A top concern for most kids pastors is reaching the children in their communities who do not attend church. These unchurched kids simply don’t know much about the Bible. Often they have a mixed up version of Jesus gathered from TV shows. Before they can give their lives to Him, they need a basic introduction to the Good News.
On the other end of the spectrum are kids who are overexposed to church. These are the children who attend every service, and can’t remember anytime when they didn’t come to church. In my ministry, most of these kids also attend a Christian school. They can recite the books of the Bible, they’ve memorized countess Scripture verses, and they know details about Bible stories that I can’t even remember.
By over-churched kids, I mean children with too much religion and not enough actual interaction with Jesus. Attending church is important and should promote spiritual growth, but sometimes there are side effects. In this post, I will describe the spiritual dangers these kids face. You can also read our follow up post that offers 9 strategies for reaching these kids.
If you’re new to our website, be sure to check out our sunday school lessons for children and VBS resources. You might also enjoy our free lessons for children’s church and the our free children’s sermons.
This is not an easy topic and I expect some push back from readers. But this is an issue we need to address now, before we raise the next crop of Pharisees.
1. Familiar Stories Lose Their Power: When kids hear the same Bible stories year-after-year they can become a little boring. Even worse – these stories are often told without imagination or any listener interaction. Most over-churched kids have heard the same 100+ Bible stories since they were in the Toddler Sunday School. They no longer connect with the characters or feel moved by the plot resolution. Once I was told by a seminary professor, “ It is a sin to make the Bible boring.” I’m starting to think he was right.
2. Knowledge Can Promote Pride: Something happens inside of us when we become the expert. Children feel that same sense of superiority when they have more religious knowledge than their peers. Too often over-churched kids build their identity around that achievement, even when it doesn’t involve a growing relationship with Christ.
3. They Have Learned to Pretend Pray: A real struggle for grown-ups is connecting with God through prayer. Too often it becomes routine and dry. Most younger children learn prayer as an act of imitation. Many don’t even realize that something cosmic is happening when we address our words to God. They don’t feel the presence of God or even expect that they should.
4. They Don’t Feel Their Lostness: Many over-churched kids don’t know what life is like without the comforts of faith. Their brain say ‘forgiveness’ before their heart feels ‘I’m sorry.’ Because they know about grace, they have never really struggled much with guilt.
5. The Ugly Side of Church: Kids who hang around Christians know the yucky side of the church. They hear the complaining. They know Jesus didn’t fix daddy’s temper yet. They know that church is not always the safest place in their lives. Beyond all this they notice when adults are being fake or doing religious role play.
What Do You Think?
What has been your experience with over-churched kids? Do you recognize some of these dangers in your ministry. Leave a comment below to share your ideas.
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- Kids Church Lesson: Many Silent Years
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{ 50 comments… read them below or add one }
I have worked in the under-churched inner city environments, and the over-churched suburban environments. Both are equally disturbing in their own ways. I 100% concur, and I think this is where the role of service for the purpose of just serving helps to offset this over-churched effect.
My kids are in church all the time…so I fight constantly to remind them that most of doing what the Bible says happens in our schools, on the soccer fields, and at our house. I’ve also actively given them expressions to demonstrate in action the things they learn at church.
Great thoughts…albeit disturbing.
I rambled on so long in my own comment that I forgot to mention something that your comment made me think of. As a parent who also teaches on Sunday, my kids get double/triple/quadruple exposure to things as I use them as my guinea pigs.
I also like to listen to sermon podcasts in the car, so they are constantly hearing stories and sermons. One of the things I encourage them to do is to use that knowledge. I have them help me on Sundays with the younger kids at church, or I have them tell their three year old brother Bible stories. I find that a Bible story takes on a whole new meaning for me once I teach it. No matter how many times I have heard it, when I go to prepare to teach it I’m always finding new and interesting nuances that I never noticed before. Even when I never include those in the teaching itself, it helps to keep the story fresh for me. If I can encourage my kids to do the same by helping out in class or teaching their younger brother, I think that also combats the tendency towards overexposure. Your comment about service made me think about it.
