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Now that’s a loaded question for you! Any answer you give will likely blow up in your face. So before we attempt this dangerous feat, let’s work through some background issues.
Who’s asking the question?
In church life, you’ll find many motivations behind this query. Both parents and teens use those same words, but with different intent. It’s also a popular complaint of the anti-religious, for them it’s not a question but an accusation. Like many situations, it’s best to listen well. As Steven Covey famously advised, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
Here are some issues to work out before moving forward.
- What’s the story behind this question?
- Is this person seeking honest advice or do they merely want an ally in their family conflict?
- What heart motivations are influencing the situation?
- What is the spiritual maturity of the family?
- Are their other parents (or siblings) in the home who already opt out of church?
Reasons to make them go
There are many reasons to answer YES to this question. I’ll simply present and let you decide if they carry any weight.
God relates to the family as a unit.
In the Bible, you’ll see good & bad examples of this principle. The most obvious is the divine promises made to Abraham and his offspring. While each individual is accountable before God, some aspects of familial covenant are evident.
It’s the parent’s responsibility.
We must provide each child’s needs, and that include spiritual needs. This is the core rationale behind much common advice, “You wouldn’t let your child stay home from school.” It’s something of a practical approach. Church attendance provides an opportunity for spiritual growth and exposure to the Gospel, so parents should ensure their child is present.
Worship together sets a common spiritual direction.
This is the idea behind Joshua’s classic declaration, “But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” It’s a powerful experience when parents and children share the same story. Attending church together can be one outpost in that journey.
Church is really about what God wants.
Kids need to understand worship as an opportunity to encounter the Lord. We gather together because our Father’s love and delight in meeting with us.
There are also some bad reasons for bringing kids to church. These include concern for reputation, discipline for a child’s poor behavior, a work to merit God’s favor or blindly following a tradition. It gets tricky when these wrong reasons are wrapped up with the better ones listed above.
Reasons to let them opt-out
On the other side, I’ve heard parents explain why they allow their children to stay away. You may personally disagree with this entire list, but it’s helpful to understand what people are thinking.
They’ll grow bitter toward God.
This shows a concern that kids have a real relationship with God and from their own choice. Most parents who give this reason expect their child will later reverse their choice.
They’re only zoning out.
” What do kids really learn when they are forced to attend church? You likely know many adults who can tune out the pastor before he even says “Hello.”
They’re distracting my worship.
Few parents would admit to this reason, but it’s a common feeling. It becomes worse when the children get too old for kids church and they remain in the grown-up service.
Is there a magic number?
Some might answer this question differently depending on the age of the child. Very few moms would give a toddler the option to quit church. Parenting is about training, and handing over life choices as the kids mature. All parents will eventually relinquish their authority over a child’s religious practice. I asked our readers about what age made the most sense to them. You can view the results below or take the poll yourself.
What’s your final answer?
I asked this same question on our Facebook page and hundreds responded in the first few hours. Click here to leave your thoughts on this question. At the end of the day it’s a question about parenting and that means God wants you to use your best judgment with your own kids.
My kids are still young and have never imagined life without church on Sunday. Church is not optional in our family, it’s just something we do together. At the same time, I would tell them it’s normal to have honest doubts and feelings of boredom sometimes. A few hours a week is not a large sacrifice.
In the end, the children belong to God and it’s up to Him to change their hearts. As parents, we should do our best and provide the most opportunities for that to happen.
Related posts:
- Informed Parents Are Good For The Children’s Ministry
- What Kids Really Need from Parents at Christmas
- How Do You Answer Kids’ Hard Questions at Church?
- A Model Prayer For Parents
- 5 Tips for Getting the Church to Support the Kids Ministry
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Honestly, parents have control of a lot over/concerning their children. However, it doesn’t mean everything. While it’s important to introduce them into your faith, once they’re old enough to make a choice in what to believe in, which would normally start in their teen years, they should be able to decide if they can go. If you force them to go, they’ll only rebel anyways. Also, odds are, as time continues, your kid will become one more who is atheist, boosting the already increasing numbers. That will cause problems in your relationship with your child if you try to force your religion on them. I’m willing to bet 95% of you here are Christian, but are different branches of Christianity, no? Well, most of your services are a few hours long, varying on your individual churches and branch of Christianity. That’s not very long. That said, if you’ve raised your child(ren) to your best ability (notice I didn’t say “right”), he/she/they will know enough not to do anything dangerous or otherwise inappropriate. You have the right to your own religion, why don’t kids/teens have that same right?
I belive this one Bible verse sums it up quite well -
Proverbs 22:6
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
Children have to have the knowledge to make their decision later in life. We don’t allow them to opt out of school. I have found the hardest part is normally getting them up, usually when they are there they enjoy it.
Our teenagers were encouraged to be involved in any way they could, one played the piano, the other helped teach junior church once a month and later taught the pre school sunday school. They helped in the nursery, washed dishes, cleaned the church with us on our week and set up chairs. They both attended teens and later became leaders. Our 25 year old is now the leader of the college and careers group. Both have grown up to be dedicated Christians and very involved. The key to wanting to go to church as teens is to be involved and needed and appreciated.
No parent I know would allow their child to regularly opt out of school, dr appts, sports events. Why would church be any different, esp since it’s more important? I used to tell our kids, “You get up for school, you get up for church.” I believe that even if they aren’t listening, they are absorbing and that’s good.
I agree w/limit if they live in my house they must go to church. They may not appreciate now,but as they grow older, they will learn to love god and thank him for what he has done and continues to do in their lives. You may think that their not listening or obtaining anything, but when they are by themselves and are facing a situation you’d be surprise how the lord will see them through. I thank god for my son, we told him, you live in our house your going to church. Now he was in 6th grade @ that time, he is now 20 and isn’t ashamed to trust god w/his life.
I think age of the child does matter. When they are young (even through elementary age), we have to do a lot more to help them grow in wisdom and morality. But by the time they are teens and adults, if their heart is not bent towards God, forcing them to go to church is not going to be beneficial.
But no matter what age, the big idea is to allow the conversation to happen, as I did when one of my kids was little. I wrote about my answer here:
http://differentway4kids.blogspot.com/2011/02/what-if-my-child-doesnt-want-to-go-to.html
If they are living in my house, they are going to church, even now that the “kids” are adults. They respect that. I think it teaches them the high priority of worshiping God with other believers and being a part of the Christian community. When they were growing up here, there was nothing for the children (on Sunday) for the children. Now we have children’s church during the sermon, so the families are still together. So far, as adults, all of them attend church each week. I pray they will always be connected with the Lord and His people in this way. God uses us to “mold” our children, and this is one way for us to help do that; plus we are bringing them to a place where they can hear God’s Word yet again and be molded directly by it, through the Spirit.
I agree with Taiwo. I come from a moslim family in 2000 I took Jesus as my saviour. The moslim children are going to the mosque on a very young age and they enjoy it. If they succeed, why can’t we as christians?
I think as long as the children are living with their parents they should go to church if the parents are going to church. But most of the Christian parents I know, their children are not coming to church and their argument is I am not going to force them.
I agree with Tony that the question “should children be made to go to church” is a parenting issue. Children should go to church even if they think its boring. If you leave them at home or to their own devices you are handing them over to the devil who will occupy them with other “activities”.
Bring them to church and keep praying that God will touch their hearts. If you will do this, He will touch their hearts – in time.
Taiwo
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