7 Funny Church Jokes: Christian Humor That’s Safe For Church

Girl upside down smiling

You’ll love these clean church jokes I found in my email. I’m sure they’ve been floating around the Internet for a while, but several were new to me. I’m not always a fan of Christian jokes or church humor, but these made me smile.  I’m posting them just in case you need a little laugh this morning.


Why do Brides Wear White?

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”

The mother replied, ‘Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.’

The child thought about this for a moment then said, “So why is the groom wearing black?”


Running To Church

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, ‘Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!’

While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again!

As she ran she once again began to pray, ‘Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late…But please don’t shove me either!’


My Dad Makes Big Money

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, ‘My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.’

The second boy says, ‘That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper,
he calls it a song, they give him $100.’

The third boy says, ‘I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!’


The Holy Family

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem . A small child replied, ‘They couldn’t get a baby-sitter. ‘


Applying the 10 Commandments

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to ‘Honor thy father and thy mother,’ she asked, ‘Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?’

Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, ‘Thou shall not kill..’


Adam’s Ribs

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, ‘Johnny, what is the matter?’

Little Johnny responded, ‘I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.’

Need Some More Laughs? Then browse these funny job requirements for children’s ministry.


Comments

  1. Connie says

    I have a friend who was teaching little ones the verse of praying without ceasing–one little girl said pray without cursing.

  2. Judy says

    While leading a kindergarten AwANA class last year our class was working on memorizing 1 Corinth 15:4″that he was buried, that he was raised, on the third day according to the scriptures”. I was prompting the students and said “that he was raised”. When I paused one of my boys proudly says “in the Ozarks!”. I love kids!

  3. Joss says

    My grandson at the age of 5 was having a conversation with me and telling me who was the boss in different parts of the house. Like mommy was the boss of bedroom, daddy the boss of the livingroom and I was the boss of the kitchen. I asked him what about God. He replied that God is the boss outside because He is too big!

  4. Amelia says

    One day after church we had a Birthday Party for an elderly lady that had turn 102 year old. When my nephew who was about 8 years old at that time said, “She sure obeyed her parents when she little.”
    His mom asked him “Why do say that.”
    He replied, “Because one of the commandments is Honor your Mother and Father and you will have a long life. And she is 102 years old.”

    • Tiffany says

      I love this one. Brings back memories of my great-grandmother (who lived to be 103).

  5. Lesley says

    A similar story to Shelley’s; We all had our heads bowed in pray during the main prayer time at Church when my 4 year old said at the top of his voice ” Mummy, wake up !” I unfortunatly couldn’t answer too loudly as we were still praying so said “shhh” to which he replied ” No, wake up Mummy! you can’t sleep here!”

  6. Natalia says

    Just last Sabbath I was in the church’s hallway outside of the children’s wing, saying hello to kids and teachers when my nephew, 5yo, was standing at the check-in table trying to decide which sticker to choose. He said hello and I was so happy & proud that he took time to talk to me, so I said, with a big smile: “Hi Dennis! How are you?” He looked at me and said: “Ok, just stuck in traffic.” I wanted to kiss him! :)

  7. Diadel says

    Thank you so much for the laughter.. I had a wonderful time reading all these funny Jokes.. You should post some every week. Its a great way to remember We Christian are not all serious. God made humor for all to share. Thank you again…Diadel

  8. Shelley Rowan says

    When my oldest son was three, we were standing with our eyes closed and heads bowed during prayer at church. He knew not to talk during prayer. He poked me in the leg and said, “Why are they all standing up sleeping?”

  9. Shelley Rowan says

    My husband and I were teaching a preschool Sunday School class many years ago. We live in a rural community where hunting and fishing is extremely popular. School districts in the area even have a day with no school so that youngsters may go hunting with their fathers. My husband was reading to a group of boys the story of the Good Samaritan. After the boys saw how the man was treated, one boy says to the other, “he should really get a gun.”

    • says

      A pastor and two deacons went hunting. As they pulled into the field a giant buck deer appeared 100 yrds away. All three proceeded to arm themselves. Almost simultaneously, all three aimed at the trophy buck and fired. The deer dropped. All three men, simultaneously, proclaimed that each had hit their mark. So, they decided to call the game warden to determine who killed the deer. A call was made. A few anxious moments passed. The warden arrived and was given the story. The warden looked at the deer and proclaimed, “The pastor shot this deer… no doubt about it!” One deacon asked, “how can you tell the pastor shot it?” The warden explained, “See, the bullet went in one ear and out the other!”

  10. Elizabeth Runyan says

    My 3 year old niece was in my Awana class and she made a comment that I have to share. I was going over the lesson about Jesus going to the Temple when he was 12. I was trying to get the kids to say that he went to the Temple or he went to Jerusalem. She raised her hand and said, “I know where they went. Jesus and his family went to Walmart.”

  11. Hannah says

    I’ve heard this story many times over the years, now it’s my turn to tell it. When I was around 3 yrs old a bunch of the older children at church were going to the alter and getting saved. I guess I was getting a little worried because I asked my Mammaw if she remembered when I said I didn’t beleive that Jesus really died. Mammaw replied “No”. I went on to ask her if she thought I had messed up my savings account!

  12. Becky Dawson says

    While teaching my first grade Sunday School class, I showed a picture of the creation and asked if anyone could share with me about the story. Six year old Candace said, ” It happened a long time ago, one day God got bored and created people, then the people got bored so God created Disney World.”

  13. Fred says

    Great to see that clean jokes still live. TV. books, magazines, music and so on seem to draw jokes that are not “family friendly”. My “Sunday School kids” are not allowed to call me Fred. I answer only to Mr. Fred or derF. I am a little backward. Would love to see a new joke every week Many thanks

  14. Angela says

    During dinner one evening, we were asking my twin boys(their first week of school) how school was going. The boys started talking about how there were more boys than girls so obviously the boys beat the girls. Being the only female at the table I found it necessary to say just because there were more boys than girls at their school didn’t mean the boys “beat” the girls. Without missing a beat my son says “yes it does Mama, we have God and Jesus on our side”. I was too proud to say any more.

  15. rema reyes says

    My 2 1/2 yr old nephew loves school so much. One day, his mama had something important to do and she told the child, “you’re not going to school today John.”

    John answered , “Oh ok…i’ll go to heaven instead!”

  16. says

    A 12 year old who had recently started coming to my church invited some friends one week. He carefully explained everything to his friends so they would know what was happening. He must have misunderstood when he heard the church members call me the “Minister” because just before the main worship service I overheard him tell his friends, “Now we get to go into the big room and hear the monster talk!”

  17. Amanda says

    My daughter had fallen out of our boat while her dad was cleaning it after a day on the lake. She fell pretty hard so I took her to the dr to make sure she was okay. I told her that she had to tell the dr what happened because mommy didn’t see. so goes “Yep, because only God, Jesus, the Easter Bunny and Santa saw. Because they are always watching”. Got to love kids!

  18. Jeanne says

    When my grandson was 3 he had been to Sunday School and learned that God lived up in heaven. A few days later he said, “Mommy, I hear God! She was surprised and paused to listen. It was the new neighbors moving into the apartment upstairs.

  19. says

    I’d like to leave a true story: A few years ago, when my daughter was 5, it was the week after Easter and we were driving to the beach. She broke out in the song “I see the Lord, seated on the throne, exhausted…”!

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