I agree there is a danger here – especially when teenagers are encouraged to “pretend” they have a relationship with God to keep up family appearances. We need to provide as much of a Godly environment as we can, while at the same time, encouraging our youth to be honest about the depth of the relationship they have – or don’t have – with the Lord… See more. One of the things that gets me mad is adults expecting unsaved kids to act like saints, just because they come from church-going homes.Talk about teaching conforming to religion rather than seeking relationship with God. Grrr!
“… before we raise the next crop of Pharisees”
Nice point. I had a young girl say that she was “born a Christian”. She has been taught about God from an early age. So I guess my toughest challenge is that they, and their parents, realize that when one believes and begins to truly follow Jesus, that there is a change. Children should begin to seek the things of God and grow in Him.
All to often we place an age on when children can be baptized, and then parents focus on that age instead of the child having a relationship with Jesus and seeing a change in their lives.
I remember when I was younger and began working on a construction site run by a Christian company (a church was building a new facility). They had someone there who was my age “check me out” to see where I stood spiritually and one question I was asked was if I really believed, or just knew the right answers.
Maybe we should be asking that more often of our children.
One thing I do is to try to get the children (and youth) to think, so why they do the things they do comes from their own personal conviction, and not from what someone told them. Sometimes people think I am being “difficult” when I do things like that, but my intent is to have them think about and understand why they should do the things, and make decisions, as God would have them do. So when times of trial come, they will be stronger in why they believe what they do.
I think the saddest part about all of this is that these kids grow up to be over-churched adults. These five things describe not only kids I know, but adults I know…and pastors I know.
I’m looking forward to the followup on this article. How do we actively engage these kids to understand the intersection of their story with the story of the Redeemer?
Some of those descriptions are just my bad side on bad days. I’m always the best example of depravity I know.
I would say that what you describe as “over-churching”, I would describe as “gospel inoculation”. Part and parcel of the problem is the fact that we Evangelicals have embraced what is functionally a sacramental system of salvation. Utter a specific phrase of words, and BAM, you’re going to heaven, even if there is never any fruit in your life. Then we have hordes of unregenerate church members, living like the devil during the week and hypocritically washing the outside of their vessels on Sunday, then we get the toxic situation to which you’re referring, Tony. The problem is not how long our children spend in church. The problem is what sort of church they’re spending their time in. If the church is one that takes its shepherding task seriously, and confronts hypocrisy within itself head-on, and does not permit its members to live like the devil during the rest of the week, in other words, if it actually conducts itself true to the gospel of Jesus Christ, then the toxicity of the church to its youngest in the congregation will be greatly reduced. Children intuitively detect hypocrisy around them. Preach the word. Administer the ordinances. Love your congregation through church discipline. Do all these things faithfully, and be a true church. Fail, and be a toxic environment for people of any age.
Hey man, it’s been a long time! Glad you stopped by and appreciate your insight as always.
I would add … The problem often is with the parents. Are the parents what a prior poster referred to as “over-churched adults”? Do Dad and Mom (in that order!) each have a vibrant, personal, real relationship with Jesus? Are the modeling what living Christian-ly looks like? Do the parents encourage their children to talk about the understanding of Jesus, who He is, what He is doing right now? Do the parents talk in-depth (age appropriate, of course) about the sermon? Does Dad lead family devotions? Occasionally, by the grace of God in Christ Jesus, He uses a godly neighbor or the family of the child’s friend to influence a child where the parents are remiss, but scripturally it is in the home environment where children are to see their example and receive their training.
I would love to hear more about how to properly church our kids to prevent them from being over churched. How do we keep the stories interesting, how do we lead them to understanding the power of prayer, how do we keep them from becoming pride full while still learning about Christianity? What should the Church be doing to prevent over churched kids?
