was told that there was no wrong way to pray, it gave me a chance to explain that God loves to hear our prayers, but that he also taught us how to pray!

As a Children’s Ministry worker, it is important to remember that no matter what you do, a child’s prayer habits will most likely be picked up from Mom and Dad. If you can encourage parents to pray with their kids, or get kids to ask their parents to pray with them, that is the most effective way to help kids develop their own prayer initiative.

Prayer and Unconverted Kids

I had never really thought about this question before, but it seems like the most appropriate thing to encourage unconverted kids to do in prayer is to ask God questions and to express thanks to God for the things that he has done in their lives. Teach them the good news of Jesus Christ and encourage them to ask God in prayer to show them the truth of the Gospel. Even if a child is not converted, the fundamental truths of prayer discussed above will provide a foundation for that child if, God willing, he makes a decision to follow Christ at some future date!

Read more from Wayne Stocks on his blog “Dad in the Middle“

Related posts:

1. Teaching Children to Pray
2. 10 Ways To Teach Children About Missions
3. How Do You Teach Kids To Be Saved?
4. Bedtime Prayers With Children

Thanks for joining us for another session of the Children’s Ministry Think Tank. The purpose of these posts is to address some of the sticky issues that come up in real world kids ministry. Please join the conversation by leaving a comment at the end of the post.

Question: Thinking about Sin and Self Esteem

How do you teach the doctrine of sin to children without harming their self-esteem? Especially with preschool children, how explicitly do you teach them about their own depravity? How do parents in your ministry respond to these issues?

Response From Brenna Phillips

The Bible speaks clearly about obedience. We have a great responsibility to be obedient to God. We can learn from the kings who ruled Israel and Judah that there are consequences for having a lack of obedience. Some kings began their time of reign as good kings who followed God’s ways but somewhere along the way, they lost their focus and traveled down the wrong path leading them to destruction and often death.

How do we teach sin to children? We teach them that it is our responsibility to be obedient. We love God; therefore, we are obedient to follow His ways. When we lose that focus and are not obedient to God then there are consequences and punishments.

We are obedient to God by being obedient to our parents, grandparents, teachers, and other adults. When we mess up and are disobedient, that is called sin. Sin separates us from God. Sin can be big, like stealing something that doesn’t belong to us or hurting someone else even as far as death. Sin can be something smaller, like saying unkind words to someone or treating others badly. God loves us but He hates sin. God wants us to follow His ways and obey His commandments and rules.

Think about a river. As the water flows in a river, it picks up dirty mud, trash, and pollutants along the riverbanks. This trash floats in the water making it very dirty. Sin is the trash in our lives that makes us dirty. The cross upon which Jesus died is our bridge across that “dirty river.” When we accept Jesus as our personal Savior, we are walking across that bridge to God where we are clean and free from sin again. It is our responsibility to be obedient to stay clean and follow God’s ways and commandments.

The parents of the children involved in the children’s ministry at my church have not had any responses to teaching about sin. They are appreciative that I teach their children on their levels of understanding.

Brenna Phillips is the Children’s-Family Minister at Mission Fellowship Church in Middletown, Delaware, and teaches 3-4 year old students at an early childhood learning center. www.brennaphillips.com

Response From Terry Delaney

I believe first and foremost we have made an idol of self-esteem. While we do not want to “beat” the children up with talk of sin, I think we need to start at a very early age explaining to the children what sin is. We are told to teach “these things” to our children in Deuteronomy 6. The “these things” being referred to is the book of Law and it is there where you find what sin is exactly as well as what obedience to God looks like. By not teaching our children early in life what sin is and what it is not, we create the exact opposite of what Paul wants us to be in Romans 12:3–that we not think as highly of ourselves as we ought.

Teaching them about their depravity (I would not use that word in talking with the kids) is actually quite simple. If you continue to show the kids what the Bible says about their disobedience, the Holy Spirit will begin to work in their hearts. We really do not need to do much other than hold them accountable to what Scripture says. We should always compare them to Jesus Christ as the ultimate role model rather than having them look to another child who is acting obedient. When compared to the standard of Christ, we all fall short of the glory of God.

