This morning, I took our two foster girls home. We’ve had them since November, but driving away from their mom’s house it seemed like much longer. It’s a sad story, just like most foster care stories you’ve heard. Each of these stories are different, but they all center on broken down families and kids without much hope.
We’ve been doing foster care longer than we’ve had our own kids. It started just after we were married. A little boy named John came into our life – even now it’s hard not to cry when I think of his story. But his life, like all the others, has moved on beyond our help. I could name over 25 children who have come and gone out of our lives, and even now their stories are still a part of us.
Last night I asked my wife, “Did we do a good job with these girls?” After a long silence she said, “We could’ve done more.” There is always more we wish we’d done.
- I regret that I didn’t spend more time praying with the girls. They shared in our times of family worship, but I could’ve taken more time to walk them to Jesus.
- I regret that I didn’t love them more. After so many times, it gets harder to open my heart to anyone I know will be gone inside a year. Love isn’t meant to be short term, but I could’ve done more to love them.
- I regret that our lives were so busy. The girls had a several visits and appointments each week, plus our family pace didn’t slow. I wish now that we had cleared the calendar and lived a simple life.
- I regret that we weren’t more involved with their family. We have arranged to keep bringing them to church, but we could’ve worked harder to build relationships with their mother and stepfather. It takes effort, but we could’ve overcome the awkward relational dynamics to better serve the girls.
Despite these regrets, I believe that God will use our ministry to these families. I’ve learned that all good works are made good only by God’s grace. We tried to serve the girls and show them Christ, and I trust that God can overcome all our failures.
I’m so thankful to God for these experiences as a foster father. We cry when the children come, and we cry when they leave. But there is a blessing to be found every time you enter the broken lives of others. Despite the hard days, there were many more happy ones.
Sometimes our friends ask us why we keep doing foster care? My best answer is this: When God is in something - there is nothing else we’d rather be doing.
If you enjoyed this post, sign up for my free email newsletter!
7 comments ↓
Hey Tony, didn’t know you guys were foster parents. Way cool. My wife is a social worker and has spent a LONG time working with foster kids and parents. Separation is never easy.
We know a lot of great social workers. It seems like most foster parents we know complain about the Family Court Judge.
I don’t blog about foster care too much because I don’t want to slip up on privacy. But I really encourage people to get involved in it. Because of our church’s ministry in the community, our people are very aware of the needs & challenges.
Tony,
I will be praying for you, your wife and kids, and the little ones who God deposits in your home for brief periods of time. I work with a lot of foster children in my situation. From my perspective, I have seen the benefit of a good foster home. Be encouraged brother. God is using you and your wife in precious ways.
Glen Woods’s last blog post..Update on Me
Dear Tony:
We recently had an unwed pregnant homeless mother stay with us. She was a foster child with over 23 placements in her life. What we intended as a loving act to help her get on her feet and serve her, turned into us just being like another Foster family for her. It was a painful experience, which she rejected after a couple weeks. We asked ourselves, “Did we not understand God’s leading to take her in? No,we clearly understood we were to walk through this with her”. We then realized that God has you walk through things that aren’t always clean and neat with a happy ending. You did all the right things.
Keep clinging close to God!
Amy - Thanks for your encouragement. Those are tough cases and sometimes I wonder if kids who have been moved that often can really know what a ‘home’ is supposed to be. I think you’re right to trust God’s purpose in it, even if it doesn’t make much sense.
Glenn - I always appreciate your prayers. Foster care is such a small attempt to make things right, but we are glad to help where we can. Every experience seems to remind me that the only ultimate & final cure for broken families is Jesus and his Kingdom.
Hi Tony. We understand where you are coming from. We have been foster parents for 5 years and whenever the children leave, we always realize that we could have done more and better. We adopted our first two children that were placed with us when we first started. They are great kids, but it was rough at first. God has truly blessed us in sending them our way. Keep up the good work and hold strong to your faith!!
Cindy and John
[...] Tony Kummer reflects on saying goodbye to his foster girls. [...]
Leave a Comment