By sharing your own stories. By having other adults who love the Lord and walk with Him involved in the lives of your kids. It is called Discipleship – walking through life with kids. The Bible never becomes boring when kids see that the stories of the Bible are happening today in the lives of adults around them. What type of Children’s Ministry does your church have? Here is a link to some different types of Children’s Ministries – which is yours?
http://whymissionaries.wordpress.com/2010/05/21/discipling-children-what-type-of-childrens-ministry-does-your-church-have/
A good book on this topic is “Essential Church?” by Thom and Sam Rainer
My wife and I are third generation Church workers so our six children are fourth generation. We have had three big problems in thirty years so three are still regular goers and one is very involved. One comes on special occasions. They are very hurt by the way our family has been treated in the situations even though we have had in depth conversations about how God would want us to handle things. We have taught our child God’s will and they will not depart from it. We have turned it over to Him but talk with Him every day about it.
Tony,
Great article, and definitely a topic that needs to be addressed. Like Jared, I’m also looking forward to the practical part of how you do this. A lot of my comments relate to that aspect, and I will reserve them until you publish that. I think Jared hit on something really important though which is story. The Bible is a story of God’s relationship with mankind. The individual stories kids become familiar with are all part of a much bigger story that they have to understand.
I think the real danger is in missing that meta-narrative of the whole Bible. For example, a couple of weeks ago we talked about the story of the Good Samaritan. That’s got to be one of the most told stories from the Bible, and one I think the kids can easily grow bored with, especially if the point every time is – you should help people. That’s a valid point, and one that needs to be made, but in context that is not the point Jesus was trying to make. His point was that we should love other people (especially those people we’re not supposed to like). The picture of the Israelite is a picture of us, and frankly I think the priest and temple worker are also pictures of us. We are incapable of helping ourselves. The good samaritan is (can I get the standard church answer here?) – Jesus. He came to save when no else will or can (even ourselves). All that to say, I think many in children’s ministry (including myself at times) are guilty of watering down and/or sugar coating the stories from the Bible to make a point. Instead of giving kids the full counsel of God, we try to make a human point. The point itself may be very valid, but it is not the main idea. I think when we give ourselves the freedom to go deeper, and challenge kids rather than just lecture to them, even the same old story can be fresh and new each time.
Your article reminds me of one of my favorite verses. I love to read the Bible, learn from the Bible, and talk about the Bible, but I am constantly reminding myself the words of Jesus from John 5:39-40:
You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me, yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life.
There is no such thing as “too much Bible,” but it is important to remember that Bible knowledge for knowledge’s sake alone is worthless. It is only Bible knowledge which leads to a deeper and more fruitful relationship with Jesus which is priceless.
I’ve rambled on long enough. I’m looking forward to your next installment.
“I think the real danger is in missing that meta-narrative of the whole Bible.”
That’s HUGE. In fact, many times adults have to unlearn the cliche’ Sunday school children’s versions of stories because they never saw how those stories fit into the overarching story of God glorified in the redemption of His people. So, they learn that God will help them kill the Goliaths in their lives, but little else about the contrast between two potential kings and the characteristics of one worthy to lead God’s people for His glory.
Sometimes the over-churched kids become over-churched adults who won’t even let you know when they’ve checked out, they just close their eyes during the sermon because they know the Samaritan was good.
Some great feedback here. I just hope the second post can give some help. It’s not an easy issue to address, but it’s been nagging me for a few years.
I don’t know that I would say that kids (or, as Pastor Jared says, even adults and pastors) are ‘over-churched,’ but that they are ‘under-evangelized.’
Much of our interaction with children presumes their salvation and aims at their transformation (usually merely moral conformity). This presumption infects our homes, our worship, kids’ Bible study and even children’s curriculum.
Well-said, Rob. We can’t assume salvation, even among “church kids.” And even if we could, we STILL need to tell and to hear the Gospel. As Paul instructed Timothy (2 Tim 4:2): Preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching.