Unfortunately, I have found that I need to teach the parents more about sin than the children. The kids know they are sinning, but they also know that mom and dad will let them get away with it. Parents have bought into a psychological understanding of rearing their children that does not corroborate what the Bible teaches–that we are all sinners from birth. The children usually understand more readily that they are sinning than the parents. For those parents who do begin to make that paradigm shift in their minds, I have noticed a major attitude change in the children. It is amazing what a biblical understanding of your child will do for your ability to discipline properly.

By teaching children early in life that their disobedience to mommy and daddy is actually a sin against God lays a wonderful, biblical foundation for the gospel later. I have seen this in my own son who just turned five years old. He told us the day before his 5th birthday that “Jesus cast Satan out of my heart.” He said he was tired of sinning and wanted Jesus to forgive him. While we are not ready to dunk him and declare him to be a Christian, we have noticed that the Spirit really convicts him of his wrong doings and that when we challenge him with the Bible he readily conforms to Scripture.

Terry Delaney is the Children’s Minister at Carlisle Avenue Baptist Church in Louisville, KY. He writes at Christian Book Notes.

Response From Wayne Stocks

When I first got the e-mail asking me to participate in the most recent Children’s Ministry Think Tank, my first thought was “I hope I am qualified, and I am certainly humbled to be in the company of the other writers in this series.” My second thought focused on the term “self-esteem” in the question. I was inclined to share my opinion on the psychologically created idol of self-esteem. I was all prepared to remind everyone that the Christian life is all about God and not about us. I was fashioning language to express the truths of how big God is and how small we are. I was looking up the verses about not esteeming ourselves (Romans 12:3) and how any esteem we have should come from God (James 4:10). Then I decided not to go down that route and instead answer the broader question “How do you teach the doctrine of sin to children?” I think the answer to that question will implicitly answer any issues of “self-esteem.”

An understanding of sin is foundational to the gospel. Without sin, there is no need for the cross. Without the cross and resurrection, there is no Christianity, and to paraphrase Paul, we are to pitied above all men. So, how do you teach the doctrine of sin to children?

I believe that it is essential that kids understand five different things about sin in order to really understand the concept of sin. Those are:

1. What is sin?
2. Where does it come from?
3. Who sins?
4. What are the consequences of sin?
5. What is the solution for sin?

PRACTICAL CONSIDERATIONS:

This post is already much longer than I had anticipated, so I will try to keep this short, but I think there are some practical considerations that should be taken into account when teaching elementary age children about sin.

First, at that age, kids tend to be literal thinkers. Although I think the concept of sin is natural to them (it is evident in their own lives), it is still a concept and the more concrete examples you can provide the better. That said, be careful not to overemphasize behaviors as sin and remember that sin is more about heart attitudes than the actual behavior which they manifest.

Secondly, repetition is key. The more you can reduce the concept to small “sound bites” and repeat those, the more likely they are to retain them. For example, an explanation of sin can be quite lengthy. This article is proof of that! But, if you boil it down to the minimum, sin is “Doing what we want to do instead of what God wants.” Use that phrase, or whatever you come up with, over and over. Have the kids repeat it with you. Even something as simple as “Everyone sins. Everyone!” can help to drive the point home when repeated over and over.

Thirdly, find ways to help kids internalize these ideas. Don’t just tell them that everybody sins, explain to them what sin is and have them come up with ways that they sin. Make a game show out of it. I can hear it now…. “Welcome to a brand new edition of ‘EVERYBODY SINS!’ Join us as we find out how normal everyday people have sinned this week.” The topic is serious, but the presentation can be fun and help the kids to internalize the concepts using examples from their own lives.

Next, I don’t think you can do justice to the idea of sin in one 30 minute teaching. Consider doing a series. You might consider a five part series dealing a little more in depth with each of the sections addressed above.

Finally, above all else, don’t underestimate kids. Don’t discount their ability to comprehend because they are small. I have a blog in which I address various issues related to Children’s Ministry, and I find this point coming up in virtually every article I write. If I could impress one thing on people about working with kids it is this – “they are capable of a lot more than we give them credit for!” The ideas they grasp, their simple take on complex concepts, their ability to comprehend, and their openness to ideas astound me more and more every week! Let me give you an example from my personal life. My son, who is now eight, was learning about sin and the cross. One night when he was four, my wife and I were having a particularly hard time with our teenage son, and I had lost my patience and started to yell. My five year old came up to me and said, “It’s OK Daddy, the devil made Josh’s heart black for now, but God wants to make it red again. He just needs to ask God to do it!” I’ll say it again…don’t underestimate their ability to comprehend!

