A top concern for most kids pastors is reaching the children in their communities who do not attend church. These unchurched kids simply don’t know much about the Bible. Often they have a mixed up version of Jesus gathered from TV shows. Before they can give their lives to Him, they need a basic introduction to the Good News.
On the other end of the spectrum are kids who are overexposed to church. These are the children who attend every service, and can’t remember anytime when they didn’t come to church. In my ministry, most of these kids also attend a Christian school. They can recite the books of the Bible, they’ve memorized countess Scripture verses, and they know details about Bible stories that I can’t even remember.
By over-churched kids, I mean children with too much religion and not enough actual interaction with Jesus. Attending church is important and should promote spiritual growth, but sometimes there are side effects. In this post, I will describe the spiritual dangers these kids face. You can also read our follow up post that offers 9 strategies for reaching these kids.
If you’re new to our website, be sure to check out our sunday school lessons for children and VBS resources. You might also enjoy our free lessons for children’s church and the our free children’s sermons. Here is the link for What I said about Over Churched Children.
This is not an easy topic and I expect some push back from readers. But this is an issue we need to address now, before we raise the next crop of Pharisees.
1. Familiar Stories Lose Their Power: When kids hear the same Bible stories year-after-year they can become a little boring. Even worse – these stories are often told without imagination or any listener interaction. Most over-churched kids have heard the same 100+ Bible stories since they were in the Toddler Sunday School. They no longer connect with the characters or feel moved by the plot resolution. Once I was told by a seminary professor, “ It is a sin to make the Bible boring.” I’m starting to think he was right.
2. Knowledge Can Promote Pride: Something happens inside of us when we become the expert. Children feel that same sense of superiority when they have more religious knowledge than their peers. Too often over-churched kids build their identity around that achievement, even when it doesn’t involve a growing relationship with Christ.
3. They Have Learned to Pretend Pray: A real struggle for grown-ups is connecting with God through prayer. Too often it becomes routine and dry. Most younger children learn prayer as an act of imitation. Many don’t even realize that something cosmic is happening when we address our words to God. They don’t feel the presence of God or even expect that they should.
4. They Don’t Feel Their Lostness: Many over-churched kids don’t know what life is like without the comforts of faith. Their brain say ‘forgiveness’ before their heart feels ‘I’m sorry.’ Because they know about grace, they have never really struggled much with guilt.
5. The Ugly Side of Church: Kids who hang around Christians know the yucky side of the church. They hear the complaining. They know Jesus didn’t fix daddy’s temper yet. They know that church is not always the safest place in their lives. Beyond all this they notice when adults are being fake or doing religious role play.
What Do You Think?
What has been your experience with over-churched kids? Do you recognize some of these dangers in your ministry. Leave a comment below to share your ideas.
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I don’t know if anyone else has mentioned this, but I think one of the things I see is the over-churched, fake-Christian youth being placed into positions of youth leadership. Often, because they are very involved and very enthusiastic, it is seen as a reflection of their spiritual maturity. Sadly, I think that this is not always the case. The other concern I have, is seeing some of our churched children growing up knowing some of the “stories” or “principles” and yet knowing very little of Scripture. In some cases, the basis of their faith seems to be more Christian lyrics than Scripture. I have to say that I am VERY CONCERNED for the state of our churches. Not only the over-churched kids, but the over-churched adults, who also seem to be very involved and excited about “church” and yet so much less excited about getting into Scripture or spending time in the Word. And, where are the Bible teachers? I learned as I saw women who loved to read the Bible. How many such teachers are out there? And how many churches are using these teachers to pass on this skill and love for the Word? It is so much easier to use pre-packaged studies than to dig in to the Word for ourselves.
OK, sorry, you have touched on a sore spot for me. My heart aches for how anemic church has become in so many ways. We seem to have made it so much easier to just show up, for both adults and children. So little is expected.
And, in my own church, I see a push to get involved in outreach, which is GREAT, but our church is still in so many ways immature and there is such a lack of foundation. We need to build up the body, to stop pushing the milk and begin feeding the meat. We need to begin raising expectations and helping believers to reach for those expectations rather than making them comfortable in their pews. We SO NEED to begin training and developing instead of entertaining and giving principles for successful living.