“Now I would remind you, brothers, of the gospel I preached to you, which you received, in which you stand, and by which you are being saved, if you hold fast to the word I preached to you—unless you believed in vain” (1 Cor 15:1-2)
Children and adults, alike, need the Gospel. The Gospel isn’t a one-time “pill” that makes us better. It is our food, “that Christ died for our sins, in accordance with the scriptures” (1 Cor 15:3). It is of first importance. We don’t outgrow needing the Gospel. How can we so easily find anything else to teach, when “even the angels long to look into these things” (1 Peter 1:12)
Great article. Another danger of overchurched children is what can often happen in adolescence: backsliding. I know many people who were “born Christian” that became disillusioned and rebelled in their teen years. While they had all the tools and Biblical knowledge to repent and live following Christ, they did not believe in His power, because Jesus and his Book had been boiled down to how-to’s and cute stories. It often takes years and heartache to overcome this lack of faith and commitment to the cross, and the scars of the sins last for life. The guilt overcomes their knowledge of forgiveness because they often feel they have never really needed to be forgiven before. All of my friends have come back to Christ, but they still carry the regret that comes with deliberately turning from God.
As a Sunday school teacher, I see children learning the Bible lessons and repeating the memory verses, only to forget what they learned once they hit the playground. Just like any kid in any classroom, overchurched kids seem to tell the teacher what they want to hear just to please them. They often fail to see why their parents and other leaders work so hard to help them understand theses stories.
I’m looking forward to the next article!
Really appreciated this article. For several years I taught high school Bible in a Christian school – my classroom was filled with 17 and 18 year old versions of what you described, and it was heartbreaking. They weren’t just spiritually bored – they were spiritually hardened.
Now as a parent of small children, I find myself getting frustrated with how to handle this. I work very hard to engage my kids in the Bible on a deeper level, to apply Truth as we discipline, to talk about sin and repentance and our deep need for Jesus and the grace He gives us. I often feel like what they receive in larger church children’s programs reduces what we have talked about through the week so as to make it trite.
I was, like many probably will be, upset at the title when I first saw it. Then I read the article. I completely understand. I grew up in church. I was in kid’s choir as soon I was able to stand up. I went to every church event. I memorized verses and even entire chapters of the Psalms. Then as a teenager, I totally changed. I thought I was safe because I had said a prayer as child. Now, I think it was just because I thought I was supposed to. I got about as far away from God as possible.
I now teach kids at my church. Many are like me. They know all of it already. I try to challenge them to go beyond the outer story and dig deeper- to apply the message to their lives, and to find something new in the story. I also use aides to help keep the kids attention such as visuals, puppets, humor, even dressing up in costumes (I taught a lesson on Psalm 23 and wore a shepherd costume I made out of a blanket and even carried a stuffed sheep. The kids loved it and paid very close attention.) Here too though, we have to be careful not to overdo. Too deep of a lesson and it’s hard for the younger ones to understand. Too much fun, and they message is lost behind the silliness and fun visual affects.
Thanks for sharing your story. It’s encouraging to me when I remember that God is still working in the lives of these kids – even when we can’t see the evidence.
Disclosure: I am not a parent. I have worked with children in various program in a few different churches of different denominations.
Good post. Good ideas that I think are wisely pointed out.
A few points, in response to the numbered items:
1. Too true, especially when the stories are told and learned in isolation. For example, Jonah and the fish is told as a story. Jesus healing a blind man is told as a story. Creation is told as a story. Each of these and many other stories are so often pigeon-holed and not properly connected to God’s Covenant with His people, God’s providence and saving grace — the big picture.
2. This can be a problem for adults, too. I forget the origin of the quote, but some wise man said that Reformed believers can even take pride in knowing that we are totally depraved. I am sure other writers have made good contributions on how to address this problem, but I think one thing to do is: if it comes up, say in one child taunting another or bragging, to explore what the knowledge means. Using the Children’s Catechism might be a good tool.
3. No response, except modeling prayer in Sunday School, Worship Service, Family Worship, etc.
4. Our natural Pelagian tendency and our radical depravity are encouraged and fed by modern media, including many of the so-called “Christian ministers” on TV. We’re told over and over that we’re basically good, rather than sinful and separated from God by Sin. I don’t think isolationism is a good approach.