PARENTAL REACTION

I have not gotten any feedback from parents as of yet on this issue, but I am a father of four children and in a position to talk about it from that perspective. I do know that many parents are somehow able to divorce the ideas of the Bible from their own kids in their minds. Parents don’t like to accept that their kids are sinners. How can that innocent little bundle of joy that they just brought home from the hospital actually be a depraved being steeped in sin since birth? If you’re going to teach kids about their sin and that everyone sins including their parents, you should be prepared for some feedback.

If you’re planning on doing a lesson or series with your kids on sin, it might be worthwhile to suggest to your pastor or leadership that the whole church have a bit of a refresher course on the topic. There are too many churches where the issue of sin and the consequences of sin are not giving nearly enough attention.

I think a lot of parents who do teach their kids about sin put too much focus on behavior. “You know lying to Mommy and Daddy is a sin.” or “Hitting little Billy is sin.” I know that I have been guilty of this in my own childrearing. I think we can help parents both on this issue, and in parenting in general, by steering them to issues of the heart. Finally, parents must understand that no matter what we teach kids at church on Sunday, ultimately the Christianity which their kids will likely live out is the Christianity they see their parents living Monday through Saturday!

Read more from Wayne on his blog “Dad in the Middle“

Response From Jeri Tanner

Great topic, and a truth that parents and other teachers should examine and wrestle with in Scripture if necessary, until it has been come to terms with. I’ve seen devastation in the lives of children and adults who haven’t grasped the implications of our depravity—our inability to please God apart from the work of Jesus Christ. We all need to comprehend more deeply our need for the Savior. And we need to understand why instructing our children in these truths, at the appropriate level for their age, can’t begin a moment too soon.

The doctrine of depravity, understood and taught correctly, will not damage a child’s self-esteem; in fact the opposite is true. This doctrine provides the only true hope for mankind, as it both explains what we see all around us and offers the solution for it. Apart from a firm grasp on the reason for our own sinful behavior and inclinations, we’ll turn to moralism and legalism as ways to transform behavior; ways that are surely doomed to fail! Helping our children to grasp the sweetness of the gospel of Christ in light of our stubborn opposition to God will cause us and them to know we are loved for eternity. That’s self-esteem worth having!

Of course, a two year old cannot grasp all this or its implications. But as children progress in maturity, the real dilemma of their souls can be understood more and more. As we share with them how we all were (and are) “in the same boat” with them, so to speak, children do not see their own badness in any untrue sense. Carefully and regularly teaching them the gospel, going back to the fall of our first parents in the Garden of Eden and God’s subsequent promise to send the one who would crush the serpent’s head and save us from our sins, should become the best news they have ever heard.

Parents in the church may not be familiar with these gospel truths themselves, and may be offended when we tell their children that apart from Christ there is no righteousness. I have sympathy for any distress brought about by it. Wisdom, patience, and humility are called for. The greatest ministry of the children’s department can be to parents, helping them grow in doctrine and godliness so that they can instruct their children in the things that lead to salvation.

Jeri is a wife, mom and member of Christ’s body in Trussville, AL. She is writes from Ministry-To-Children.com and serves the children in her local church.

Related posts:

1. Southern Baptist Convention 2007 Resolution ON PROTECTING CHILDREN FROM ABUSE
2. Teaching Children to Pray
3. Teaching Children About Singing

Welcome to another session of the Children’s Ministry Think Tank. The aim is to get different perspectives and help everyone to learn (including me). Please read through the responses and share your own ideas below.

Evangelizing Children Without Manipulation

How should children’s ministry offer an urgent Gospel invitation without emotionally manipulating children? When does child evangelism cross the line and become abuse? What principles guide you in this area?

Response From Jared Kennedy

How should children’s ministry offer an urgent Gospel invitation without emotionally manipulating children? When does child evangelism cross the line and become abuse? What principles guide you in this area?

