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This post is a playful way to make a point. I wrote it as an open letter to all pastors on behalf of all kids ministry leaders. It is inspired by true events and stories I’ve heard from the world of kids ministry.
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Dear Pastor,
We need to talk.
I’ve noticed a breakdown in the way our staff operates and I think we need to deal with it. And soon.
You know I’ve been working at this church for several years now. But it didn’t take long for me to find out we have a problem. My first day started off simple enough. I spent a few hours setting up my office and asking God for direction. I read over my job description and made a few check lists. Then I asked you what I should be doing next.
I’ll always remember the look on your face. You said, “You’re the Children’s Minister, that’s why we pay you. Figure things out and let me know if you have any problems.” Then you turned around, went back into your office, and closed the door.
From that moment until now I have had almost zero supervision.
I know this is somewhat normal, especially in smaller churches. I’ve even heard of volunteer ministry leaders who never talk to their pastors at all. Many people are leading children’s ministry with little or no pastoral supervision. As long as they don’t make trouble, they are invisible.
I know you are busy. I know you have enough worries and don’t want to micromanage what we’re doing in kids church. I really do appreciate the trust and freedom I’ve been given. At the same time, I think this supervision issue can hurt the church.
There are many smart people in kids ministry who make stupid mistakes. If nobody is there to offer correction, things can get really far off track. Sometimes I need to bounce things off you. I need to answer hard questions. I want to see the big picture. I need you to pray with me about this ministry.
Honestly, I’m feeling a little discouraged. When this ministry is ignored it often feels like it doesn’t matter. I feel like I don’t matter. I guess I would even call it neglect. I’m not sure it would be spiritually healthy for me to continue feeling this way. I don’t want to become bitter, but I’ve been having moments.
Besides, too much independence of any one ministry is not good for the church. Sometimes I’m not sure if my vision matches yours. I don’t want to be the cause of friction within the congregation. I would love to share in a coordinated ministry plan that avoids competing interests or missed opportunities.
Here are two simple ideas that could help us address this situation. I’d love to hear what you think too.
What if we meet together at least once a month. I can give you an update on our ministry and we can write down some ministry objectives for the next few months. Then we can pray together for the families in our church. If the schedule works out, we could include several of the key ministry leaders.
I would love for you to experience our programs at least once. I know this is hard with all your leadership duties, but maybe you could pick a special Sunday once per year just to come back for kids church. This would show the congregation that kids really do matter to you. In the short term, you could stop into a few Sunday School rooms and pray with the children.
I hope this does not come across as criticism. I really want to do what’s best for the church. I’m praying that we can have an open dialog about these issues. Thanks again for your all your support.
Your Partner in the Gospel,
The Children’s Ministery
Related posts:
- 5 Ways To Show Pastor Appreciation Every Day
- Interview With Jeff Goodyear, Children’s Pastor at Highview Baptist Church
- Book Review: Pastor Daddy by Lindsey Blair and Bobby Gilles
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
gracias tony por este articulo de verdad que dentro de el ministerio de los nins a si me siento en este momento pero tambien se que nesesito estar fulltime para poder aser grandes cosas con los ninos
Thank you for writing this article. In my previous position, which I held for five years, this is the way it was. I feel very blessed in my current ministry position, which I’ve held now for one year, that it is just the opposite. It’s a smaller church and the pastor and I are the only ministry staff (paid that is) there. We have a great working relationship and he almost treats me as though I am an “equal”. In my twenty some years of ministry I have never felt this before. It is a big “ego” boost to have this type of working relationship. Not that ministry should be about ego, but lets face it, we all need a little TLC now and then! Thank you again for posting this.
I am SO BLESSED! We have Senior Pastor, Associate Pastor, Youth Pastor, and Children’s Pastor (not all paid positions, just titles) in a medium small church. The staff meets once a month and each presents thoughts/ideas/needs in his/her area. If there is a problem, we work it out together. We all support one another in projects and special activities.
My SP has an open door policy and I can go to him at anytime with any concern, question, or idea. I had not thought of the SP visiting for a service or at least part of a service, but it is a good idea. I think I will suggest it to him at our next staff meeting. He is open to ideas.
This gives me an idea to let him know HOW MUCH I appreciate him! October is usually Pastor Appreciation Month. Why don’t I invite him to one service during the month and have the kids present him with a special appreciation–such as a gift of special music, a giant card of appreciation–a service planned with appreciation of the SP in mind. UMMM, Might even think about doing something on different weeks for the other staff also. A big THANK YOU! goes a long way to promote your cause!
Amazing that such things are actually talked about openning and in a civilised manner. In my country (zambia) church matters are sunday matters. Very few ministries (churches) have actually employed fulltime staff, most the one employed is the pastor and nobody else. this senario however leaves many to simply volunteer and give it the last few miniutes they can afford.
In most cases, the church does not even have an office, as they meet every sunday in a rented classroom.
Indeed Sunday School has been neglected.
I would indeed love to see the ‘little people’s’ church be given the attention it deserves. Communication is key regardless of the relationship between the leaders as it concerns souls and not opninons.
Here you would be dreaming to be on a salary, we do it as unto the Lord. We do have however other ministries that have taken this ministry of sunday school seriously and its quite encouraging.
There is definitely a dis-connect between “big-people” church and “little-people” church. I requested that the 4 full-time pastors and myself, the part-time CM Director, meet once a week to discuss the issues at hand. We also meet once a month with the other ministry heads and Elders board. So we have “opportunities” to discuss a lot of things…well I discuss or ask for guidance, and they stare into space! I know God has placed me in my position for a reason and try to focus on that! But it is disheartening when others don’t seem to have a passion to serve the way I do!
WOW! While I have just recently assumed the role of Director of Children & Family Ministries (Volunteer), and we currently have an interim pastor, the previous childrens ministry leadership has shared with me these same sentiments, which she experienced with a former pastor. I fail in the area of communication, primarily because our pastor is interim, but I whole heartedly agree with the importance of communication abd accountability. Thanks for the encouragement
Maybe it’s just me, but I never really had an issue with these at the churches I was on staff with… not that they didn’t happen, they did, I just didn’t take issue with them. What I did take issue with was a senior pastor giving me autonomy and then turning around a few months/years later and suddenly issuing ultimatums and decrees on children’s ministry when it ended up that children’s ministry was the most healthy ministry at the church.
I guess I’m too independent (code word for stubborn) to need to have a pastor involved in the way stated in your letter. Not that any of that stuff is bad… it’s not. I just prefer more autonomy as long as I, at least, have access to my boss.
I guess one way to “remedy” a situation like the one in your letter from the CP’s end would be for the CP to go out of the way to serve the SP in any way the CP can.
Well said.
Although I meet with my pastor daily, it seems as though the children’s ministry operates invisibly from the rest of the church (“we trust you” is the most frequent response as to why). But what can be distressing is when someone in authority gets an urge, impulse, or opinion and recommends a change in our children’s ministry without asking me about it first. It’s as if they are saying, “we trust you and we’ll leave you alone…unless we decide not to.” There has got to be some sort of balance there.
there is a little, tiny tear that just formed in the corner of my eye…