5. I think part of the answer to #4 is for children to see that adults are also radically depraved. Even adults who have been converted and who trust Christ, sin. Daddies have tempers. Even the pastor, elders, deacons, Sunday school teachers and other leaders, make mistakes, and we’re still loved, AND SAVED, by God (if we are). Adults, just like kids, are brought to faith in Christ. Adults struggle with faith, struggle with sin, struggle with “hard passages,” and learn and grow in grace and our knowledge of God. We’re messy people rescued by and owing all glory to a loving, Holy God. Children (and youths and adults of all ages) should continually see and learn this in corporate and individual confession of sin, in family worship, in honest conversations with their parents.
What I’ve said is in my humble and imperfect opinion. May anything I’ve said wrongly be ignored or corrected by my brethren who read this comment.
Soli Deo Gloria.
yes i agree with this over churched problem. its not only wth the kids but wth the grown ups also, it happens wth pastors, and pastors children the most. they know all things but they dont apply al these things as Seduses n Farecies. it happens wth Masters in Theology also. it is wth Sunday school teachers aslo. its a v good topic to think n discuss n most imprtant to take guidance from God. press on. thx.
I just posted the second article on this topic: 9 Strategies for Reaching Over-Churched Kids
I remember leading a chapel in a local christian school in which I read a portion of the first ‘Left Behind’ book where the character Bruce, who was a pastor had to come to terms with the fact that, while he taught others about Christ, he never had that relationship so necessary to a true walk. I reminded them that, while they may live in a ‘christian’ home, salvation wasn’t about where you lived, but a personal relationship with Christ. So many of these kids believe that they are guaranteed a spot in heaven because mom and dad are christians. I look forward to your article on how to reach these kids. Thanks!
Have you written anything about ministering to the children’s family. In 20 years of youth and children’s ministry I have seen most youth and children ministers run from parents. I have found that when you reach out to the family you find information that is a must if you are going to minister to the “whole” child. Yes it is hard and challenging at times but the rewards, that many of us ministers of youth and children never see. But their family can be changed for ever. And of course I have had to seek volunteers for anything, in fact many times I had to limit the number of volunteers and the ones who didn’t get to go on an event would be the first on the next. I problem I loved having.
Love your site and information.
Bro. Reggie – known to my kids as “Pawpaw Reggie”
We’ve put together some resources and short training clips for family worship. Our writers have also posted some amazing resources & articles for family ministry.
#1 was definitely my son. He grew up in the church, accepting Christ at the age of 4. By the time he was 14, he was, in his own words “bored with my faith.” He had been telling me for years that Sunday School was horribly boring, that he’d heard the same Bible stories over and over again (and, I would expect, with no real application beyond what we usually give 3-year-olds), and that youth group wasn’t any better. Our youth group is focused on reaching unchurched kids — so where does that leave the churched and “overchurched” kids? Thankfully, when I poured out my heart and my fears to our pastor, he knew what needed to be done. Although I wanted him to “fix” the youth group, instead he began coming to our house on Monday nights and going through books like Mere Christianity and The Reason for God with my son and my husband. Later another young man joined us. This “intervention” by the pastor rescued my son’s faith from the boring mundanity of Sunday School (which I do realize is important, if done right) to something that engaged his intellect and made him think about and OWN his own faith. A few months ago he confessed to me that he couldn’t really remember his original “conversion experience,” and so he had quietly re-dedicated his life to Christ. This mother’s heart is extremely grateful for a pastor who understood the needs of my child, the danger of losing him, and who stepped in to do something about it. If all Sunday School teachers, youth leaders and pastors could grasp the concept that kids need to be engaged and challenged in their faith, I think we’d have a lot fewer problems with “overchurched” kids.
Wow-You said it like it is. Right on! I totally agree with your observations. Don’t apologize for not “tickling” our ears.