Last week, I read the following words from Henry Zonio (http://elementalcm.com) regarding evangelistic presentations for children:

The key… is to help connect children and families to Christ and allowing the Holy Spirit to do the work of conversion. It’s more than just praying a prayer, raising a hand or coming to the altar. It’s about life transformation, and that is something that can’t be manufactured or manipulated into existence.

Henry is right. Real conversion—life transformation—can’t be manufactured or manipulated into existence. It is God’s work, not the work of a minister or parent. When we seek quick decisions from children, we are in danger of manipulation. So, in the spirit of Henry Zonio, here are some principles for avoiding manipulative evangelism.

1. Be clear. Little children think literally, and they can be confused by figurative language. Be simple and concrete. Stress the facts of the gospel. We are sinners (Romans 3:23), but Jesus took the punishment we deserve for our sins by dying on the cross (Galatians 3:13). We can trust him to make us right with God and be our friend and advocate (Romans 4:25; 1 John 2:1).

2. Encourage children to think about their sin. Teach kids about their personal need for the Savior. Don’t flatter or deceive children by teaching them that their nature is good. Instead, tenderly teach a child about his or her own failures. Point out the specific sins to which children are prone (greed, pride in performance, lying, disobedience to parents, etc.). Be tender but true. Then, pray that the Holy Spirit will use the truth to bring conviction to the child’s heart and conscience, and ultimately to give the gift of faith.

3. Call children to trust Jesus for salvation from sin—not just salvation from hell. Children are impressionable, so fear tactics about hell or platitudes about heaven are certainly manipulative and possibly abusive. It is not wrong to teach a child about hell as God’s just punishment of sin. It is not wrong to teach about heaven as a benefit of trusting Jesus. But we must be extremely careful not to play on a child’s emotions.

4. Call children to trust what Jesus has done to save—not just their personal experience with Jesus. When speaking about the gospel to children, our temptation is to focus on the child’s personal struggles with sin and obedience. We’ll focus on what God is “doing in me” now, rather than what God did for me on the cross. The gospel is NOT primarily about Jesus’ work in our heart but about Jesus’ work in history. While it is a Biblical truth that Christ is present with the Christian by his Spirit (Colossians 1:27; Ephesians 3:17), the work in our hearts is secondary. Over-emphasizing a change of heart can actually discourage a child. When a child becomes become aware of his or her sins, the child may become introspective and worry, “How can Jesus live in my heart when I still get so angry?”

5. Call children to trust Jesus with their whole life—not just “have a relationship” with him. We are sometimes very adept at reaching people on an emotional level, but our personal faith is more than an emotion. While it is not wrong for faith to move us on an emotional level, it is not as right as it could be. Salvation is not just saying yes to a relationship with Jesus. Rather, it is finally resting in Christ. This involves a life change—conviction, illumination, and regeneration –not merely a decision.

6. Call children to admit, confess, trust, pray, commit, decide, but don’t assure them that these things save. Leading a child in a “sinner’s prayer” may give the child false assurance. We must never give our children the impression that a prayer for mercy (a “sinner’s prayer”) guarantees their eternal destiny. It does not. Human hearts long to find assurance in things that we can manipulate – our own knowledge, emotional experiences, prayers, or our works. We must discourage children from seeking assurance in such things, and we must never give false assurances. False assurances are certainly abusive because they endanger a child’s soul—leading the child to believe he or she is a Christian when this may not be the case (Matthew 25:31-46).

Jared Kennedy is a husband, a father, and the Director of SojournKids (http://sojournkids.com), the Children’s Ministry of Sojourn Community Church in downtown Louisville, KY.

Response From Brenna Phillips

Child evangelism must be age appropriate. We must think and speak in ways in which children can understand and comprehend. If they best understand the ABC’s, then use the A-Admit, B-Believe, C-Choose model for sharing Christ with them. If they live in a region where there is a bridge that crosses over a river or lake, then explain the bridge metaphor of how water flows in the river, picking up pollutants (sin) along the riverbanks and from the ships but Jesus offers a bridge to cross over that sin to get to the other side.