OK, I’ll stop now. I could go on and on, and maybe I am wrong. Maybe I am old-fashioned or not seeing the big picture. But, oh, my heart aches for the body of Christ and what it has become, a nice, comfortable, friendly get-together on Sunday mornings.
Oh my goodness! You’ve hit the nail on the head. Our ministry team has talked about some of these problems, and have been working to revamp the way we present the Bible to the kids in our church. Looking forward to more on this subject.
I Praise the lord for giving you this insight, because this subject i have always been concerned about. As a teacher, Minister and pastor, I’ve worked with many types of sunday school programs, and have seen the boredom and lack of understanding in our children. I’ve often wonder how much of Christ and who He really is, is being imparted in their lives. I’ve also had this experience myself growing up in the christian faith.
you are right,some of these kids come to church as a routine they dont have any touch with christ.And because they’ve grown in church they fell that they know every thing.
Thank you for opening our eyes.
I think you hit the nail on the head with this– ” 3. They Have Learned to Pretend Pray: A real struggle for grown-ups is connecting with God through prayer. Too often it becomes routine and dry. Most younger children learn prayer as an act of imitation. Many don’t even realize that something cosmic is happening when we address our words to God. They don’t feel the presence of God or even expect that they should.”
I think most of the kids at my church, mine included are doing exactly this and are completely unaware. Thanks for bringing it up, i’ll try some “prayer aware” lessons/pointers to remind us what prayer is really about.
Good insights, Tony. Indeed, i was effectively reared to become a little Pharisee…in fact, in my church circles, it was applauded. We even used our sense of superiority as a weapon of mockery of those who didn’t agree with us (of course, they weren’t as wise as we were, not as well taught…). We were a bunch of horrible people in Jesus’ name, doing what we thought was Jesus’ work.
The good news is, even for the most Pharisee’d kid, God’s Word is still truth. It still never returns void. And through whatever long path it takes, we little Pharisees still have the living Word to kick us into real Jesus-following. My recommendation: If kids see their parents focused on Jesus instead of on the church drama (and discussing it over Sunday dinner!), if kids see their parents going sincerely to Jesus, humbly repenting, growing in grace, those overchurched ones are much more likely to see that this is real, life-changing and powerful…even for the pastors and their wives who happen to be their parents!
hey all,
I am an over-churched kid. Growing up with both of my parents working for the church, it seemed like all I ever heard was the gossip and the soap-opera drama of the staff. It drove me so crazy, and even now that I’m on my own, I’m having trouble finding a church to settle down in because it’s been so long since I enjoyed it.
I think when I get around to having kids, I will not work for the church in the sense of having a career there while they are growing up. I will sit with them in the services and really talk about God with them and maybe take some kind of job (volunteer or otherwise) when they’re old enough to take care of themselves.
There’s lots that could be said, but:
the problem is never knowing *too much* Scripture, but as I see it, (and I’m from Scotland, so many of the ‘American phrases’ are new to me!), many, many Christian families seem to assume their kids are Christians. Statistics talk of the numbers of teens ‘we are losing’, but the question is, Did you ever have them? They – as we were – are born in guiltiness and sin, and ‘They must be born again’. I was lost, and was found at the age of 19. My children (ages 7 – 17) were lost, and I pray and weep, waiting for their salvation. Never, ever assume salvation – what a thought, that a child could think themselves ‘safe’ and not know differently until that moment they awaken in a lost eternity. Too awful to contemplate.
As a Pastor’s wife and 18+ years in ministry, I hear you. Which is why we NEVER assume salvation in our church kids. A friend was stunned when he asked us what study we were using in our Youth Group (a mixed bag of lost and “saved”), and our reply was “study? we hope they believe that God exists!” This was novel to him because, after all, most of these kids have been going to church all their life! This is true, but salvation was not evident in many unless we assume salvation due to the fact that they were at every church meeting. I believe that parents should bring their children to every meeting available. But the parents nor the church should believe that this makes them saved. We preach to the saved, after all, it is church. But we must keep before us the truth that not all are saved because they come. So, I don’t believe over churches is the problem, but rather the false security of salvation we instill in them because they’ve attended all their lives, and then we watch them wrestle with trying to live a life they are not empowered to live. They are in a “no win” situation and is it any wonder that they fall away or get bored?