We need to be vigilant with our youth — we need to convey and model that our Faith is about — a personal, passionate relationship with Jesus and God not the ins and outs of “church”. I think with my own teenage boys – the most helpful thing for me to say and pray – was that I trusted them and God with the truth, the process(search) for their own individual relationship with Jesus. Our Faith can stand up against any falsehood or teaching. Simply put -we need to have Faith in our Faith. Thank you so much – for your obedience and honesty.
This is great, Tony. Very true. Looking forward to reading the next article. Thanks!
Outstanding thoughts. Can’t thank you enough for this post!
I agree with your premise and what you’re getting at, with one exception. In that exception, you appear to throw the baby out with the bath water. You say:
They can recite the books of the Bible, they’ve memorized countess Scripture verses, and they know details about Bible stories that I can’t even remember.
I am not making the the connection here. If this is the pure and true Word of God (which it is), knowing it by heart can never be a bad thing. Of course we must apply it in our lives, but we must know the Scriptures before we can apply them.
I think what you’re getting at is the root of how “Children’s ministry” has evolved in recent times. We no longer teach our children “the way they should go”, but have created a whole different church experience for kids. You’ve got adult church and you’ve got kids church. You’ve got adult bibles and kid bibles. And on and on. I find only one Bible written to God’s people and only one church mentioned in it.
Thanks for the feedback. When I wrote that line I was thinking John 5:39 in my mind: “You search the Scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of Me.”
I think knowing it by heart is good, the question is what our hearts are doing with what we know.
Anyhow, I’m glad to clarify. Thanks again for reading.
Care to unpack what you mean by “actual interaction with Jesus”? That’s a dangerous slope unless you state from Scripture how that is actually accomplished – without resorting to modern church marketing lingo.
I mean he is alive and you know him through the mediation of the Word/Spirit/Ordinances.
Rob,
I am curious about the “dangerous slope” that you see in having a relationship with Jesus? Just curious what you mean by that.
That’s an easy one…experientialism. Special, unique revelation. Subjective ‘feelings’ religion. Many in the emergent church live in this world (loving Jesus to the exclusion of God, scripture, doctrine, and authority).
I understood what you meant, but Rob’s got a point…words mean things and we should always be clear about what we mean. I know this because I am one of the worst offenders…assuming people know what my jargon and incomplete thoughts and sentences mean. If you want a paragraph written where some will not understand it, ask me to write it first. I’ll find a way to mess it up. Ask my wife if you don’t believe me!
On point, I agree with the thesis here. Some of the worst offenders when I was in high school were kids who were there every time the doors were open. They’d not even wince at having sex, getting wasted, etc. Three of my friends used to smoke pot in the SS wing of the church during evening services. Looking back, I can see that because of growing up there, the parents just assumed they were regenerate believers. Bad assumption. They needed to hear the gospel.
Wayne, I’m thinking Rob’s referring to the idea of extra-Biblical, charismatic “interactions with Jesus.” Nothing in his comment assumes a “relationship with Jesus is dangerous”, although you may have hit on more truth than you know. A dangerous relationship as in dangerous to a prideful person’s soul!
I can’t guess what Rob meant, but their is something of a debate among reformed leaning Christians about communion with God. I usually like the John Piper/Jonathan Edwards approach where head & heart both delight in Christ.
This is a great conversation. I’m always amazed at how kids ministry encourages us to all think more deeply about our beliefs. But I stand by the post, all of us need to have a personal & experiential relationship with Jesus – this doesn’t exclude Bible, doctrine, etc. In fact they should work together.
Very good. I would add that children’s exposure to “fun Christian” things is also detrimental. Things such as “Christian” cartoon vegetables, radio programs that are supposed to be Christian but too often have little biblical truth in them, Christian magazines for kids (my son learned in one of these that a famous Christian guitarist’s musical hero was Jimi Hendrix. So why listen to Christian rock? Why not go straight to Jimi Hendrix?).
We try to make Christianity “fun” and in doing so, we create a false world for kids that does a disservice to them and to the reality of Christ and Christianity. It gives them a big taste of the world, whose goal really is to have fun. And the world’s fun is alot more fun than “Christian fun”!