The important aspect to remember when choosing a technique or method for child evangelism is to remember to be age-appropriate. And let the children take the first steps toward asking questions. If they begin asking the questions, then generally that shows they have been thinking and pondering the concept and are ready to move further in the discussions and decisions.

In my experiences in CM, I have not offered an “invitation” in children’s worship sessions. Children are too likely to follow their friends and do what they do. Things work out better if each child is discipled on a one-to-one basis. It is preferred when CM leaders observe children and through relationships with each child they have knowledge of when the Holy Spirit may be working in the heart of that child.

When I was in the 5th grade, my church showed a church-wide video on the second coming of Christ. The video was not age-appropriate for every member of the family so the church offered a young children’s class; however, it was more of a babysitting group so I didn’t want to go in there. I opted to stay in the video room with one of my best friends. After all, we were 5th graders; that’s almost youth age.

I don’t remember much about the video, except there was one scene where a young boy was holding a red balloon, then a guillotine come down, then the red balloon floated up in the air. Yikes! Now that’s abuse…scaring people into choosing Christ.

Choosing Jesus’ way should not come out of guilt or manipulation. It should come from children having a full understanding of Jesus’ involvement in their lives and Him drawing them into a personal relationship. We must reach others as Jesus reach them, including children. We must teach that Jesus is the Way. He’s the only way. He’s the gentle way. We must teach Jesus as He taught people. He was gentle. He was kind. Scriptural examples of Jesus interacting with children show Him loving, playing, and relating to them on their levels, not pressuring or manipulating them.

Brenna Phillips is the Children’s-Family Minister at Mission Fellowship Church in Middletown, Delaware, and teaches 3-4 year old students at an early childhood learning center. www.brennaphillips.com

Response From Glen Woods

There is an important principle I have learned in witnessing to people of all ages for many years. The Holy Spirit is far better at convicting sinners of sin than we can ever achieve. Whether I am speaking to a crowd of adults, a crowd of children, or individuals of any age, I ask God to help me be a vessel of grace, rather than trying to do the Spirit’s job for him. This is especially important in the urban and equally modern/postmodern context in which I minister in Portland, Oregon. Also, I recognize that both those parents who attend my local church regularly and those unchurched parents who allow me the privilege of teaching their children have entrusted me and my staff to treat their offspring with respect.

In the early centuries, both in Europe, and later in the fledgling USA, revivalists called the people back to their roots, back to the faith they had abandoned. True, some had never given much thought to their spiritual heritage for a long while, but they had at least some background to understand the biblical stories. Even as late as the Billy Graham era we saw this dynamic in effect. But increasingly, the culture is changing. No longer can we assume that families and individuals have a biblical understanding of faith matters, even if they do not practice it. They do not know the basic stories. Many know Jesus only in the context of cursing, or as a baby during Christmas, or a slain itinerant teacher at Easter time. They have no faith to which we can call them home.

So then, emotional appeals to children to follow Jesus might succeed in getting them to raise their hands because they somehow perceive that is the desired response. But does it represent the birth of faith in a life? Does it indicate that a child has begun the process of following Jesus as a disciple, trusting him fully for salvation based on his righteousness, not theirs? I understand some of the objections which might be raised to my statement. Some might say, “Glen, you are making it too difficult. Just teach a child the basic truths of the gospel and then ask them to respond in faith. A child does not require a full understanding of all the nuances of doctrinal matters.” And I agree. But we cannot assume that every child understands to the same degree on their own.

As to the question about abuse, I think that any time an adult places his hands on a child and is emotionally praying over them to the point of placing pressure on their forehead, and speaking in glossalia without any interpretation (an unbiblical practice which I have seen over the years), and thereby causing them to cry and often become confused, that is a red flag. I have seen this particularly in the Pentecostal/charismatic tradition of which I am a part. As a peer of these fellow laborers, I ask that they take a second look at their techniques and ask themselves if what they are doing is healthy for the child, much less obedient to Christ.

Likewise, I think that emotional group appeals to children that refer to Christ denying them if they refuse to stand up and follow him are unnecessary and manipulative. I will allow that there may be appropriate times for such statements when dealing with mature adults, especially those who understand the gospel but are not necessarily living it.

Over the years, I have veered away from group appeals, and now concentrate on small group or one-on-one discussions. I use every possible opportunity to have a believing child explain the gospel to other children. They often are more effective because they use a common vernacular to their peers. And they keep it simple.