As a missionary kid and now a homeschool parent of four in vocational camp ministry I couldn’t agree more with this article. I think one of the best ways to counteract this is by cultivating a genuine relationship with your child in which faith can be shared and discussed through everyday teachable moments. As a parent, I must view my relationship with my child as my primary ministry, second only to my ministy to my spouse. I must be quick to admit when I am wrong and seek forgiveness from my child in order to guard against hypocrisy and I must be very careful not to spiritually manipulate my children by exchanging man-made expecations for God’s standards of the heart. I also encourage my children to develop relationships with other Godly role models who will speak truth into their lives that sometimes they may not receive well from me. It’s really all about reaching their hearts through genuine relationship . . . and a whole lot of prayer!!
Too often we forget that “church” is not about us. It was not designed to be about what we like or about what pleases us. It is about worshiping God. When we teach our children to come to him in reverence and aw and understand it is a part of how we show love to God then NOTHING in the bible is boring. BORING comes from inside the heart – - it has nothing to do with what is going on outside. I am afraid that when we are BORED at church it is a product of our “showtime” “entertainment” mentality.
I am sixteen years old and teach second grade CCD and was confirmed a year ago. I can see how this would be a problem but I also believe it depends on the child and the environment they grow up in. My father has his doctorate in theology and has memorized and performed Saint Marks Gospel for the past tenish years. Having grown up in a very Christian household I will admit I may be one of your “overchurched children.” However, I personally never felt the bible to be boring or uninteresting. I am constantly finding new and interesting things in there even if it is just another way to look at an all too familiar parable. On the first day of my confirmation class, we were asked how many of us were there solely because our parents wanted us to get confirmed. I was one of the few if not the only person who didn’t raise their hand. Also, in my experience with second graders I find the children to be under exposed and easily excited and curious about the scriptures. However, this could be because of the two age groups I work with (teens and young kids) and most of them do not attend a catholic school.
Thank you for this post.
I was one of the kids described in this article, point for point. I grew up in church my entire life and attended private “Christian” schools until high school. Our junior/senior high school had a rigorous religion curriculum: old testament; gospels; acts; the gospel of mark and james; ephesians and world cults and religions; and lastly, apologetics. I graduated with some of the most thorough Bible knowledge and the deepest seeds of hypocrisy that I have yet encountered.
For me, peers who actually did/tried to live out their faith were a rarity. Not only did I not understand them, but I also looked down upon them for playing along and believing, or maybe merely pretending to believe, that faith was real.
It’s only by the work of the Holy Spirit and the amazing grace of God that I am saved today. And, for those of you with children in situations that are like the one in which I was raised, never cease to pray and dive into the Word. God can do amazing things with your life and your children’s. And I encourage each of you to look to the cross for grace and mercy as we walk by faith and not by sight.
Purely my opinion, I am no expert, but I think sometimes it isn’t the over exposure that is the danger…it’s what is being taught…Too much of the world’s concept has crept into our churches(movies, music, fads, etc). Kids don’t get hold of the ‘real thing’, much less keep it!
If they are hearing the same thing over and over again every year, I think someone must be stuck on just a few stories of the Bible! It is an unending Book for teaching material!!
Sometimes, we work so hard to try to sell them what we have for their need, instead of helping them see their need!
No one wants to go to hell, so ‘repeat this little prayer after me’…but don’t ask them to give up their sins…just “love” everybody, and teach non-offensive messages. A lot of kids, and adults, are on a ‘Jesus Move’ but have no concept what Jesus is about!
Getting our children ‘in’ on the assumption that we are a fun place, laced with the social parties, trips, and feel-good activities in the name of fellowship, will probably get the numbers, but what about their souls?
Pragmatism is what our churches are about today…if it works, it’s good.
So why are we losing our kids? For one thing, because the adults aren’t interested either! Something of vital importance is missing in our church of today…mainly the Lord!!
When all else fails, “read the instructions”, The Bible. Teach God’s Word…It never fails!
I also think there’s just plain a time factor. If all the kid does in non-school time is go to church activities, how does he learn to develop and practice his faith in “non-churchy” ways? How can he learn what faith looks like in a non-church context, if he’s never IN a non-church context, except when in school (and that often a Christian school or homeschool, which are still in a sense within the domain of the Church?) Even in a public school, that’s a mandatory and pretty regimented activity. How does a kid learn to make choices about free or time self-directed work if physically being at some church activity is deemed the optimal choice every time?
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