Trying to make it fun doesn’t prepare them for real life. It does not show them how a real Christian lives day by day. We don’t believe in and follow Jesus Christ because He is “fun.” We believe and follow Him because He has the words of life.
Huge point, Julie.
I’ve read dozens of blog entries and major articles in Christian magazines/newspapers recently about how we are losing our youth. It seems that (according to some folks) as much as 80% of our youth graduate from church when they graduate from high school.
Think about what we’ve handed to them over most of their life- Childrens’ ministries that are cartoon-oriented with all sorts of games and goofiness, youth ministries where the meetings often resemble rock concerts and there is (in some cases) little gospel proclaimed and even when some teaching takes place, often little application (or worse, a lot of service with no doctrine), and they are required to do little or no work for any of it. In many churches, the youth never worship with the rest of the congregation, and have almost no contact with anyone over the age of 40, save a few teachers here and there. We have age-segregated ourselves into a situation where we can’t benefit from the relationships prescribed in scripture. We give them everything we think they want.
Life isn’t like that. And we wonder why they lose interest and go looking for the world to serve them? In the process, we are not only failing at churching the unchurched, we are succeeding in unchurching the churched!
I also think there’s just plain a time factor. If all the kid does in non-school time is go to church activities, how does he learn to develop and practice his faith in “non-churchy” ways? How can he learn what faith looks like in a non-church context, if he’s never IN a non-church context, except when in school (and that often a Christian school or homeschool, which are still in a sense within the domain of the Church?) Even in a public school, that’s a mandatory and pretty regimented activity. How does a kid learn to make choices about free or time self-directed work if physically being at some church activity is deemed the optimal choice every time?
Purely my opinion, I am no expert, but I think sometimes it isn’t the over exposure that is the danger…it’s what is being taught…Too much of the world’s concept has crept into our churches(movies, music, fads, etc). Kids don’t get hold of the ‘real thing’, much less keep it!
If they are hearing the same thing over and over again every year, I think someone must be stuck on just a few stories of the Bible! It is an unending Book for teaching material!!
Sometimes, we work so hard to try to sell them what we have for their need, instead of helping them see their need!
No one wants to go to hell, so ‘repeat this little prayer after me’…but don’t ask them to give up their sins…just “love” everybody, and teach non-offensive messages. A lot of kids, and adults, are on a ‘Jesus Move’ but have no concept what Jesus is about!
Getting our children ‘in’ on the assumption that we are a fun place, laced with the social parties, trips, and feel-good activities in the name of fellowship, will probably get the numbers, but what about their souls?
Pragmatism is what our churches are about today…if it works, it’s good.
So why are we losing our kids? For one thing, because the adults aren’t interested either! Something of vital importance is missing in our church of today…mainly the Lord!!
When all else fails, “read the instructions”, The Bible. Teach God’s Word…It never fails!
Thank you for this post.
I was one of the kids described in this article, point for point. I grew up in church my entire life and attended private “Christian” schools until high school. Our junior/senior high school had a rigorous religion curriculum: old testament; gospels; acts; the gospel of mark and james; ephesians and world cults and religions; and lastly, apologetics. I graduated with some of the most thorough Bible knowledge and the deepest seeds of hypocrisy that I have yet encountered.
For me, peers who actually did/tried to live out their faith were a rarity. Not only did I not understand them, but I also looked down upon them for playing along and believing, or maybe merely pretending to believe, that faith was real.
It’s only by the work of the Holy Spirit and the amazing grace of God that I am saved today. And, for those of you with children in situations that are like the one in which I was raised, never cease to pray and dive into the Word. God can do amazing things with your life and your children’s. And I encourage each of you to look to the cross for grace and mercy as we walk by faith and not by sight.