Children desire to please adults, especially those they care about. The older they get, the more concerned about perceptions of their peers. If we try to manipulate them through emotions, public displays of angst, or even embarrassing them, typically it will hamper, rather than help our intended purpose.

The gospel is an urgent matter. The better prepared we are to remove obstacles such as outmoded cultural preferences from our religious backgrounds, the more effective we will be in communicating the hope of Jesus to the unchurched lost who have never heard the gospel, and who do not have the advantage of a Christian heritage. Many are quite spiritual, especially those with postmodern mind sets. But theirs often is a spirituality based on media, good feelings, and being a nice person. What they need is to be immersed in the grand redemptive story of God through Jesus Christ, and his love for all people.

Glen Woods is a Children’s Pastor and warehouseman in Portland, Oregon. He writes at Children’s Ministry Conversation.

No related posts.

Welcome to the latest session of the Children’s Ministry Think Tank. Grab some coffee, print off this post and put your thinking cap on. The aim is to get different perspectives and help everyone to learn (including me). Please read through the responses and share your own ideas in the comments.

Think Tank #3 Questions About Baby Dedication

What is your church’s practice of baby dedication? Does it integrate with a family ministry strategy? Are their membership requirements for the parents? What do you include in the ceremony?

Response From Terry Delaney

In years past, we have had a baby dedication once a year on Mother’s Day. However, we have talked about doing these quarterly though nothing is set in stone as of yet. In order to be a part of the baby dedication, one of the parents must be a member of the church as well as be in “good standing” (i.e., not living in sin insofar as our staff is aware) with the church. Fortunately, we have not really had to cross the bridge of saying no to someone.

Included in our ceremony is a charge read by the pastor and agreed upon by the parents and congregation. We give each family a certificate commemorating their child’s dedication and a red rose. We hold our dedication at the end of the service so that the rest of the church can come up afterward and greet the families.

I would love to hear what others think about a once a year dedication versus a quarterly or as-needed dedication.

Response From Brenna Phillips

Baby dedication in my current Children’s-Family ministry is offered to parents and families on an individual basis. The ceremony becomes more personal to each family when it is their choice of time, not at the same time as other families in the younger preschool small groups. A professor once told me that a baby dedication service with multiple participants looks like a cattle herd – get ‘em in, get ‘em out. That’s not personal at all.

Parents choose to dedicate their children usually before the child’s first birthday; although, some parents wait until their child is close to 3 years of age. They consult the pastor on times. If there are other families desiring a dedication service, then those families are encouraged to work out times in which they are the only family participating on a particular day; therefore, each family is secured a personal service and not hurried through the ceremony. The service is performed in the spirit of Hannah dedicating Samuel in the Old Testament.

In my children’s ministry experience, I have not been given the responsibility of planning a service or an order of worship. I have only organized the special day with details of the family names, ages, guests, other information, and special lunches afterward to assist the senior pastor. Without planning or having input into the elements to include in a ceremony, I consulted some senior pastors about what they normally include for the families.

One pastor in Maryland said at his church they hold their baby dedication service for multiple families. He shares an informational sheet of questions with parents who are interested in a baby dedication service. If they can sincerely answer “yes” to each question, then he invites them to begin the planning process for a service. The following questions are included on the informational sheet:

• Do you confess your faith and commitment to Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord?
• Do you acknowledge that your child is a gift and a trust from God, and that you are responsible to God for his/her Christian nurture?
• Will you pray for your child’s salvation and teach your child the way of salvation through faith in Jesus Christ?
• Since your child will learn by both your word and example, will you set a Godly example in prayer, Bible reading, church attendance, giving, and serving others in your church home?
• Do you, at this time, present your child before God, saying that whatever God might want your child to do or be, you are willing to release him/her to His perfect plan?

The following is a draft of a typical baby dedication service:

Pastor: The purpose of baby dedication is to establish the partnership between the parents and the church in passing on the faith to their children and their children’s children.

The pastor speaks to the congregation: reading Deuteronomy 6:4-9 and Psalm 78:1-8.

