Comments on: How Do You Expel A Child From Church?

By: Jackie Scott

Jackie Scott — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 09:38:52 +0000

This is an issue that we have faced in our church’s after school program numerous times. And there is much disagreement among the volunteers as to how to handle it. 95% of the kids we are dealing with bring “baggage” with them on a daily basis. We have utilized a time-out system and a three-strikes-you-are-out for the day. But the feeling that they have been rejected is the hardest thing for us to deal with. We don’t want them to translate that into God rejecting them. I appreciate some of the comments here and will utilize them as needed. I hope some others respond also. I think we all need all the ideas and help that we can get, especially as it seems we are dealing with these kids more and more.

By: Christiane

Christiane — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 20:06:36 +0000

I think you probably did the best you could, at that moment, but here is a thought for the ‘next time’ (there is always a ‘next time’):

Ask the mother to bring her daughter in to see you the NEXT DAY, for a conference, after the child has had an opportunity to calm down. I think she might have perceived that request not to come back for a month as children do: a personal rejection, which of course, you did not mean to do at all.

Bringing her back the next day to get to know her and her mother might have been a better choice, but only the Good Lord knows that for sure, so don’t look back. Look forward.
And know that children perceive our discipline of them sometimes much more personally as a rejection, than we can possibly know or control.

Just some thoughts. And yes, having worked in inner-city schools for twenty years, I agree with what you did under those circumstances: just consider all of the possibilities of what you might do in future, as the Spirit leads you to understand.
God Bless You

By: Rickie Miller

Rickie Miller — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 16:19:42 +0000

This too has been a concern and reality within our own children’s department and expelling a child from church has always weighed heavy on my heart knowing that church is the place that children with baggage need to be,in safe and in loving arms. But as you say we have a responsiblity of safety to all who come. I would like to offer a suggestion and an alertnative to “expelling” a child from church I have implemented in our own church and have success with dealing both with childern and their parents.
Instead of expelling a child from church for such offenses as hitting/fighting, cursing and ect. 1st talk to parents, then the child would have to sit out of all childrens activities for a 1 to 2 week period (we start off with one week and then extend it if behavior continues) Here is the suggestion – They are still allowed to come to church accompaned by their parent to attend adult Church service. If their parent sends them but does not come then the child will sit with a volunteer in Adult Church service. I understand that there are extreme cases and this may not work but so far it has worked for us and even deepened our relationship with our unchurch families. The kids know the rules and the consequence if they act up. I know we all do not want any child to ever feel that they can not come to church.. I hope that our experience will help others in handling
those trouble kids that need the love of Jesus so desperately. God bless

By: Candes

Candes — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 05:08:44 +0000

I agree that the safety of other children is important and the measures taken were necessary. I’m the Director in our Nursery and came close to having a toddler removed. The little girl was aggressive and tried several times of biting and it wasn’t just one Sunday that she tried this.

My utmost priority is making sure our children are safe. It took one volunteer to keep a watchful eye on the girl and with limited volunteers I couldn’t afford to have one assigned only to watch her.

Thankfully the girls behavior improved.

By: Tony Kummer

Tony Kummer — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 01:30:53 +0000

Thanks, it worked out for the best and the girls became friends as the year went on. It’s never a good situation, but I stand with the safety first approach.

By: Lily Edwards

Lily Edwards — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 01:02:33 +0000

I think that was a brilliant way of handling the situation with that child, Praise God, i haven’t had to deal with a situation like that yet. Although this imformation will be something that i will most likely use in the futre.Thanks

By: Tony Kummer

Tony Kummer — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 02:50:14 +0000

@pamk: Thanks for sharing your opinion. I appreciate your interest in forgiveness and loving our neighbors. I am still really sad about that whole situation, but I stand by our decision. We can not allow children to attack one another under our care.

It was a tough situation, but we work very hard to make our church a safe place for children.

I do appreciate your comments and your prayers.

By: pamk

pamk — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 00:49:22 +0000

These poor little girls. This is reprensible behavior on the part of the leaders. Church is God’s house, not theirs. I have never heard of anything so terrible to do in church to a pair of 9 year old girls. How about having next weeks lesson on loving your neighbor, forgiveness, and have both the girls participate in it. Your leaders and you need more training and more prayer.

By: Tony Kummer

Tony Kummer — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 16:53:51 +0000

The girl basically walked around and stood against one wall why we waited for her parents. She was not restrained. We have some volunteers that have worked in mental health and know how to do acceptable restraints, but that would only be to protect other children.

By: Jamison

Jamison — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 15:37:52 +0000

This discussion had brought up a question that I have had for many years.

You said that the one girl refused to stay where she was told. How did the volunteer make her stay without physically restraining her and putting herself in danger of abuse accusations?

It seems that the laws have become so restrictive that it is difficult to maintain order if a kid realizes that the adult’s hands are tied by laws.

How do you deal with that?