I am sixteen years old and teach second grade CCD and was confirmed a year ago. I can see how this would be a problem but I also believe it depends on the child and the environment they grow up in. My father has his doctorate in theology and has memorized and performed Saint Marks Gospel for the past tenish years. Having grown up in a very Christian household I will admit I may be one of your “overchurched children.” However, I personally never felt the bible to be boring or uninteresting. I am constantly finding new and interesting things in there even if it is just another way to look at an all too familiar parable. On the first day of my confirmation class, we were asked how many of us were there solely because our parents wanted us to get confirmed. I was one of the few if not the only person who didn’t raise their hand. Also, in my experience with second graders I find the children to be under exposed and easily excited and curious about the scriptures. However, this could be because of the two age groups I work with (teens and young kids) and most of them do not attend a catholic school.
Too often we forget that “church” is not about us. It was not designed to be about what we like or about what pleases us. It is about worshiping God. When we teach our children to come to him in reverence and aw and understand it is a part of how we show love to God then NOTHING in the bible is boring. BORING comes from inside the heart – - it has nothing to do with what is going on outside. I am afraid that when we are BORED at church it is a product of our “showtime” “entertainment” mentality.
As a missionary kid and now a homeschool parent of four in vocational camp ministry I couldn’t agree more with this article. I think one of the best ways to counteract this is by cultivating a genuine relationship with your child in which faith can be shared and discussed through everyday teachable moments. As a parent, I must view my relationship with my child as my primary ministry, second only to my ministy to my spouse. I must be quick to admit when I am wrong and seek forgiveness from my child in order to guard against hypocrisy and I must be very careful not to spiritually manipulate my children by exchanging man-made expecations for God’s standards of the heart. I also encourage my children to develop relationships with other Godly role models who will speak truth into their lives that sometimes they may not receive well from me. It’s really all about reaching their hearts through genuine relationship . . . and a whole lot of prayer!!
As a Pastor’s wife and 18+ years in ministry, I hear you. Which is why we NEVER assume salvation in our church kids. A friend was stunned when he asked us what study we were using in our Youth Group (a mixed bag of lost and “saved”), and our reply was “study? we hope they believe that God exists!” This was novel to him because, after all, most of these kids have been going to church all their life! This is true, but salvation was not evident in many unless we assume salvation due to the fact that they were at every church meeting. I believe that parents should bring their children to every meeting available. But the parents nor the church should believe that this makes them saved. We preach to the saved, after all, it is church. But we must keep before us the truth that not all are saved because they come. So, I don’t believe over churches is the problem, but rather the false security of salvation we instill in them because they’ve attended all their lives, and then we watch them wrestle with trying to live a life they are not empowered to live. They are in a “no win” situation and is it any wonder that they fall away or get bored?
There’s lots that could be said, but:
the problem is never knowing *too much* Scripture, but as I see it, (and I’m from Scotland, so many of the ‘American phrases’ are new to me!), many, many Christian families seem to assume their kids are Christians. Statistics talk of the numbers of teens ‘we are losing’, but the question is, Did you ever have them? They – as we were – are born in guiltiness and sin, and ‘They must be born again’. I was lost, and was found at the age of 19. My children (ages 7 – 17) were lost, and I pray and weep, waiting for their salvation. Never, ever assume salvation – what a thought, that a child could think themselves ‘safe’ and not know differently until that moment they awaken in a lost eternity. Too awful to contemplate.
“…And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’” Mark 12:30
I think it is important that we do all of these. I do understand the problems of a feelings based relationship with Jesus. The heart is deceitful above all things after all. On the flip side, I think we have to be careful not de-emphasize the relationship aspect of our walk with Christ because of the dangers of experientialism.
I think if we are serious about our relationship with Christ, we will have daily interaction with him through the reading of His Word, through prayer and through the presence of the Holy Spirit. That said, we should be clear that nothing that God “says to us” in that relationship can contradict written scripture because God is immutable.
Somebody else used the phrase “throwing the baby out with the bathwater.” While I didn’t necessarily agree with their comment, I do think that we, as Christians, are prone to doing this. We don’t like some aspect of an issue (like experientialism) so we go to the opposite, but equally dangerous, extreme (no personal relationship with Christ).
As a final thought, I couldn’t agree with Tony more. God frequently uses the context of children’s ministry and parenting to help me work through my own theology.
God Bless!
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