Each family has read the scriptures and more and are impressed to make a public proclamation to dedicate their children and to bear witness of their intent to pass on their faith to their children.

The pastor then introduces the families and speaks to these families, saying the following:

God gives clear commands to parents to pass on their faith to their children. The church is your faith family that will walk along side you with love, support, and prayer in this endeavor. We do this by promising to equip you as parents for this task, by praying with and for you, by providing solid, biblically based developmentally appropriate programs, for you and your child to learn, and by giving you opportunities with and in the family of God to worship, study, fellowship, service, and witness as a family unit in the larger community of faith setting. We want to be the best friend a parent can have as they seek to pass on their faith to their children. We want to be available to you and your family.

The pastor asks each family participating in the dedication to respond by saying “I will” to each question if they agree before God and the church family. The questions are the same questions that were asked of each family on the informational sheet in the initial meeting between pastor and family.

Dedication is a serious public declaration of your intent to commit to obey God’s word, and pass on your faith to the next generation. At the same time it is also an affirmation that you are not alone in this awesome task; the body of Christ is standing with you.

The pastor finishes the service by asking the congregation the following question:

“Church, are you willing to take on the responsibility to love, care, and support these parents as they work to pass on their faith to their children. Promising to love them, equip them, pray for and with them, supporting by example and involvement in their lives as they work toward this end. If you agree to that please stand and say, ‘I will.’”

Then, the pastor closes in prayer.

Brenna Phillips is the Children’s-Family Minister at Mission Fellowship Church in Middletown, Delaware, and teaches 3-4 year old students at an early childhood learning center. www.brennaphillips.com

Response From Glen Woods

I responded as follows to a similar question in a recent comment exchange on Think Tank #2.

In my church baby dedication is not taught as being salvific or sacramental in the biblical sense. For example, we would not try to compare it to the OT mandate to circumcise children in Hebrew culture. Instead, it is really a commitment on the part of parents to raise the child in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. It is also a corporate commitment on the part of the church community to provide a supportive environment for the parents and child. Yes, we pray and ask God to protect and guide the child. But we do so with the understanding that it is through us that this must happen. We own the responsibility as unto the Lord.

I will add to the above specific brief responses to the questions above as well as one caveat regarding my comment. First, the caveat. God uses us to nurture young children. This does not take away from God’s sovereignty or  agency independent of human influence. However, it does demonstrate the enormous responsibility we own as parents, family members, and the larger
community.

Now for the specific responses to the questions.

Integrative Family Ministry Strategy: My church is in the process of  developing an integrative family ministry strategy. Baby dedication has long been a fundamental aspect of pastoral care in our congregation. It will continue in this role as we slowly put into place new components of family ministry.

Membership Requirements for Parents: We do not require parents who desire their children to be dedicated to become official members beforehand. If they attend corporate worship regularly then we consider them part of our  church family. This does not downplay the validity of membership. It simply means that we do not use membership as a litmus test to exclude folks from benefitting from ministry expressions. Indeed, I personally can
foresee the possibility that we would dedicate a child whose family just recently started attended. Why not? What a privilege to come alongside them in this most tender season of their lives and commit to them our promise to walk with them through joys and trials.

What is included in the ceremony: I have only officiate one baby dedication and that was in the home of some personal friends. It was a precious time and a powerful opportunity to be a witness. In my church I have never been involved in a baby dedication ceremony. I have observed them in the past, though not recently because we have only had one service
for the past several years and I rarely attend adult worship since I am worshipping with the children. So based on my memory, the ceremony typically includes the parents coming up front with the child in their arms. My pastor usually takes the child and positions the baby so the audience can see. This is the time for the cute factor and oohs and aahs. Pastor then usually reads or recites a charge of dedication to the parents. He reminds the audience that they also share responsibility to rear the child in the faith as the child grows older and is influenced by
them. He often will invite the father to pray for the family, and the child. He then prays as well over the family. In total, it usually lasts about ten minutes. There is a certificate of dedication given to the family and often gifts as well.

Glen Woods is a Children’s Pastor and warehouseman in Portland, Oregon. He writes at Children’s Ministry Conversation.

What Does Your Church Practice For Baby Dedication?

This conversation is open for your input or questions. Share your own thoughts about this issue in the comment section below.

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